My eating disorder

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I have come to a realization, after doing some research and reading a few books, I discovered I have binge eating disorder. I think it is something I have suspected but did not know the name of for a long time. When I was given medication to drop weight after my first child that was the first clue that I did not have a healthy relationship with food.

Recently, I admitted to myself (maybe for the first time) that the reason I am constantly hungry is not hormonal or physical, it is mental. I finally admitted to myself that what I was feeling is not what everyone else feels about food...the obsessing about, constant thinking about food, and finally the binging. I never really thought about how I eat as binging. But I realized I had been eating this way my whole life and either I would skip meals and deprive myself or overexercise to make up for it. When I first realized that I did this I felt such shame. I hide the book I was reading about it from my husband because I didn't want him to know I did this.

Last night I finally told him. Today I'm admitting it here. I figured I have to admit it so I can find out why I'm doing it. What emotion am I stuffing down with food, when am I really hungry and what is triggering my binge eating. I still feel embarrassed, gross and ashamed about this, but I know it's important to face it and identify it... and forgive myself. I know I'm not horrible, but frequently I feel out of control about food, and my feelings.
I know I have a long way to go but it is important that I come clean about where my poor relationship with food had lead me and how it has taken over my life. this was the first step. Now I will attempt to identify what the feelings are I am suppressing. (I have been doing this for so long I'm not even sure I know.) Anyone who has expreienced this please let me know how you have overcome it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MMRLI11
    That you so much for the support. I feel a little lost but I'm trying to take more notice of how I feel before I eat. It's a lot harder then I imagined. The H.A.L.T things is a great suggestion. I will keep that in mind going forward and also the suggested reading. I think a workbook might be good to help organize how I feel. But again I am so thankful for the support and encouragement
    3616 days ago
  • LAURA1970
    I'm still struggling with that and I know how very hard it is. For me, it's about one good meal at a time. When I find myself wanting to go to Walmart and head straight to the "day old" bakery cart, I know to H.A.L.T and figure out, am I:



    Sometimes I realize that more than emotions, I am craving sugar which means my body needs protein, or I am thirsty or actually just hungry and I try to eat a healthy snack. If, after I consider HALT, I still want to binge, I head for my journal and then for a friend to talk to. It's not easy. It's a constant battle, but you can do it.

    There are lots of good books out there to help. My favorite is "The Food & Feelings Workbook" by Karen Koenig. It's a tough program, but it helps a lot and you can take it bit by bit so it's not too overwhelming.

    3619 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/24/2011 9:00:52 PM
    Oh hun, I have been there. I used to do the exact same things, plus the occasional purging. Every now and then I find myself starting down the same destructive path again. It is so easy to do. What keeps me going down the right path is my baby girl. I don't want her to go through what I did , nor do i want her to make the choices I have made. I don't want her to grow up with the negative body image I did. I want to set a good example for her and be someone she can look up to. She, more so than my son, has encouraged me to finally go about this journey the proper, healthy way. Hang in there. emoticon
    3619 days ago
    Good luck in your journey! You are strong enough and I know you can do it!!
    3619 days ago
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