Getting it together

Not easy to do.

I am now 142-143 pounds and my baby is 9 months. I can't say that I'm all recovered from the shocker that my husband gave me a few months ago. It is only now that I see what hurts and why it hurt so much that he had cheated on me through most of our courtship. Not how many women, but how easily and effortless he did it. The fear of the future, fear of becoming the woman I always critize, at home happy with her children clueless of the man she really has. Or the bitter woman alone in her apartment hating and resenting him for the rest of my life.
I know that it is out of my control what he does in the future. I choose not to screen his daily phone calls and texts, or spy on him at work, or hack his email. I choose control over me. Control over what kind of person I'm willing to accept by my side. I told him this, I told him that I could not trust in his words (at least not now) but I can make my decision based on his actions and decisions he makes today and in the future. I give it my best, I deserve the best.