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I Fell Down-Isn't it GLORIOUS!!!!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

First let me say what I seem to say constantly, but just plain can't help it: my fellow Sparkers are a wonderful, amazing blessing, and it has been such an honor to know so many real, honest, inspiring and beautiful ladies. I believe I could do this if Spark ceased to exist, but I am so glad I don't have to do this without you all!

About 3 weeks ago, I hit a wall of physical and mental fatigue that knocked me on my, well, backside shall we say. I tried to push through it for a few days, when my DH suggested I take a week off fitness to give my body a rest. It worked in terms of the scale, but suddenly I found all the stinkin' thinkin' literally flooding back. My vision for what I could accomplish and what I could do seemingly vanished. I've felt scared, alone, defeated. I felt like giving up on myself. It has felt like the 42 pounds of weight loss that I have accomplished never happened.

So now what? I have fallen on my face and had more failings in the last three weeks than I have had in the last four months. Which road will I take?

Let me just say that I am taking the hard road. I am grateful for this fall. I need help. I am flawed and sinful and weak. It is a wonderful place to admit that I am not there yet, that I am becoming. So I freely and humbly admit!

I would have loved to have never hit a snag, never to have stumbled as I have seen some amazing ladies and gentlemen on this site do. But this is my journey, not any one else's. We do not need to compare ourselves to each other. I let some really destructive habits become entrenched over a really long period of time. I don't know how many times I will fall face down in the muck, but each time I do, it will make me stronger if I choose not to quit. And I choose not to quit. I am worth fighting for and I am willing to dig deep, and do this, no matter what it takes.

No one gave me a promise that this would be easy when I started. I embrace the fact that I will be challenged and find strengths I didn't know I had. I accept my failings as well as my victories. The successful person is the one who gets up, and I am determined to get up again and again.

So it is back to basics for me. One day at a time, one meal at time, one healthy choice at a time. Grace and honesty; forgiveness and accountability. Track everything. Move and sweat. Challenge myself while accepting my limitations. No excuses and no perfection.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. I rounded a bend and fell into a thorn bush. I'm a little scratched up, but I'm standing again. I never left the race, just had some rough going. I know I can do this and believe this is worth doing because I have value. To my Saviour, Jesus, to my husband,my children, my family, my friends and to MYSELF.

So I feel like I am just entering Phase 2 of my journey. How many phases will I go through. I'll let you know when I am done!!! emoticon

Blessings and emoticonSue
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so happy to have stumbled upon your blog today...your words had so much meaning and truth to them. Thank you for speaking from that place inside that we mostly like to hide from.
    Beautiful read!!
    2572 days ago
  • INSHAPE2011
    This is such a lovely blog. You are putting into words what I feel (and I guess many others here). I've stumbled a few times since I started but I am grateful for one thing.. in the past I used to be afraid of the time when I would "fall" because it always meant curtains for yet another diet effort. Now I know things are different because I am not afraid anymore. The only way is forward. Keep going!
    2572 days ago
    Woo hoo to you! This journey (YOUR journey) is about progress, not perfection. As I tell my students, our errors are simply learning opportunities. I applaud you for getting back up and moving forward. I completely agree that you ARE worth the considerable effort it will take to change your life for the better (forever).
    2583 days ago
    As some of the others have already expressed--you said what I have been feeling and struggling with. Thank you.
    2585 days ago
    Oh Sue what a beautiful blog! I am so happy I stopped by to see how you were. I loved reading it! You got this! Life does throw us curve balls, being on this journey with terrific women like you has giving me the strength to roll with the punches! You're awesome! Thank you!

    2586 days ago
    Dear sister....My tears are flowing....I can relate to your choice of works from your heart!! And in some strange way...I can relate to it on more levels then just losing weight. I pray for you, my dear sister... emoticon
    2586 days ago
  • NANA717
    Oh my goodness, Sue!!! I can relate to every single word you write!! And written so well. I couldn't express my feelings any better than you just did! Thank you for writing this! I'm going to refer to it often, to know that you and I are so much alike. Think alike!! And have the same determination!!!! Thank you, dear friend!! for writing this! It has touched me so much. Love you, dear friend, dear sister in Christ. Blessings on you today.
    2587 days ago
    That's right, you NEVER LEFT THE RACE!

    Hebrews 12:1-3 Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with endurance the race set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

    :) (applies in more ways than one!)
    2587 days ago
    I love the song GetBackUp by Toby Mac. It's what life is about. But it's so important to get back up, and Praise God for that!
    2587 days ago
    I love your blog. I'm so happy you are sharing this, and reaching out. I think that so many of us think we have to be perfect like the SP you talk about, and never stumble. But then when we hit a rough patch we give up! That all or nothing way of thinking is very destructive. Now I have you to cheer on, and learn from. If you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in it I will be able to do that when my turn comes to fall. The most inspiring stories for me are the ones where people have human failings and somehow succeed anyway!! You're living one of those stories, and I can't wait to read the happy ending!!

    I'm out here cheering you on!! You inspire me so much!! Love & hugs, Jodee
    2587 days ago
    It is nice to know that I am not the only one who struggles with this. I love that when I feel discouraged and frustrated I can come on Sparkpeople and read inspiring blogs like this one and get the strength to move on. God has given me some great Sparkfriends and I count you as one. I'm glad you are able to start over and move on. God bless your journey.
    2587 days ago
    Oh Sue, I love you so! My eyes are all teary...
    Thank you for your honesty and example of getting back up again and continuing on the hard (but worth it!) path. You are a treasure.
    2587 days ago
  • BEATRIZ269

    Thank you so much for your courage and this inspirational blog. Yes, we do stumble but we are still in it and you have already proven to yourself you can do this with your successes thus far. This is a temporary wall you will work through with your plan and support of your fellow sparkers one day at a time. I know I am done with the old me and one day at time, even if it takes longer than my head tells me it should, I am changing to the person I want to be.

    emoticon emoticon
    2587 days ago
    Wow, are you in my head or what! This is me right now too. I keep plugging away, looking for a way to get back at it. You've written what I've been feeling and have written it so clearly ~ thanks for that! Sometimes it's just so hard to understand what's going on within us ~ and that can become an obstacle. Once we overcome the obstacle, we can be on our merry way again!

    I've not quit either, just got off the right path! So here's to us, and the others on this journey with us! Let's do this.........together!
    2587 days ago
    You may have old entrenched habits, but you also have blossoming new ones!! We all struggle, we all fall, it's what we do next that defines our path. Getting up speaks louder than falling down!!!! God bless!!!
    2587 days ago
    LOVE this! I think there are many people on SP who seem to be on the perfect journey, no falling down, but I don't think that is the case. Some have HUGE falls others maybe little stumbles and trips. The key to everyone's success is not staying down but getting back up!

    I love what you wrote, love your game plan and LOVE the fact that you've climbed out of the thorn bushes and aren't letting the scratches keep you down. I need you on this journey with me! You've been there for my stumbles and I'll be here for you!

    2587 days ago
  • SARAHJ19
    I love your attitude Sue! You are amazing! Way to go on recognizing everything! You are on the right track! One step at a time! you got this!

    I like when you said this is a marathon not a sprint!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2587 days ago
    We all fall down, we just need to get back up, brush ourselves off and go forward. With our Lord's grace, strength and power, You Can Do This!!!!
    2587 days ago
    Living and Learning, thats what its about....and sometimes you need that sense of defeat, to fight that much harder! Sounds backwards...I know. Take care, I know you are strong and can do this! Welcome back! emoticon emoticon
    2587 days ago
    I liked it when the one of the gals on Biggest Loser said that it's all about believing in yourself-that's the best thing I add-the power is within each of us-grasp it, believe it, and act on it
    2587 days ago
    Thanks for posting such an honest and heartfelt blog. You are such an inspiration. You can do this, we all can fall but we have the choice to stay down or get back up. So happy you chose to get back up. Take care of yourself.
    2588 days ago
    I am so happy to see you back! I know you will do well now that you are back. It is all part of the journey, you are right, one meal at a time for a while until it becomes automatic again. You CAN do this!!!! Looking forward to more blog posts!
    2588 days ago
    Thanks for posting this! It's just what I needed to hear. I've been feeling a little defeated myself recently and I know it's my old perfectionist attitude coming back and saying that since I fell I can't get back up and I should just stay down. But I refuse to do it this time. And I am glad that you refuse to also!
    2588 days ago
    You have a plan:
    "...So it is back to basics for me. One day at a time, one meal at time, one healthy choice at a time. Grace and honesty; forgiveness and accountability. Track everything. Move and sweat. Challenge myself while accepting my limitations. No excuses and no perfection..."

    You can push through this. You can do anything! You're in my prayers. Take care of yourself. ~Erin
    2588 days ago
    Everybody fall down, but it's a great opportunity to learn. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2588 days ago
    You ARE worth it!! What a Champ you are!! We all fall down, and look at got up!! Here you go again and I am there with you every step of the way!!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2588 days ago
    You are such an inspiration! I love this blog. I just "fell down" a few weeks ago too, it's hard to get back up, but I'm so proud of you for doing so! You're so strong and I know you can do it all and reach your goal, no matter how hard, you just proved that. Remember it if you trip up again and I will remember it too! Thanks for the reminder, the honesty and the great attitude. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2588 days ago
    You are simply awesome!!! One sign of growth, is when we can look at "ME" and be completely honest with ourselves. We do fall down, but you are absolutely right we just need to get back up and just keep going. Dust ourselves off, and keep marching!!! No one can do it but us, but thank goodness for our Heavenly Father, and our friends. This is the first time in my life that I have turned to God to get me through the journey, and what a difference it has made...Take care my dear friend!!! Shannon
    2588 days ago
  • BRDGT262
    So proud of you to fight for yourself, you deserve this, you deserve to do this for yourself!!! And when you feel like you can't go any more you just repeat phillipeans 4:13 over and over!!! I know you can do this!!! Thanks for being the wonderful loving, honest spark friend you are!!! You are such an important part of my journey! You inspire me day after day, so just get back up, and keep going!! Hope to see you Thursday, let's say a prayer that the weather will be nice for us!! :)
    2588 days ago
    Back to basics is not a bad thing... in fact, it may be a really great thing!

    I understand about not appreciating what you've accomplished so far, I feel that way myself pretty frequently.

    I hope you get your groove back soon!
    2588 days ago
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