Ranting and raving!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Feeling really good today! A little sluggish because of allergies. It’s been very humid and warm so I put a box fan in my bedroom window but paid for it because I could barely open my eyes this morning. I am guessing the pollen and all the bad stuff in the air is now coating my bed and carpet. So I have to vacuum later and try to deal with it without opening the window tonight. I woke up today and had a good breakfast of 3 egg whites and one full egg on a whole wheat tortilla. Drank my coffee and glass of Trop50 orange juice and headed to the gym. I watch TV shows and movies on my phone and today the recent episode of Glee was on and truthfully I lost track of time and didn’t realize the episode was over an hour long special, and ended up being on the elliptical for an hour and fifteen minutes. So when I finally looked down I stopped and jumped off knowing that it would take a toll on my strength training. But that’s okay, extra cardio never killed anyone.
I am definitely ready for my P90X to get here though. I change up my strength training and try to never do the same moves two days in a row but I think I just need a jump start. I am rarely sore anymore, and even though I watch others in the gym and do moves they’re trying sometimes, I just need something that’s going to leave me going OWWW. So I am definitely anxiously awaiting it’s arrival. I also cannot wait for my brand new sports bras to arrive. For a long time I’ve let myself exercise in crappy clothes. I wear the same four pairs of yoga pants and the same three or four t-shirts to the gym. My sports bras have been from Marshalls and they’re okay quality but I know if I am going to be training for this half-marathon I needed something better. I’ve been getting irritations from the now humid weather and sweating. The creases of my legs to my hips, and under my breasts have been getting irritated and itchy and painful. Sometimes my bra will rub me the wrong way and actually leave a sore. So I knew it was time to move up. I work out every day it’s practically my second job so I knew it was worth it. I spent about 40 dollars each on two new bras and I tried on about a thousand before I finally found these. They’re very supportive and comfortable and I just can’t wait to wear them on my next long distance run!
Food wise, it’s changed again! Lol. It’s funny because sometimes I’ll go for a month and be hungry constantly and eat a little more than usual. Then like this month I’ve been eating smaller meals and staying fuller longer. I’ve started counting again more to just make sure I don’t go over 2,000 because I do want to lose SOME body fat but not insane amounts and I did the math and if I stay in the 2,000 range I can lose about a pound in 10 days. So hopefully that works. I only want to lose about 8-10 so maybe it will happen. If not, I’m sure P90X will help that. But yeah I’ve been staying fuller longer and eating lighter meals than usual. I’ve also found I don’t WANT to eat out as often as I used to. The one thing I will admit I still do is dessert. I don’t know why a sweet treat after dinner just does it for me. But truthfully having a small frozen yogurt or an ice cream bar satisfies me better than if I eat dinner then have popcorn then have fruit then this then that. After the ice cream I can usually be good for the rest of the night. And I stay within range so I try to tell myself, what’s the harm?
I have been obsessed with several weight-related shows lately. One is Addicted to Food which is getting so good and talks about a lot of the emotional work behind getting healthy. I think it’s part of why so many people try and fail because emotionally and mentally they aren’t ready for a life change. I truthfully believe if everyone was in therapy or had someone to understand their reasons for eating, everyone could do it. It took me a long time to figure out why I eat, and I still don’t have it completely under control but I have it under control enough that I am able to maintain. I still have lonely nights where I can’t help but binge but I try very hard to recognize when that is approaching and find ways to avoid it. It’s just a fantastic show that really shows how much emotion and pain is behind eating disorders.
Another show I saw was on OWN also and it was called Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. And it is about a clinic that houses only the morbidly obese and I am talking 500-700 pound people being there. And while a lot of people who go there do recover through rehabilitation, some like this one 700 pound man kept having fast food delivered and pizza delivered and the doctor can’t ban outside food so he had no control but he let this guy stay there and he gained 300 pounds just being there because he was immobile. And it just was amazing how this doctor wouldn’t give up on this man, and this man eventually almost died because of breathing problems and swore he would change his ways and then went back to ordering out. And another patient was a woman who was 400 pounds and wanted gastric bypass surgery. And the doctor at the clinic said no way because she is a compulsive eater and just kept ordering out food and people brought her cases of donuts and chips and whole pizzas. And he knew she was doing it as a quick fix and that it was extremely risky to do especially on someone who can’t control their eating. And while he said no, she found a doctor to do it and literally three weeks after the surgery she was ordering out fast food and pizza and bad crap. And it just reinforced why I feel like that weight loss surgery should be something where you have to be very seriously psychoanalyzed before being allowed to get it because several of the people on Addicted to Food and in the Brookhaven Clinic have HAD the surgery and gained all or more back! Because they never LEARNED how to eat.
These shows fascinate me because there is so much emotional turmoil behind eating disorders whether it be compulsive overeating or anorexia/ bulimia. It’s not just that someone is “lazy” or “stupid” that they become that obese. Sometimes it’s poor education, where they were brought up eating McDonalds, pizza, fast food, and junk so when they got older that’s all that they knew. Sometimes it’s genetics where yes this person has a predisposition to being overweight and combined with poor education and poor choices it creates a snowball effect leaving them morbidly obese. But sometimes, like this show has shown me, there is addiction. And each of the people with an eating disorder showed clear signs of addiction and also had other addicts in their family, confirming that addiction runs in families. And I wish more people would see that this is a huge epidemic and a problem and we need to get education into schools so kids can start making the right choices AND educating THEIR parents on what they should be eating. I really cannot wait for Jamie Olivers Food Revolution to start up, there will be MANY blogs about that show lol.
Anyway sorry I get really amped up about that subject. Because I was emotionally a wreck, almost ruined a relationship, ate my feelings continuously and I saw the light and realized I am addicted to food. And now I am addicted to exercise. And while it’s a healthy addiction right now I also know it can turn bad. For now it’s okay but I do listen to others when they say “don’t overdo it” because it’s in my personality to become very addicted and controlling about something. But I know I was able to change my life and have the power to say I would do this for my health and my future. I just wish the same for others.