Where's the door?? I want out of this pity party!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Over the past 2 months since I started this journey, I've gone through as many emotional roller coaster rides as I'm sure a lot of people do in a year. And it's gotta stop. I talk to my family constantly about my weight.. about my plans for the future and I get excited but as soon as I stop talking about them my head goes nuts with negativity that I've gotten from OTHER people. I refuse to let this go on any longer. I refuse to get back on the roller coaster for another ride. I refuse to let old scars break open again. NOBODY gets to determine MY worth but ME from now on.
I'm putting a stop to the negativity. I'm not letting people from my past dictate how my future is going to go. I've been at this for 2 months which is longer than I have ever been at any weight loss goal and I have not given up. Sure, I've had a bad day here and there or even a whole bad week, but so what? (and I've still lost weight even after the bad week) Does that mean I give up? No it means the following day or following week I get back on track or I push harder. or both. I'm not giving up.. even if that demon edges it's way back in for a second to tell me I'm going to fail I can ignore it. I've been ignoring it so far just by knowing it's there but working out and eating properly anyway. I'm NOT going to fail at this. I'm not doing this to make anyone happy but myself. This is about me. This is about getting healthier for myself. So that I can run and I can play and I don't have to stand on my deck and watch my family having fun and know that if I was running around as much as they were I'd probably die. I WILL celebrate ALL victories even if it's a 1lb victory because I worked that off, not anyone else and a pound is still a pound. And if the scale goes in a different direction I will go to my measurement tracker to remind myself of the quarter or half inch or even full inch that has come off the last time I measured myself and that muscle weighs more than fat and whatever else I can think of to encourage myself instead of freaking out over a number on a scale. There is NO breaking me.
I refuse to be a fake positive person. I am going to be positive and be happy for once in my life to be me and to know I am working my butt off to look better and be healthier. I am 30 years old and I only have one chance at this life so why would I wanna spend a good portion of it miserable?? It seems dumb to me.
Thanks Kaura for that motivational speech you posted yesterday.
Thanks Kim for being my biggest cheerleader.
Thanks Christina for being so inspirational and for having energy in all the blogs you post that feels contagious to me.
Thank you to all you spark people out there for trudging along even when you've felt like giving up and for posting blogs on your good and bad days to let everyone else know out there that we're not alone out there with our emotions.
We can all do this. Nobody is in charge of that except us.