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Lost my motivation. Found my weight I lost.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I have been in a major slump. Warning, this might be a long blog.

I was doing so good. Even though I was maintaining my weight, I had increased my running. I had completed 3 full marathons in just over 2 months including the Goofy Challenge. People at work ( the Fire Department) was actually telling me I'm nuts with my running. After the ING Miami Marathon my knees were hurting so I decided to take it easy to let them get better. I had my department physical done and the guy said that even though my target heart rate decreased a little due to age, it took you several more minutes to hit it. My physical was improving on all counts except I gained just a couple of pounds from not running until the blood work. My cholesterol was up to 260. Back to medication. We went on vacation for the first time in awhile that I wasn't going for a race. We went to Disneyworld and I didn't have to run. It ended up being the vacation from hell. Even though it wasn't spring break for our area, it must have been everywhere else. It almost made Marathon weekend seem deserted. The Mother-in-law went with us to help with the 3 year old and the 1 year old twins. She ended up being child #4. First, the condo we stayed at was absolutely filthy. Check this place off my list. Got to the Magic Kingdom to find it hot and jammed pack. People wouldn't move and I say 95% didn't speak or didn't want to speak english. I ended up with the 3 year old on my shoulders holding his legs with one hand and pushing the twins in the jogging stroller with the other and at times using it like a bulldozer. Her mother mover slower then the speed of smell so it took even longer to get anywhere. Later that night Logan (the boy twin) got threw-up several times that night. So the next day we took it easy and since I had an extra Park pass I took Tyler ( the 3 year old) back tot he magic Kingdom so we could go back to Small World and see the electric light parade. Logan was doing better so we decided to go to Epcot and then drive home afterward. After we loaded the van back up and checked the condo for anything left behind (her mother watched us do everything and got ready at the last minute) we checked out and was halfway there when her mother asked if I loaded her purse in the van. What, I got everything loaded and you couldn't even handle that!!! So we turn around back to the condo and get the key back and luckily got her purse. We spend the hot day at Epcot and then go to drive home. Katie and I have had it with her mother. She is sitting with the twins and Tyler is in the third row. She puts her head down and says she isn't feeling well. Great, no help with the kids on the way home. She doesn't want me to pull over at any rest area just to go home. So I'm praying there is no police on the way as I'm doing 90 to just get her home and try to end the nightmare. Thank God there wasn't any. We are about 20 miles from her house when she grabs the plastic bag and starts throwing up. Great, Katie is gagging up front as she has a hard time with the sound and smell. She still won't let me pull over. We drop her off and barely get out of her driveway when Katie tells me how she is so mad at her mother and will never take her with us again. We are almost out of her subdivision with Tyler throws-up. Great, I stop and get him cleaned up and zoom home. We get home and Katie isn't feeling good. She gets the double trouble with vomiting and diarrhea. Later that night as I am sleeping in with Tyler to take care of him, Lilly starts and then Logan again. My night consisted of cleaning the kids, Changing their clothes while poor Katie is changing their beds and then washing and drying numerous vomit covered laundry. Luckily I never did get sick. But things started changing more. Now the kids were getting up at 6 to 6:30am with one of the twins waking up at least once during the night. They don't go to bed till 8 to almost 9:00pm. So if I run at night, now it gets real late when I finish and shower. If I get up early, when do I get any sleep. I don't sleep well at all anyway. I get restless leg syndrome and have to get up to walk. I can't clear my mind so I can't sleep. I drink 7 to cups of coffee in the morning to make it through the day. I looked forward to getting on spark and spin the wheel and get all my points and enter my fitness points. Now its oh well. I went a week of not getting on the computer. I have been eating terrible and put 13 pounds back on. I only have 3.5 miles logged so far for May for running. My physician that told me to stop running when I finish my first 5k now yells at me because I'm not running and told me to find the time. I go to work and the people at my Station I'm in charge of are 20 or more years younger than me. I only have my wife and kids to talk to when I'm home. Running was my freedom. I have signed up for the Wine and Dine half in October and the Goofy Challenge for 2012. Now I'm scared about them as I haven't been running. I must take charge and get fit. A friend of mine had a mass in her chest on an x-ray and I still don't know what the outcome of it is and now she changed her spark name so all her old posts are gone. I totally have lost my motivation and no matter what I do doesn't seem good enough. I know I need to change and I will. I already screwed up my food for today so I will start tomorrow. Then of course they say the average life span of a firefighter after retirement is 5 to 10 years. Great, I retire in just over 8 years after 34 years. I'm almost 49. I want to see my kids graduate from college and would love to walk my daughter down the isle at her wedding hopefully in 25 years.
Sorry if this was depressing, but maybe it will help me get back again. I want to be a motivator to others instead of what I have become.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey, another person getting back on track after being in a funk!! So sad to hear that things have been so crazy and stressful but know you aren't alone!! OMG on the MIL trip !!

    I'm just getting back on here again too. After moving to California, getting my kids settled into a new life, finally buying a house after a long 10 month realty deal, dealing with foot injuries and rehab, gaining 20 lbs,and all the other 'stuff', life has just been crazy! I'm finally getting my ducks back in a row as well and hoping to run the Disneyland 1/2 in Sept and then the new D/L Tinker Bell race in January! Thank goodness for Disney or I'd really be in trouble LOL!!

    You can do it! Take it one day at a time and at times one hour at a time !!!
    2510 days ago
    I was wondering where you were.

    You'll get it back. Just take one day at a time.
    I'm doing Goofy this year myself. And the Space Coast marathon too!

    And I'm doing the Hood to Coast 200 mile relay in August in Portland Oregon.
    Also got a hm in Seattle the end of June and one in Macon the middle of July.

    So, is that motivating to you? LOL
    2517 days ago
    OMG, your "vacation" sounds like an absolute nightmare! I sure hope that your family members are feeling a bit better by now, no wonder you are feeling stressed/depressed though. Getting it all out there was probably a good thing. You can get back on track & lose those 13lbs, you are taking the first step already, it definitely takes motivation to come back to Spark & air out what's been going on. To reiterate what was already said here...YOU CAN DO IT!!
    2518 days ago

    I was so happy to see a blog from you. I am so sorry you are having all this stress and no running - remember what I did with 6 months off from running - you will so do fine at Wine and Dine & Goofy. I will be doing Donald Half and the chip & Dale marathon relay. So - we will see each other again.

    Just start back slow and build up slowly especially during this summer heat.

    Anything thing I can do to help motivate you just ask.
    2518 days ago
    Hi Barry!
    I have wondered where you have been. I fell off of the wagon too. I have gained 10lbs and haven't run much. I have a half next weekend that is going to be tough!
    I'm sorry to hear about your vacation. Tell Katy and the kiddos hello for me :0)

    Holly is doing well. She started a new page a few days ago. Its the first friend on my page so go find her. Its something like runnrgrrl74. The mass on her x ray ended up being a folded vein.

    I know you will do amazing at wine and dine as well as goofy. Your an awesome runner and once you get back out there you will feel great!
    2518 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/29/2011 9:25:07 PM
    Whoa, Dude, you are in a major funk. Okay, a few suggestions, if I may. Glad you blogged the nightmare vacay...good to get that out there and dealt with. Sorry you can't depend on one of the people that is supposed to be there for you. Glad everyone survived the illness. Life has a way of throwing a lot of things at us all at the same time. I would suggest that first, you ditch the coffee. Way too much. It'll be a rough couple of days but your body will return to its natural rhythms soon and you should sleep better at night. You know that running will help with that too. Get it done in the morning so it is out of the way, you'll have a bit more energy to get you through the day and you won't be amped up in the evening when it is time to go to sleep. As for work...are there any "clubs", organizations, whatever of retired firemen in the area. People closer to your age and demographic to talk to, share the stress of the job with, etc. Eight years sounds like a long time, but it really isn' are moving into the transition time at work. You've been around longer than most, but not ready to leave the job for good, but it might be a good time to start forging those relationships that will help to carry you through the transition and into retirement. Find and/or make those friends who have "been there/done that" and understand what you are experiencing. A few bar-b-q's, group runs or golf games with those who have done it already might be good therapy at a fraction of the cost :). The prediction for post-job life expectancy might be the average, but you are NOT average. You know the reasons that number exists and what to do to combat the results of the stress of being a fireman, namely a fit and healthy lifestyle before AND after retirement. You have a lot to keep you going after retirement, lots that others don't have. Life carries no guarantees, but you are working hard to be at that wedding and the odds are in your favor. Good luck on starting back on the right track tomorrow.
    2518 days ago
  • ROGUE8878
    Wow it does seem like you are having a tough time but I still see that determination trying to break through again. I have too went on vacation with my mother-in-law and it was tough as well so I feel for you both there, and everyone getting sick on the trip didnt help with it either. I know you will get back into your groove like you were before. We all have setbacks but with help from others we get right back on that ride and begin again. It might be tough but I know you can do it! I wouldn't pay too much attention to that life span of a firefighter. That's just statistics, none of them are totally accurate. Each person's body is different, and you have been improving your health. I hope I was able to help you a little. I wish you tons of good luck in your adventure! :) emoticon
    2518 days ago
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