Its never going to be easy!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I have fallen off the wagon lately and I can't seem to crawl back on. I am full of motivation when I can't work out (like late at night or the middle of the work day) but then when it comes time to actually do it I don't. I don't feel like it or don't want to. Same goes with eating. I say that I'm not going to drink alcohol for 10 days. I made it one, then my boyfriend had a beer and I thought "I'm going to have one too!". I have been having coffee and a muffin every morning for breakfast. This weekend I bought liverwurst at the grocery store because I wanted it. Its like I"ve completely given in and just crave to whatever I want at the moment. The worse part is that I have no confidence in myself that if I set a goal I"m going to do anything to achieve that goal because I've given up so many times in that past.
So, I have to realize that its never going to be easy. My brain is always going to say "have a beer, or I want a muffin or I don't want to workout". The key is to override it. Its going to be hard at first and it will get easier as time goes by but its never going to be easy, its never going to be natural and I have to know that. I want to lose 20lbs (hell, I'd be happy with 10!). but I have to realize in order to do that I"m going to have to sacrifice some things and I won't always get what I want.
I am setting a goal of running a 5K in August. I have done 5K's before but never all running. I only need to train 3x a week. Then we'll go from there. This isn't me, this isn't how it is supposed to be. I'm sad, I'm depressed, I don't like the way I look and if I want to feel better I'm going to have to start acting differently. Only I have no faith that I will... I guess all I can do is one step at a time.