Short lived again.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

After my last blog about the sad and devastating picture of my butt.....
You think that I would have got some motivation? Some mojo? Figure out to getting on track?
I was "going to get this" and "gonna take this and run with it" "Finally getting on track!"
I sat.... I ate.... I self loathed.... I ate... I cried.... I ate.... I whined to anyone who would listen....I ate
My life is in this weird downward spiral. I don't really know why exactly. I mean really for the most part I can usually say this is what's making me sad _________________. This is how I'm going to fix it ______________________. Tada! Done!

This time is different. No matter how hard I try all I can think of is well my life sucks. That's it. I'm just not happy. I have very few friends, most of my family doesn't really care about me, my mother is still manipulative and abusive, my boyfriend is a jerk and lazy, my job is depressing and my coworkers are mean, my dog is sick and financially we can't afford the vet every week, church seems to just be a waste of time, I'm almost 28 and don't have kids, I look in the mirror and I hate who I've become.

What I like about my life? Not much.... I'm thankful that I have a decent paying job, the few friends I have, a home, a car, and food to eat even if it is poison.

I feel like I'm caving in or exploding or something all together ugly. I used to get it I used to be happy. I don't know where that went? When did I become this miserable self loathing person.
When did I become this women who is as ugly on the outside as she is on the in. When?

I guess the "when" and "why" aren't as important as the "solution". That's what I'm working on. That's what I can't figure out. How do I fix it all?

I guess that's only something that I know.... Or that I have to figure out? Oh well I'll either die from obesity or die trying to fight it.
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  • no profile photo CD9810080
    There is a lot that you can do and you can turn your life around! It starts by your vision of yourself. You have to work on who you want to become and then once you have a clear vision, add action to it and things will start happening and changing.
    The problem is that is you keep thinking the way you are thinking right now, you will keep living the life you are living!
    You have to find your self worth and work on the things that are keeping you down!
    You can do it! Take one day at the time and everyday do something you can feel proud of!
    3693 days ago
    STOP! there is nothing wrong with you - i'll say it again: there is nothing wrong with you!!! there may be things in your life that arent what you want for yourself - like parents, the kind of job we do (in this economy) - but there are others you can change, and you have already started changing what you look like - thats why you're on spark right? CONGRATULATIONS emoticon ... you have the courage to change what you dont like, and i'm sure you have the wisdom to know which these are now work on serenity to accept those you cant change...life is much simpler that way, but of course the process is not as simple and it does not happen overnight - work on it, everyday, consistently and you'll be all the better for it... emoticon emoticon and remember, you never have to do anything alone here on the spark!!
    3694 days ago
    Kid I don't even know where to start. I can love you until you love yourself. Please be kind to yourself.
    3694 days ago
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