I'm not trusting the system....HELP!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I wish I could find out how many times someone on Spark has blogged aboutthis subject. And then I wish I had a dollar for every time...I probably would be sitting pretty right now.
I moved exercise to the back burner for the last 8 weeks. I think I had gym burn out and I also found other more "fun" things to do with my time. During this time, I tracked my food intake faithfully for 6 out of those 8 weeks. I was proud that I did not gain any weight during this time even though some days my eating (and mostly drinking alcohol) was out of control! I feel like I really was conscious of everything I put in my mouth and tried really hard to balance what I was eating.
So here I am again, back on track for the gym, and I am fighting the urge (not so successfully since I'm blogging about it) to throw this nutrition piece out the window again and just say "F--- it!". I always struggle with balance in my life because I'm so used to an "all or nothing" attitude towards the world. I KNOW this about me and I struggle EVERY DAY to beat it.
I know my feelings about nutrition and an active lifestyle go hand in hand and I feel like I did a year ago when I started my weight loss journey. I feel like I can't do this and it's too hard to *really* measure out EVERYTHING I put in my mouth. I feel like it's just not worth it to live such a structured life around EATING...
I am on a 6 week-whoevergetsclosesttolosin
g 15 pounds challenge. I picked a friend who I knew would keep me motivated and would make me want to work out. I KNEW it was going to cause me to stress out and I KNEW it was going to flood my brain with all kinds of anxiety and "stinkin' thinkin'" about myself and my motivation to really get this weight off faster. I KNOW it's a bad thing to weigh yourself every day and yet I f---ing do it with BAD results. I feel like I've been doing good for my body the past few days and the scale went UP! BY 2 POUNDS. In 3 DAYS. The scale didn't F-ing move for 8 weeks while I didn't exercise and ate what I wanted for the most part. So here I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing and the scale goes up!?!!!!
I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW that I should not let this stupid piece of equipment ruin my day and yet, I stepped on the F-ing thing AGAIN today! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?! I know this is not the measure of success and I KNOW that by Wednesday when I weigh in for my first official week of being back on track that it very well could say I've gained even though I know I didn't. I also know the sweet relief that will come if the scale says I have lost.
This mental hurdle has not kept me from working out and if anything it's going to motivate me to work even HARDER at the gym to lose weight.
I feel like the calorie ranges on Spark and the actual calories I burn are not enough. I feel like the amount of intake is wrong and I feel like I cannot trust the calories burned on the pre set activities on here. How can Spark tell me I've burned 501 calories in 30 minutes on the Elliptical Trainer when my machine tells me I've only burned 350. THATS A HUGE F-ING difference!!! I truly HATE the fact that you cannot figure out how many calories you burn when you are strength training...all it does is add to the number of minutes you put in for physical activity.
If losing weight really is a numbers game...why can't I find consistant information about how many calories I need to burn in order to lose weight consistantly? Why can't I find consistant information that tells me how many calories I need to eat daily in combination with the exercise I do to lose weight consistantly. I feel like I don't have the RIGHT information and I'm so frustrated!!
Prior to "restarting" this Spark thing, I maintained the same weight for 6 weeks even though I was eating within my calorie range and exercising the way Spark said I should...so what is the problem?! Why did I maintain and not lose when I should have been because I was following the program. I know some of you will say "well did you really track accurately how much food you were really eating?!" and the answer is YES!
I'm so frustrated this morning and it's only 9:15. I feel like if I could just get some consistant information, I would feel so much better. I also feel like once I get over this mental hurdle I'm going to look back and laugh at how stupid I must sound.