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The Line Forms on the Right, Babe

Monday, May 23, 2011

We got back from Cape Cod on Saturday, and things looked okay on Sunday morning, only up by .2 and I'm thinkin', this isn't so bad.

Oh, no. That was *yesterday*.

Silly me. I am not allowed to lose weight anymore! So long as I remember that, I won't be disappointed, eh? Because, of course, I'm up another 1.4. Yes, oh, thank you, sir, may I have

I am tired of this nonsense.

I am in the final week of my "eat more, see if you can reset the setpoint" experiment, and so far it has been a big, fat failure. As in, I weigh what I did in April.

Of 2009.

See why I'm a lil ticked off, eh?

I can totally see why, and how, people backslide (hell, I regained several times when I was younger. This isn't exactly unknown territory for me). I can see it, and I can hear it, the siren song of sugar and idleness and alcohol and oh, one won't hurt you!

And then suddenly it creeps back a little, but your clothes still fit, even though they don't look quite so hot, but you go with it, because a little play is natural. And then you're just wearing the stuff with forgiving waistbands and then you buy a few bigger pieces because you need a nice dress or a suit for a job interview or whatever and then you do that again and I swear it is like being a backsliding alcoholic because 14 is okay, and then 16 and 18 are okay and then 20 is okay because it's not the size 26 you used to be, eh? And then suddenly you're back to 26 but somehow that's justifiable because it's comfortable and you used to be that size and people loved you and you were fine and now you know better and you can do it again, right? Right?

Except you're older, and more cynical, and the low-hanging fruit was plucked a long, long time ago and you are staring at yourself in the mirror and thinking, I am too old for this nonsense, and I hate this, and I am tired of it and why can't life be easy like it used to be and oh poor me and God I hate my life and my clothes and my body and wouldn't it be good if somehow someone would invent a way to make it easier and I would do that except right now I just can't haul my butt off the couch.

Yeah, I know those thoughts, those feelings, those actions.

And they have crossed my mind lately. Let it go. Be Zen. Toss it all away.

It all seems so simple. Backsliding. For sliding is easy. You just let gravity take a hold of you and whoosh! You're back to where you were before except, for real, you're lower and the mountain is steeper and you just haven't got as much energy as you used to.

This morning, on the site that I manage, I had a discussion (I don't want to say fight although I was hopping mad) with a girl who was trying to convince people that REM sleep burns more calories than running on a treadmill. And she was annoying and self-righteous and I did my best to present the arguments and say, yes, you do burn a few calories at rest because your heart and your lungs are powered by calories, but to say that that is more than running is just downright irresponsible.

It got me angrier than it should have, and so I am attempting to at least be Zen about that.

As for being Zen about the weight gain, I am not Zen about that.

I am annoyed. I am tired, yes, but I am annoyed. And I am also -- and this seems a nutty thing to admit -- I am hurt.

I am hurt that my body has decided that, for whatever reason, eating well and exercising and drinking water and getting rest are just, somehow, not even cuttin' it for maintaining the weight loss I've achieved so far. I am hurt and I am angry. Something, someone, needs a spanking. Bad body! Bad! Naughty!

So, where do I go from here?

Back to basics? Uh, no, I've been at basics all along. Basics are not working for me. Basics are, right now, a rut. I track. I work out. I eat right. I drink the damned water (I live in the bathroom enough already, thank you very much). I watch the salt. I don't go carb-crazy.

Tomorrow (for today I have a job interview, and that is a part of why I am stressing right now, too), I return to my gym, and pound the treadmill, like I have been, like has not been working for me, for I know that giving up is not in the playbook, and depending on REM sleep for my weight loss is a lot like depending on elves to get it done.

Look out, naughty body. You're not gonna know what hit ya.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I like your spunky will win!
    3520 days ago
  • no profile photo SKEPCHICK
    Frustrating, yes, but hang in there.
    3525 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3248497
    I agree it's frustrating & your experiment is not working. You will figure it out. It sucks, but you will & I love how you know giving up is not an option!
    3526 days ago
    Sounds like it is a good thing you are at the end of the eat more experiment. Maybe ending that will jump start weight loss again? Fingers crossed for you babe. The job hunt stress would have me in bed with bonbons, liver and all. But you seem to keep fighting and that is inspiring.
    3526 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    I have had these exact same thoughts. Push through for a week and you'll likely feel differently. There is an ebb & flow to everything - you can be annoyed by this or not annoyed by this, but it changes nothing. Sigh. Pound it out on the tredmill. Nothing like a good run to clear your energy.
    3526 days ago
    I agree with 4A-HEALTHY-BMI - changing up your cardio might help. I hope your interview went well. Hang in there! emoticon emoticon

    - Karen
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4749243
    Jeepers, Jes. Never've seen you so bummed. Par for the course for me so it's interesting to see you do it. Sorry. Feel better. Do better. Or change your goal.

    No? Your call.

    3526 days ago
    Dude. Deep breaths.

    I don't believe in the "eat more" theory, myself. I use my weight changes (up or down) combined with known caloric intake to estimate my requirements.

    Here are some suggestions:

    1) Your body is used to running. It is efficient at it. Switch up your cardio if you want to increase your burn. Can you find a spin class? Or a rowing machine? Or a Nordic Track? Or a Tae Bo class? To really work some different muscles and burn enormous numbers of calories, you could try doing hard lap intervals in a pool. And I mean really hard, balls-to-the-wall, nothing held back, gasping for breath, wondering if you're going to drown.

    2) Use to figure out what your calorie requirements are. You just put in your daily weight and total calories. It does all the math for you. If you have a scale that estimates % body fat that can sometimes help too.

    If what you're doing isn't working then try something else. Just do not give up, no matter what happens. Because giving up is how the backsliding happens. Your body is not the enemy. Your mind is.
    3527 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/23/2011 12:30:18 PM
    You will get it figured out. I have no doubt you will be back on track. Stress can really mess everyone up. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3527 days ago
    Ugh. Don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. But I will add Good Luck with your interview!
    3527 days ago
    Hang in're doing awesome. I know it's frustrating, but the changes you've made are making a difference even if the scale isn't showing it. Maybe try a new type of cardio - if you've been doing the treadmill, try spinning or swimming, change it up a little. If nothing else it'll give you something a little different! Good luck!
    3527 days ago
    Please stop looking over my shoulder and typing my thoughts into your blog before I can think of them.

    Hang in.... ¢¾ J
    3527 days ago
  • KARBIE18
    I know you've been around here for as long as I have, and have probably tried everything when it comes to plateaus, but have you tried interval training? If changing up the nutrition hasn't worked, is there a way to change up the movement?

    My heart goes out to you - I think of the 3.5 years I've been Sparkling, 3.4 years of that have been spent on one plateau or another. It's frustrating as hell, but, based on your last sentence, I have no doubt you'll bust through.

    Hugs to you,
    3527 days ago
    I often feel the same way.
    3527 days ago
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