STRESS - I REALLY HATE YOU!!!!! :)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Well, let me start my saying this will not be one of my most "positive" and "motivating" blogs. Ugh! What a week I have had!! I was going to go crawl in to my bed and fall fast asleep, pretending like the world didn't exist. But, instead I got on here, found a few new teams to join, and met a few new people. I've been struggling with some things that I thought I'd overcome. You'd think after nearly 3 years in therapy I would be past it all. But, then something happened to trigger it all and its back! So I'm trying to find some help and deal with it once again. Let me just say, without going into a great bit of detail, that I am a survivor of abuse. What kind you ask? Any type of abuse. You name it! I've been through it! Trama of any kind these days triggers certain events from my childhood. I finally thought I was through all that, but this weekend it hit me hard!! So its back!! The nightmares, the nail-biting and stuttering, the need to eat the house down (lol), the jumpiness, and being emotional and moody. I'm trying to get back on track with my diet and exercise more. This really seems to help me. I had a great talk with my aunt this morning about it all and confided in her what I was feeling. I think she felt partially to blame and I tried to reassure her that it wasn't her fault. And, its not! It's not her fault that I was abused. Now, my mother, that's another story, But, that's also the reason I haven't spoken to my mother in 2 years, too! It's something I have to overcome on my own. It's something that I will live with my whole entire life. I realize that! But, I know I can overcome it! I just get really tired of it showing up again! Will it ever end? I'm tired of going through this. I'm tired of feeling t his way. Maybe its time to get back into some counseling. Ugh!
Thanks for reading!