1-99 SparkPoints 18


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Well, let me start my saying this will not be one of my most "positive" and "motivating" blogs. Ugh! What a week I have had!! I was going to go crawl in to my bed and fall fast asleep, pretending like the world didn't exist. But, instead I got on here, found a few new teams to join, and met a few new people. I've been struggling with some things that I thought I'd overcome. You'd think after nearly 3 years in therapy I would be past it all. But, then something happened to trigger it all and its back! So I'm trying to find some help and deal with it once again. Let me just say, without going into a great bit of detail, that I am a survivor of abuse. What kind you ask? Any type of abuse. You name it! I've been through it! Trama of any kind these days triggers certain events from my childhood. I finally thought I was through all that, but this weekend it hit me hard!! So its back!! The nightmares, the nail-biting and stuttering, the need to eat the house down (lol), the jumpiness, and being emotional and moody. I'm trying to get back on track with my diet and exercise more. This really seems to help me. I had a great talk with my aunt this morning about it all and confided in her what I was feeling. I think she felt partially to blame and I tried to reassure her that it wasn't her fault. And, its not! It's not her fault that I was abused. Now, my mother, that's another story, But, that's also the reason I haven't spoken to my mother in 2 years, too! It's something I have to overcome on my own. It's something that I will live with my whole entire life. I realize that! But, I know I can overcome it! I just get really tired of it showing up again! Will it ever end? I'm tired of going through this. I'm tired of feeling t his way. Maybe its time to get back into some counseling. Ugh!

Thanks for reading!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Find strength in God.
    Philippians 4:13
    " I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

    Also, Forgiveness is an important step to your recovery.

    Just know that I am here if you would like to have someone to share your burdens with.

    3372 days ago
    Thanks for the encouragement ladies. No, I didn't realize it was PTSD. Not sure why I didn't think about that before. Thanks!
    3372 days ago
    (((hugs))) I am here for you and believe me I understand completely.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3373 days ago
  • GABBY308
    See if there's a PTSD support group that you can attend. You do know that it's PTSD causing your "stress" don't you? Where I live we have a crisis services hot line which offers referrals. It took a lot of years for the nightmares and panic attacks to end for me, and then after I thought they were gone for good; something in the news triggered them all over again. I never had therapy though. (Well, I had one bad experience from a male psychiatrist who made a sexual advance). If I had know what I know now that a counselor experienced in trauma work could really help me, it would have been different. I would have healed sooner. I'm 59. Years ago there was a stigma attached to therapy. It's not like it is now. I'm very glad that you can turn to your Aunt.
    3373 days ago
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