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Pity Party Blog I: Not Well Suited For...

Thursday, June 02, 2011

**Warning: This blog contains the expression of frustration on the part of the blogger. If you are someone who responds to any expression of frustration or "negative" emotion by...
- using the term "pity party" (or some other such emotion-is-bad phrase)
- trying to get the person to realize that they shouldn't be frustrated
- using over-used deflections like "don't beat yourself up", "tomorrow is another day", or "just move on"...
then please either don't read or read and don't comment**

My vacation overall was good. It really was. I got to see my friends and their family in their new home. Their oldest child is growing up so fast. I overate, but had healthy snacks on hand. Given how little I ate out except for the traveling days, I still may actually lose weight this week.

There were two moments involving my weight and health that stuck out (one good and one bad).

The first night the family was hanging around outside playing. They live on a cul de sac with three houses facing a nice rounded end of the street (safe play area for ball and bike). the youngest is "getting into soccer". Basically, he kicks the ball and the adult playing with him kicks it back toward him. Both parties have to chase the ball as needed.

After about 10-15 minutes of this I realized that I was:
* enjoying the light exercise of chasing the ball
* not winded
* not feeling any knee pain.
I would have been 1 for 3 at best when I first started SparkPeople. For all I have read about some of my SparkFriends' goals of wanting to play with/keep up with their children or nieces/nephews, I finally get it. It felt gr8, a nsv!

and then (cue other shoe to drop)......

First thing the next morning (shoe drops), mommy proposes going to the swimming pool (crowd goes nuts)!
"You did bring swimming trunks, right?"
"Not exactly"
"Oh, well you can probably borrow..."

It was bad enough having to sit the two of them down 10 minutes later and explain/admit to them, "No, I really don't want to be seen in public wearing a pair of swimming trunks". But the looks on the childrens' faces followed by the long drawn out" whyyyyyyyyyy" when their parents had to break the news that "Mr. Trent" wouldn't, in fact, be coming with them...............yeah, not exactly a high point in my life.

D*rn it, the whole point of losing the now over 50 pounds was so that I WOULDN'T hate the way I looked. I'm almost 195. I'm supposed to be enjoying FREEDOM to NOT still feeling like the stinking fat kid (yes, even @ the swimming pool)

And isn't this supposed to be something that guys aren't supposed to worry about!? Ugh.

What good is being the Hottest Loser.....if he's not even hot enough to wear a swimsuit at the swimming pool!!??

Don't get me wrong, I really like the way I look in jeans and t-shirt. I am very healthy and am enjoying the benefits of better health. This just kind of pushed the limit and broke me, I guess.
(end of rant)

As I drove to the gym, after they left for the pool, I made a vow to myself. Next year is rematch. If I don't go back and visit them and go to the pool with them, I will plan to go to a beach. And yes, by Jove (whoever Jove is), I will have the body to wear a swimsuit.....

...and I will.

- TD Out.

p.s. For those of you who are wondering what my THL exercise goals are going to revolve around motivation-wise, consider this a spoiler-alert.

p.s.s. Who is Jove anyway? Never figured that one out. If I find him/her on SP, I'll friend them.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Very simply, I get it.
    Good rant
    3453 days ago
    I'm old (59), saggy and morbidly obese. I am not comparing myself to you in any way. I have a pool in the back yard and I can exercise in it and burn a bunch of calories and do myself some good. I got a bathing suit in 2009. It looks like a pair of Bermuda shorts and a tank top, so my thighs aren't showing.

    I understand your rant. Probably people talk about me that can see me in my back yard. I don't miss out on the fun anymore because of my weight. I'm working on exercising more to lose the weight, but it won't keep me from being with others unless they choose not to be with me.

    Congratulations on your weight loss! I lost 40 lbs. and regained it plus some. I was just put on medication for type 2 diabetes, so my attitude has changed about "grabbing the gusto" of life while I still am able-bodied, though overweight.
    3461 days ago
    In ancient Roman religion and myth, Jupiter or Jove was the king of the gods, and the god of sky and thunder. He is the equivalent of Zeus in the Greek pantheon.
    As the patron deity of ancient Rome, he ruled over laws and social order. He was one of three gods of the Capitoline Triad, along with Juno and Minerva. The most important temple of the Roman Republic was dedicated to Iuppiter Optimus Maximus ("Jupiter Best and Greatest").

    So... you said it... by "Jove" your gunna do it... emoticon
    PS don't wear "trunks" that look like this bloke.. emoticon
    3462 days ago
    Um... I dunno you. Not yet... but I thank you for pointing out that men too do care and have vulnerabilities about their appearance. I guess I never figured they would since most I know aren't fashion-sense high. But I bet the do care. Thanks for reminding me we are all human... and PS: Awesome for playing soccer (or essentially the catch version thereof) with your friends kids.

    :) You do rant well and I personally thought the disclaimer was spot on!
    3462 days ago
    You can get to the pool noooooooooooooooow. Why next year ? :D
    3462 days ago
    Not sure how I know that, or if I am correct.
    3462 days ago
    I love your disclaimer. I want it on a T-shirt. You so rock!

    I think I get this. I love my body more than ever now. Do I want to see my thighs running along a beach like Bo Derek in 10? Not so much... I will get there. So will you.

    By the way, you rant well. Isn't ranting the best?! I just love it. And I am convinced it aids in blemish-free skin.

    Continue to be your fabulous self. Hugs.


    PS - what I love about your blogs is how you bravely, and honestly, reveal male vulnerability. It is quite beautiful. Am I allowed to say that to a dude? Anyway, thanks for being you.
    3462 days ago
    love you.

    3462 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5190246
    My first reaction when I read your blog ... *face/palm*

    My second, oh yea I've been there too. I still curse the old man on the porch who punched a whole in my soul.

    My third, pride. Pride for you. What's that about you ask? Let me tell you - 1) you announced a fear, 2) you spoke the truth - that my friend takes guts!, 3) you decided not to face the fear head on that day but formulated a plan to do so in the near future and I believe you'll follow through.

    "And isn't this supposed to be something that guys aren't supposed to worry about!? Ugh." In my most sarcastic teenage voice I say ... "WHATEVER!!" (add eye roll & teeth sucking) That's what the world wants you to believe - stop it.

    Let me know if you find Jove too! *smiles*

    3463 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/2/2011 1:31:44 PM
  • no profile photo CD3992584
    Wearing a bathing suit is something all of us need to become more "accustomed" to. I am not comfortable either even though I feel better and look better in clothing now. Next year - it's SO ON!
    3463 days ago
    I'm more than excited that I live in the Pacific Northwest. Never gets hot enough for going to an outdoor pool. We have an indoor pool in town HOWEVER I've lived here 4 years and have never went. Kinda sad
    3463 days ago
    Wearing a bathing suit makes me feel very vulnerable, too.
    It only gets worse as you get older and everything starts to sag.
    I hate gravity.
    Sounds like you still have some inner work to do, my friend.

    3463 days ago
    :-) Watch out next out!!
    3463 days ago
    I enjoyed your rant. It was refreshing to see the male prospective! I still can't believe that you really didn't go to the pool!
    3463 days ago
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