I am more than the numbers on the scale.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I have had so many great health related accomplishments lately that I should be proud and overjoyed by how far I’ve come. However, I cannot celebrate because the scale hasn’t budged. I continue to let the scale be my main indicator of success even though I know it’s not the best measurement. My clothes fit better, my running distances are getting longer and I physically feel myself getting stronger. Despite those great achievements I can’t get past the scale being stuck somewhere between 193.6 and 195.5 since mid-April.
Currently, according to my WW weigh-in last Friday, I am at 194.4. I wanted to get into the 180s by my first June weigh-in (6/3) but the way this month is going, it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. When I started, losing weight was so easy. I only tracked about 50% of the time and I was easily dropping 1.5 lbs a week. My running was picking up the slack in my food intake. Well, as my body gets used to running, I can’t eat endlessly anymore and I’m having a hard time with that fact.
I love eating. I love food. It’s my hobby and my passion. I cook 5-6 nights a week. I could spend hours on food blogs and recipe sites. I read restaurant reviews the way people read books. However, I love it so much that I can’t slow down. Moderation is tough for me when the meal is really good. Heck, sometimes moderation is tough for me when the food is terrible. It’s a battle I’ve been fighting forever and right now I feel like its winning. Couple my love of food with my tendency to emotionally eat and you’ve got how I’ve ended up at almost 230 lbs.
I sound like a broken record but I need to get better with a) tracking and b) staying within my WW points. I’m usually fairly ok on the weekdays but on the weekends it all just blows up. We go out to lunch. We go to parties. I do long runs (which leave me ravenous). There’s alcohol and desserts and reasons to celebrate. I know I have 49 extra points and I just assume they will cover my less than healthy meals. They don’t.
I need to keep working on it. This isn’t an easy fix. I have 30 years of bad habits I need to overcome. I have emotional issues I need to face. I have successes in my running that I need to celebrate. I know I need to keep tabs on the scale. When I don’t weigh in regularly, I tend to stray even farther off course. A scale-free month will result in disaster. Despite that, I cannot let the scale define me either.
I will reach my goals of a healthy BMI, a wardrobe that doesn’t come from the plus sized section and closet full of race t-shirts. I just need to keep learning, keep plugging along and keep tracking, even when the tracking results show how poorly I’ve eaten.
It's going to time and work but I WILL get there.