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So...a bunch of stuff happened...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Let's see...it's been a while.

I haven't blogged in such a long time. In fact I think the last time I blogged was the last time I truly felt like I was in charge of this weight-loss situation, and then all these things started happening, one after the other, and I sorta maintained for a while, then I lost my job the last day of March, and things went kind of wonky. Let me start there...

On March 31, I was called into my manager's office and put onto a conference call, where a very nice woman named Jenny from HR politely told me that my position had been eliminated. It wasn't a complete shock, but I was the only one in my department, and it was immediate. Honestly, it felt like being fired more than laid off, but they framed it as a lay off. My manager then escorted me back to my desk where I had to pack in record time, and then he walked me to my car, took my security badge and wished me luck in the future.

I had been with the company for almost 15 years. I started when I was 19 years old, it was all I knew. Don't get me wrong, I hated working there, the politics, the ridiculous things that happened. And over the course of the last two years my company had been outsourcing our jobs to the Philippines, so I had been preparing myself for this mentally for a while. But I wasn't being let go with a large group of people...I was walked out the door alone. I didn't even have time to say good-bye to the people around me because they did it at noon which is when most people are out to lunch. And just like that...I was in the unemployment line.

I've been working since I am 13...I've never really been without a job...maybe for a few weeks, maybe a month or two at most, but when that happened I was in college, so this is the first time in my adult life I am not working. I am collecting unemployment, and I feel like such a slacker. April started out very badly. I felt ashamed. I wasn't gainfully employed, and as it turns out, I make more money collecting unemployment right now than I would if I took a starting position with another company. If there were actually other companies to take a starting position with...which there aren't, because I've been looking. So, I applied for Unemployment, and even have gone so far as to apply for TAA benefits which will pay for a certain amount of schooling. But the impact of having 24 free hours in a day...it just played with my mind. You would think having more time would be a blessing, but it wasn't. My schedule went bye-bye. I wasn't sleeping right, and I wasn't getting enough water, and I stared eating what I wanted, and slowly...weight started to creep up.

Then my boyfriend came to visit. And the first day he got here....he proposed. Which, I will be honest, wasn't a huge shock. We'd been discussing marriage for a few months, but still, I was (and am) so happy. And the 10 days he was here were a whirlwind. Every single day was packed with things...he met every single member of my family, we ate out every single day he was here, we wedding planned. It was a whole lot of craziness. And I didn't deny myself a thing. We celebrated my Birthday while he was here and not only did I eat a gigantic pasta dinner, I also ate dessert, and had a few drinks. It was food madness. He went back home to Canada on May 1....the week following that was more family birthdays and me consoling myself that SO was gone back home. Not to mention I had been messing with my pill to move TOM, and that COMPLETELY messed with my emotional well being. recipe for disaster.

So...skip to now. I bought a wedding dress. It's beautiful. It's not something I thought I would ever do...ask anyone, I was never the marrying type. It's all really bizarre. I am still grappling with not having a job. And I am planning a semi-traditional wedding (SO. Many. Details. Ugh.). A lot of stuff. But I need to own up...I've gained weight. I have no right to the 90lbs lost award. I've taken it off my page for the time being. I've also adjusted my tracker. It's time.

I've been back on point with my food since last Monday...just over a week. Already, I see my weight dropping back down to where it belongs. I started with a running group yesterday, and I took a walk today, running again tomorrow, and on Saturday too. I might also join my Aunt for water Zumba (who knew??) one day a week. I feel like things have fallen back into place. I am trying to make a schedule within all this free time for myself. I work better in a schedule.

I am making a go of this....my wedding is in October, and I want to be at goal by then...I am willing to do the work. Let's do this!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Congratulations on your engagement. emoticon
    2519 days ago
    Congrats on the engagement, gorgeous. That's wonderful!

    Thanks so much for the update too... I thought my Denzel might have whisked you away to travel New Zealand or something. I know that's where he's taking me :)

    I am sorry so about the job and the way it was handled - "they" never seem to get that right. I would be devastated by someone escorting me to my car - that is so foul.

    You have a lot of bravery in that beautiful body. Who knows what adventures are in store - all I know is you deserve the best.

    Yay! You're back :) muah.

    2519 days ago
    You're getting married!!! I read your status this morning and had to pop over to see what you've been up to. I am SO very excited for you!! Are you going to be moving to Canada now? We'll have to hear all about your wedding planning. I just went through all of that with my sister last year. (She got married in October too). Sorry to hear about your job but I remember your past blogs and it was probably a blessing in the long run. I know no one really likes/wants to hear that but you're on a new journey with new and exciting changes in your life and it's all going to work out. Good luck with your getting back into the swing of things. You've done it before so you know you can rock it. CONGRATULATIONS!!!
    2544 days ago
  • KARVY09
    Congrats! So happy for you, but angry as well for how your employer handled your layoff. There are so many more classy ways that the situation could have been handled. It's sad that it's always about the bottom line and I hope you were able to get to reconnect with coworkers outside the office.

    You will get back to where you were. And I hope you post a pic of the dress soon! YAY!
    2559 days ago
    #1 - I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! #2 - I am so sorry you lost your job - that sucks the big one. #3 - I AM SO DAMN HAPPY YOU'RE BACK AND YOU'RE BLOGGING. I think about you constantly, but I'm a sucky friend when it comes to keeping in touch because I'm so damn self-involved right now.

    Just remember something for me. As hard as it seems to imagine - you will have more time and energy to devote to your wedding, your life planning, your job hunt and all the rest if you take the time every day for yourself FIRST. Hardest damn lesson to learn, and I have no idea why, but it's true. Just do it - you first, you first, you first. Then everything else. You'll be amazed.

    So happy you're back :)
    2559 days ago
    I just popped by your blog. I'm sorry about your job loss! Hopefully it will be a career gain for you somewhere down the line. You deserve it after all your hard work. And congrats on the engagement and you look amazing!
    2560 days ago
    Congrats on the engagement!!

    I was laid off a year ago and ran into the same problem. When you ahve 24 hours to get things done, it's much more easy to put those things off and then you end up getting nothing done.

    You'll get through this!
    2560 days ago
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