PEARLGIRL08

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Ahhhhhh!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

UGH. I am on this constant swing back and forth... I need to get back into a regular exercise regimen and get some better eating patterns. I get to this point where I think I'm happy the way I am and I get kind of lazy. I also get sooo wrapped up in my work that I make excuses for not exercising. I still walk pretty much everyday, or ride my bike. But, if I'm being brutally honest with myself, I haven't been doing nearly ANY cardio or weight-lifting lately, and I used to love both! Ughhhh! My eating is okay. Could be better. I've been cheating a lot more lately. I'm trying to eat mostly raw foods (after being shocked by a great documentary called 'Food Matters'), and it's difficult sometimes - somewhat a result of my laziness in finding new recipes. (I'm also cursed with a tiny kitchen with no dishwasher until we move to Austin - not that that's an excuse, but I'd feel more excited about making food if I had more space and didn't have to spend forever doing dishes...)

I can't do this anymoreee. It's like, I will be on a great streak for months and months, and then if I get off of it for two weeks or so, I'm totally off the wagon. I haven't really gained weight in the last year - I'm hovering around 165-168. But I haven't lost weight either - and I would like to. I just need to be healthier and more fit. In many ways, I'm healthier than I've ever been - but I still have a ways to go if I want to establish long-term habits that will keep me healthy...

Anywho, just needed to get this out... feeling kind of stuck and strangely unmotivated... and I know there's probably other stuff I'm not addressing in my life that is causing me to behave this way. I know there are things that need fixing. But I know only I can choose a healthier path. No one can do this for me. I have to want it bad enough and not be afraid of it...

Anyway... I hope anyone else who reads this is feeling good and in pursuit of your goals :]

xoxo

Edit: I also wanted to add that I tend to feel guilty coming on Sparkpeople when I know I'm not living as healthily as I can (I know, it's weird and soo stupid and the exact opposite of what I should do - but I'm only human). I try to tell myself I don't need SP, but I really do still need it... It's kind of like an online support group. So any support and words of encouragement would be sooo much appreciated...

Edit 2: OK. So I just lifted some weights and put on some music and danced. It was fun! I need to stop this silliness. I build this up in my mind as an insurmountable task - and it's not. All it is is a matter of changing mental, emotional and physical habits - which I've done before and can do again! It's time to bounce back. I need to feel good again, and I know what it'll take for me to do just that. So I'm going to do it. And if I fall off the wagon again in the future, I'm realizing that it's becoming much easier to get back on as time goes on - as in, at some point, I stop my self-pity and get off my lazy bum and do something about it. When I was younger, I was so angry with myself, I didn't allow myself to be healthy and happy. I wallowed in self-pity all the time. It was like I was punishing myself. So... no more! Tomorrow is a brand new day, spring is here, and I want a fit body! I'm 23, quite healthy, and I have energy to expend. I'm going to do this...
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