After my last blog about the sad and devastating picture of my butt.....
You think that I would have got some motivation? Some mojo? Figure out to getting on track?
I was "going to get this" and "gonna take this and run with it" "Finally getting on track!"
I sat.... I ate.... I self loathed.... I ate... I cried.... I ate.... I whined to anyone who would listen....I ate
My life is in this weird downward spiral. I don't really know why exactly. I mean really for the most part I can usually say this is what's making me sad _________________. This is how I'm going to fix it ______________________. Tada! Done!
This time is different. No matter how hard I try all I can think of is well my life sucks. That's it. I'm just not happy. I have very few friends, most of my family doesn't really care about me, my mother is still manipulative and abusive, my boyfriend is a jerk and lazy, my job is depressing and my coworkers are mean, my dog is sick and financially we can't afford the vet every week, church seems to just be a waste of time, I'm almost 28 and don't have kids, I look in the mirror and I hate who I've become.
What I like about my life? Not much.... I'm thankful that I have a decent paying job, the few friends I have, a home, a car, and food to eat even if it is poison.
I feel like I'm caving in or exploding or something all together ugly. I used to get it I used to be happy. I don't know where that went? When did I become this miserable self loathing person.
When did I become this women who is as ugly on the outside as she is on the in. When?
I guess the "when" and "why" aren't as important as the "solution". That's what I'm working on. That's what I can't figure out. How do I fix it all?
I guess that's only something that I know.... Or that I have to figure out? Oh well I'll either die from obesity or die trying to fight it.