The Cradle of Lovingkindness
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I am going through so many changes and am trying to be gentle with myself. I think this is a key factor in being able to achieve anything-----being “polite”, gentle and considerate towards one’s self. My boyfriend likes reading Pema Chodron’s books. She’s not my fave, but I did listen to one of her CDs and liked this one line she said: “Rock yourself in the cradle of loving-kindness.” Reading this line makes me smile, even laugh and then it makes me get down to the business of taking care of myself and loving myself. I once had a therapist tell me I should treat myself as well as I treat my pet rats.
Changes through which I have been traveling: quitting alcohol (since August, ----almost 9 months now) and becoming Vegan, (since around January,) both coinciding with having one of my rats not recover fully after surgery in August and his subsequent euthanasia at the end of December. Life has it's braided themes.
I realize I am struggling with being a perfectionist and a workaholic. I just spent some time reading some articles online about how to stop these self-destructive traits. One thing I’m going to do is to stop working each day by 5 or 6 pm.
Fairly recently I tried an experiment. I offered to do a presentation in front of a group of colleagues. Unlike usual, I did not spend hours polishing my presentation. Hoping for the outcome of finding out I didn’t have to work so hard when the result was that I gave a lousy presentation! Afterwards I felt like I’d been “had” (by my own self!). It felt so strange that I was trying to give myself a break by not be such a perfectionist and then it turned out to be a flop!
I have been told I am too hard on myself but, if this is the only life I’ve ever known, how can I tell if this is true?! Because enough people have told me this, (including those about whom I care deeply,) I will choose to believe it.