Sunday, April 24, 2011

UGH. I am on this constant swing back and forth... I need to get back into a regular exercise regimen and get some better eating patterns. I get to this point where I think I'm happy the way I am and I get kind of lazy. I also get sooo wrapped up in my work that I make excuses for not exercising. I still walk pretty much everyday, or ride my bike. But, if I'm being brutally honest with myself, I haven't been doing nearly ANY cardio or weight-lifting lately, and I used to love both! Ughhhh! My eating is okay. Could be better. I've been cheating a lot more lately. I'm trying to eat mostly raw foods (after being shocked by a great documentary called 'Food Matters'), and it's difficult sometimes - somewhat a result of my laziness in finding new recipes. (I'm also cursed with a tiny kitchen with no dishwasher until we move to Austin - not that that's an excuse, but I'd feel more excited about making food if I had more space and didn't have to spend forever doing dishes...)

I can't do this anymoreee. It's like, I will be on a great streak for months and months, and then if I get off of it for two weeks or so, I'm totally off the wagon. I haven't really gained weight in the last year - I'm hovering around 165-168. But I haven't lost weight either - and I would like to. I just need to be healthier and more fit. In many ways, I'm healthier than I've ever been - but I still have a ways to go if I want to establish long-term habits that will keep me healthy...

Anywho, just needed to get this out... feeling kind of stuck and strangely unmotivated... and I know there's probably other stuff I'm not addressing in my life that is causing me to behave this way. I know there are things that need fixing. But I know only I can choose a healthier path. No one can do this for me. I have to want it bad enough and not be afraid of it...

Anyway... I hope anyone else who reads this is feeling good and in pursuit of your goals :]


Edit: I also wanted to add that I tend to feel guilty coming on Sparkpeople when I know I'm not living as healthily as I can (I know, it's weird and soo stupid and the exact opposite of what I should do - but I'm only human). I try to tell myself I don't need SP, but I really do still need it... It's kind of like an online support group. So any support and words of encouragement would be sooo much appreciated...

Edit 2: OK. So I just lifted some weights and put on some music and danced. It was fun! I need to stop this silliness. I build this up in my mind as an insurmountable task - and it's not. All it is is a matter of changing mental, emotional and physical habits - which I've done before and can do again! It's time to bounce back. I need to feel good again, and I know what it'll take for me to do just that. So I'm going to do it. And if I fall off the wagon again in the future, I'm realizing that it's becoming much easier to get back on as time goes on - as in, at some point, I stop my self-pity and get off my lazy bum and do something about it. When I was younger, I was so angry with myself, I didn't allow myself to be healthy and happy. I wallowed in self-pity all the time. It was like I was punishing myself. So... no more! Tomorrow is a brand new day, spring is here, and I want a fit body! I'm 23, quite healthy, and I have energy to expend. I'm going to do this...
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Be the First to Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.