First, thank you EVERYONE who stopped by and offered support. I know I haven't gotten in to say so, but I really do appreciate it.
I haven't been eating well lately. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been taking care of myself the way that I know I should. It's depression combined with stress combined with frustration. Because really, nothing has slowed down since my last update. In fact, it's gotten busier.
We're still up in the air with the whole cancer thing. Rich is having genetic testing done, since he's the 4th generation in his family to have colon cancer. We're 99% sure we know what the results are going to be. And if he does have that genetic anomaly, we have to worry about his whole GI tract, because that's where it strikes. And, in about 20 years, my boys will have to start their testing because it's a good bet that they'll have the anomaly as well. We're looking at a few option right now, since they still can't be sure that they got all of it out. And none of the options are particularly good.
Because of the visits to the hospital, he missed 3 nights, over 2 weeks, of teaching at his 2nd job. Which, of course, cuts into income. Which makes me worry on that end of things.
Then there's my Dad, who is also in the hospital. We knew he was going in. He had to... well, he pretty much had to have his spine reconstructed. The way that the curve of his back was, it was like he was constantly walking up hill. It put a lot of pain and pressure on his body and it was almost impossible for him to do anything. There's a procedure in which they can go back and fix the back so there's a healthy curve again. It won't mean that Dad will be pain free and ready to go out dancing all night long, but the pain will be less and he'll be able to do more. He had the surgery done on Monday, about 30 minutes from my apartment. So I've been up there every day. However, he's still in ICU (though hopefully this will change this week) which means the kids can't come in to visit him. Which means I've got to find someone to keep an eye on my boys while I visit him. He's feeling a bit better but his blood pressure is still pretty low, so there are definite worries.
I'm trying to let go of the things that I can't control, but it's hard. Especially when the kids seem to sense that I'm on edge and decide to act like sharks sniffing bloody water. It's hard, sometimes, to remember that they are two and five.
So, I'm a bit better, a bit worse, a bit... here. I'm going to start writing up a daily schedule, along with a list of things that I WANT to do and prioritize them. Because I'm finding myself feeling guilty when I can't get them all finished.
I'll make it through. I always do. Because, as I mentioned on someone else's blog, the only failure is to not try again. And I'm continuing to try. Because it's what's ultimately best.
Now, in trying to work toward a more positive attitude, I'll mention something I'm grateful for. And that something, at the moment, is that once I get back from picking up the kids at PDO in 10 minutes, I won't have to go out in this horrid, rainy, lightning-y, tornado-y weather for the rest of the day!