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Winds of Change

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The pavement stretched out before me this morning, sun beating down, warm spring breeze in my face and through my flowing skirt, as I peddled my bike to work. I breathed in the smell of fresh cut grass and thought - this is the first scent of summer. And how beautiful it is!

I've been daydreaming all day about getting home tonight and sitting out in my yard with a magazine and an iced Berry LaCroix water, taking in the remains of one of the most beautiful days I have ever experienced.

It's making me emotional, these winds of change. Not just in the change of seasons, finally to something warm and sunny, but because I can see and feel and taste the change in me. The things that I have denied and shied away from for so many years. The thought that maybe, this year, I can begin to embrace all of those wonderful things that I have been loathe to experience because...I couldn't.

My dear Sparkfriend LOTUSFLOWER wrote the most beautiful blog today about everything she's looking forward to doing this summer.

It brought tears to my eyes knowing that someone else has felt the same things that I have - the gorgeous summer days spent on the couch avoiding shorts, and bathing suits, and activity.

I AM a creature of nature. I love sunshine and lake breezes and the feeling of my skin turning brown from spending time outside in the warmth. And for far too long I have ignored this part of myself. I have literally kept her sheltered inside a dark hole and have not let her breathe the air she so longs for. But not this summer! I haven't sat on my couch in over 3 weeks now. And I like it that way!

Despite the scale's need to disappoint for the past few weeks, today I broke out my first sundress of the season - an item I bought to celebrate my 100 pound weight loss in April. When I bought it, it was still a little tight, but today I put it on and it is loose, and flowy - it fits perfectly. It has confirmed that regardless of what the scale says or does not say, my body is still in this fight. I am enjoying my day of spaghetti straps and bare legs - sunglasses still firmly on my head in anticipation of my trip home.

Here's to the beginning of the season! One of bikes and barbeques, running and reading outside in the sun, pools and ponds, hikes and lighter hair. I embrace my love for the great outdoors. The smells and sounds of summer. A smile on my face the first time I heard the familiar bells of the ice cream truck on my street this week. Gulls circling a picnic lunch. The roar of engines of cars that are just as happy to be out from under the dustcover as I am to be freed from my plastic covered winter windows.

I am anticipating my most active summer yet. Already I have cancelled my bus pass in lieu of riding my bike to work as much as possible. With the extra money I save, I can hopefully buy myself something fun! There will be swimming and training for a 10K in August. And I am just so happy that I am ENJOYING being outside, opting to walk 4 miles home last week on a simply beautiful spring day. It's refreshing for the soul, taking a moment to smell the blossoms and feel the breeze. I feel awake and am excited for all of the new opportunities that the season has to offer.

Wishing you all the best summer yet! Look for me on the patio!

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  • ALOFA0509

    Beautiful Blog!!! Rock On Sista emoticon
    2535 days ago
    Congrats on how amazing you feel and getting to enjoy being that "outdoors" person that you deserve to be. I read your friend, Lotusflower's blog too....Hers was great also and I've now added her as a Spark friend as well. Thanks for sharing the link to her blog. I love the outdoors too but like you I sheltered myself from it a lot because of my weight. I have 143 lbs to lose and I hope by next summer that I will feel so confident as you do to want to do way more stuff outdoors! I can already tell a huge change in myself and that is with only doing this for 2 months so far and losing 17 lbs. I know you are a walk/runner of races and I'm getting ready to do my first 5K walk excited. Keep up your awesome-ness!!
    2536 days ago
    faaaaaaantastic! :)
    2537 days ago
    Its amazing that we deny ourselves the simplest pleasures of life. Love your blog emoticon
    2537 days ago
    Thank you for making me smile... and wishing I were outside!
    2537 days ago
    Wow. What a beautiful blog. The first paragraph alone was just so vivid. I get it though - and I am sure many people do. The old life is really gone. Isn't it? Sometimes I wonder I think - I can't believe I did this or thought about myself "that" way - after all, it's not that long ago that we decided to change our lives.

    I am so happy for you. I am so proud of you as I am sure you are too.

    Adventures await, beautiful. And you deserve every single one of them. Go get 'em.

    2537 days ago
    Me too! I feel as if this is just another opportunity for me to make up for every summer I spent hiding and cursing the heat instead of enjoying my life and the beautiful world around me! CANNOT WAIT! Not waiting actually. Every nice day we've had, I've been out in it doing SOMETHING - tennis, walking, running (only little bits...shhh ..don't tell the PT). On Monday I went to the sports store for a volleyball. My new goal in life? To have a car packed full of balls and equipment for every sport imaginable so we can all play together all dang summer! And muddy hiking boots (hence the immediate need for a plastic mat protector for the back of the of the first accessories we bought! *lol*)!
    2538 days ago
    The summer's here too, and it's wonderful. As soon as I am able (curreently post-op for abdo surgery) I will be out there on long walks, bronzing that skin to perfection, eliminating the pasty white for a while. On with the BBQs, long summery evenings... Come on SUN...don't let us down!!

    Lovely blog - well done you!
    2539 days ago
    we are finally starting to thaw out and I am actually beginning to believe that we are actually not going ot get hit with any more snow. I feel like i am crawling out of the weather fallout shelter and actually believing that it is finally going to get nice... I am with you, I cant wait for summer and how wonderful it is going to feel to get out and enjoy it!
    2539 days ago
    YES for that sun dress and for the smell of grass and for opting to walk the 4 miles home, and for not taking the bus, but biking it, and for running a 10K this summer!!!!! I cannot WAIT for it, and I'm excited that we will be doing some of these things together -10K for sure and I'm gonig to try to get you out to Millennium Park one of the Saturdays this summer! Save me a seat on the porch and I'll bring a flower for your hair! It's been too long to ignore these parts of ourselves. Well, for me, discovering that outdoors "self", and for you rediscovering that woman within. I am SO darn proud of you for reaching 100 lbs. lost and give the scale the hand, that sun dress tells the story. emoticon emoticon emoticon

    p.s. that picture of me with Marlo was from last summer, after my first 5k, can you believe it? I had already lost 40 lbs. too at that point. Thanks for noticing the difference, I feel like a different person too!

    p.s.s. thanks for linking to my blog, you're the sweetest!
    2539 days ago
    Congrats! Congrats for having a pretty dress that fits beautifully, congrats for enjoying the sunshine on your face, and congrats embracing and not fearing summer and all that summer entails.
    2539 days ago
    Great blog!

    2539 days ago
    2539 days ago
    Great blog! Enjoy every minute of the summer! emoticon
    2539 days ago
    Me too me too! I came to this realization a few weeks back as well. How genuinely GIDDY I am for summer! Really being able to enjoy the fun of summer. I have avoided the water park with my kids forever. They have never been to a water park! This summer we are going! SO many things we missed out on, hating our bodies. It's so sad! I am so excited for you and your sun dress and your SUMMER! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2539 days ago
    I read your blog, closed my eyes and I could feel the sun on my face! Thank you because I'm starting to think summer will never arrive in WInnipeg. Can't wait to hear all about your active summer.
    2539 days ago
    Perfect blog - I'm finally feel like I'm coming out of hibernation!
    2539 days ago
    Absolutely! If you want this as badly as I want it, then you want it BAD! This is such a great, insightful, well-written blog post. This summer is going to ROCK, damnit, and we're going to enjoy every friggin' minute of it!
    2539 days ago
    You rock! It's as if you knew someone needed to hear this. Thank you!
    2539 days ago
    I'm so ready to join you! Thanks for the sunshine today :)
    2539 days ago
    I am feeling exactly the same way! Apparently spring fever has caught on here at SP! I busted out my peep toe shoes today for the first time this season. Gotta love it!
    2539 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    lovely emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2539 days ago
    "I feel awake and am excited for all of the new opportunities that the season has to offer." I'm looking forward to hearing all about your journey & adventures.
    2539 days ago
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