Is it a panic button, or a reset button?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Today, I have been thinking. I do that a lot.
This has been rough lately. Just in the last 4 weeks I have regained 7 more lbs (due to fluid retention and steroids). The recent bout with whatever has caused the facial rash, and joint swelling threw me under the bus. I am flustered. That means I have re-gained a total of 10 lbs. of the 28 I had lost. That is more than 1/3 and I do not like it one bit. I am determined. I am frustrated. I am motivated. I am scared.
Today I have been eating carefully, and had a full night's sleep.
My stomach has been unhappy as well - more reflux than I have had since I began losing weight. I even had trouble drinking cranberry grape juice today. Grr.
So I am eating carefully. and will log it all today. Something I have not been doing since surgery 9.5 weeks ago.
I measured myself last night. Unhappy. gained an inch in each one of the crucial areas. No wonder my clothes have felt tight.
Have to change bras. But my bigger ones, are too big. Need to go get the double D's that I had been measured for. I don't want to spend the money on that. Balderdash.
No, I am not down. Just determined. Again.
Most of my day, I spent listening to music, and cutting out and going through coupons. and thinking. Thinking of pushing that reset button.
Morning PT routine - 22 minutes of stretches and strengthening. (tomorrow is official phys. therapy day)
Breakfast - oatmeal with a banana
Lunch - english muffin, boiled egg, juice
dinner - small steak, grilled onions, brown rice, salad with cucumber and tomato and dressing.
snack - yogurt.
If I feel the need for any more food - and I certainly don't right now - I will make popcorn. But I don't think I will need it. I will keep on drinking my water.
Anyway, my hand is resting, no hovering, over the reset button - to restart this whole thing. Is that a good thing? Or is it better to ride the wave and work at regaining, or rather relosing the ten lbs that have come back to irk and harrass me?
It is like walking a line, I have been working on healthy eating, water, etc., but the little things have thrown my line off course, and I seem to be walking in a different direction. I have to get back on course. I am further from my goal than I wanted to be right now.
Also, speaking with my attorney today regarding the knee, it seems that now another hearing is being requested to treat the knee, and it is not an emergency hearing. It does not look like I will be back to work anytime soon. I had really hoped I could get back at least in late June for summer reading. I am kind of bummed out. Restarting my focus on health, fitness, strengthening my body, re-losing the weight and inches is the only way I can personally regain control of a situation that is out of my control. I got hurt in February of 2009. It took 2 years and one month for them to address my neck. How long is it going to take to address the knee injury sustained from that same fall on the ice? Then how long for the low back? Frustration is rampant. It is hard to stay focused, and positive.
Reset button or is it a panic button? Suggestions? Ideas? Advice?
What have you done? What would you do?