BABYCAKES1984

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Is Stress a "choice"

Saturday, May 21, 2011

My mom has cancer and my nephew and brother live with her...my brother is out on the road for 2-3 weeks at a time. My nephew is 19 w/out a job and not going to school. My mom is stressed...going through chemo and has some financial worries. But, she should not have to worry about telling my nephew to do anything around the house. When I told my brother that I did not want our mom to have any stress because she DID NOT need it, he says to me that "Stress is a choice that people make". REALLY????? What the heck??? I want my brother to start being accountable and respoonsible and teach his son to do the same. When I told him he needed to enforce and tell my nephew what needs to be done, he turns it around on me by saying, "Since you're the perfect parent, give me advice". I am not even close to that. I have had my share of trials with my kids. BUT, the difference is that I disciplined them.
Anyway, is stress really a choice? I think there are things a person can do to release some stress, but going through chemo and being worried about the cancer has got to be VERY STRESSFUL....
Thanks for letting me vent!!! Ya'll are the best!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • EVER-HOPEFUL
    to be honest i think some stress is a choice and some stress isn´t.i stress alot because it is in my nature and i have a lot to stress about my husband is more a what will be will be it is preordained so why stress,type.which is annoying some times and a help at others like in my discission to fly back home against dr´s orders(see last blog)at lot of it is not so much about the stress but what we do and or deal with it.i since ask myself the questions from the serenty prayer,i can´t remember the words exactly but it goes abit like this.
    god grant me the courage to change the things i can change,the patience to accept the things i can´t change and the wisdom to know the differance.

    you mother has to decide if the situation at home can be changed or if she has to accept it.only she herself will know what she wants deep downb in her heart.it might give her more stress to chuck your brother out and be alone than put up with there ways.

    either way your mother is lucky to have such a loving and caring daughter standing byher.my thoughts and prayers as usual going your way.
    3612 days ago
  • DIANE7786
    Of course stress is a choice for your brother. His choice is dumping his lazy son on his very ill mother.

    I revised this after reading your last comment. My hope was that your nephew is a poor housekeeper, but helps in other ways. I hoped she enjoyed their company. Now it sounds like she doesn't want them living with her. It's doubtful they will ever "get it." Has she signed HIPPA forms so you can talk to her doctors? It might be good to tell them your concerns. It's so important for chemo patients avoid stress and keep a positive attitude. Her doctors will direct you to people who can help.
    3620 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/22/2011 1:50:18 AM
  • BABYCAKES1984
    Thank you for your bluntness...Ihave told my mom that maybe she should give them an ultimatium...she is reluctant b/c she took out a loan to help him go through Truck driving school. I am hoping and praying that they will "get it" and start doing more. Thank you so much for the prayers and hugs...greatly appreciated. Hugs and prayers back to you.
    3620 days ago
  • MARTHA503
    I'm sending prayers and hugs.

    Stress is not a choice. You and your mom are majorly stressed through no fault of your own. Stress can and does manifest itself into physical illness. With all due respect your brother is an ingrate and needs to grow up. If he were my son I throw him out. Your mom has given him and his grown son the privilege pf room and shelter. He's a total ingrate and so is his son. Forgive me the bluntness but I had cancer for over ten years. My two young adult and disabled children took care of me while in treatment. Anything out of the ordinary is very difficult for them but they cleaned and cooked while their dad worked and tool care of his dad (elder care)

    If you go with her to treatments talk with oncologist and her regular doctors. They can recommend and demand that the son and grandson are a detriment to her health and care. The ultimate decision lies with your mom. The stress isn't helping one bit.

    Good luck to you.
    3620 days ago
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