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About strength.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Since my mother's passing a month ago, my life has gone topsy-turvy and come back again. I've been down to the bottom and come back up, and felt like I was on a rollercoaster from hell. But now, surprisingly, I feel stronger than I've ever felt before.

Why? How can this be? I was out walking and it hit me like a ton of bricks: I never thought I could survive without her. I asked her advice about everything; I called her almost every day. I miss her with a strength that shocks me, and yet, now I know without a doubt that I can survive anything and come out stronger. Despite missing her terribly, I am OK. I know that I can be strong and confident within myself, and that is an amazingly empowering feeling. I have done so much hard work on myself this past year--body work in front of the mirror, journaling, reading about compulsive eating and doing exercises, affirmations, the works. And apparently it has all paid off, since I feel better about myself and more capable than ever.

Having that feeling is what's keeping me going. Sometimes I feel a little guilty, but I know that's normal too. I know it will get easier with time. I love you, Mama. I'll always miss you, but I know that you are finally taking a much-deserved break. Rest easy; I'm going to be OK.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    it will get better in the time, you'll still miss her but the feeling of loss will fade. just love her where ever she is and don't doubt she'll still protect you all the time.
    emoticon kori
    3182 days ago
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