I think I am a runner!!
Thursday, May 05, 2011
I broke another personal record for myself and can honestly say I am definitely finding joy in running lately. Yeah sometimes I am like ehhhh don’t feel like it. And the other day I decided to go for a run and wasn’t sure if I felt ready, if I had eaten enough or was up to par. And I ended up running 8 miles in 73 minutes! And I was really proud because I had run all the way to the end of the boardwalk, and ran back and instead of stopping at my car which would have been 6 miles I went for another two. And it just felt really accomplishing and it’s always in the last half of the run that I feel the best mentally because my knees begin to hurt and my legs get tired but my mind is what keeps me moving. My mind is what keeps me motivated and tells me to just go one more mile then turn around and it’s just back to the car. I’ve found I have a lot more willpower lately and maybe the running and the mental education I have to give myself to keep myself going long distances is going to be what helps me overcome my food addiction and help prevent binges.
I only binged once this week, and it truthfully was a stress binge. I have a big Chemistry final tomorrow and last night after work I realized I wanted to get mothers day shopping done because I needed all day today to really just sit and study. So after work I ran home and didn’t have time to make dinner so I had peanut butter and jelly on a wheat thin and a Cliff bar and ran out of the house. Doing that, not having a full balanced meal and feeling bad about it and the rising anxiety about not having enough time to do everything made me want more. So I had chips and a cookie from wawa. The worst was later at night when I had a hot pocket. But I know that today I plan on doing a long distance run and will go back to counting my calories today. But for me to only have one binge this week was a big success. I think the mental training is helping I think I am training my mind to be stronger. I can much more easily talk myself out of things. I may have been bad last night but I really really wanted an Auntie Anne’s pretzel but I didn’t get one. And I really wanted ice cream but didn’t get it. I settled for walking past it. So I feel like I am growing in that sense.
I did bathing suit shop yesterday and it was a strange feeling. I bought bikini tops and two dresses for my vacation to the Dominican republic in June. I’ve realized I like dresses and skirts more than I like shorts. I have very muscular thick legs so I feel like dresses are more flattering. I still feel self conscious, like I shouldn’t be wearing a bikini. But I hope to move past that. I work really hard on my body, I hope that I can be more proud of it soon.
Anyway I’m going to the gym now. I plan on a longer run. Some days I love running outside, and others I like running for long distances on the treadmill while watching a movie. I like to switch it up and I feel like it is easier on my knees too. I’m getting so close to the 13 miles!!!