I'm not going without a fight!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Soooooooooooooooo..... We don't ALWAYS know our future. Last thing I said was I was going for Gold. But that's NOT what happened. That's NOT the next chapter in my journey.

I was taking a long time to recover after my show in September of last year. I found it hard to lose any weight at the calories that had previously been my "magic numbers". After 2 1/2 months I finally broke down and saw my Dr. Verdict.... Adrenal Exhaustion and hypothyroidism to boot! I was devastated!

It took me 3 months to start feeling a little better. In that time I put on too much weight. But what do you do when the only thing that remedies adrenal exhaustion is also what leads to weight gain - eating and resting. Couple that with hypothyroidism and I'm 40lbs heavier.

I've spent the last 6 months fighting with the fact that this was NOT my fault. It's not like I gave up, or quit. I had no choice. Had I gave up, I promise you the weight gain would have been MUCH more. So to bust your ass for 3 years and wind up here.... is devastating to say the least. I still struggle with feeling embarrassment and regret.

I've spent the last several months trying to recover from the news of the direction my next chapter will take. It's hard when you don't get to decide what story will be written on those pages. When that story has been written for you and you must do what you have to with what you've been given. But isn't that really what I did in the first place? The journey that had me making choices that led me to losing over 100lbs, competing in figure competitions, becoming a personal trainer, and deciding to be active in my own life?

It's now that I realize just because I'm dealt something that I didn't want, doesn't mean I am less than in any way. I didn't CHOOSE what I've been dealt, but I DO have a choice in how I deal with this.

Maybe "going for gold" couldn't come until after I endured this. Maybe the best is yet to come. No one determines my fate but ME. One thing I've learned about myself through this ENTIRE process is that I AM A FIGHTER!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MICHAEL712020
    I can understand how you feel. Back in 2006 I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. Had it clamped off and doing fine now. Since the aneurysm was only 2cm in size the Dr. wanted to just watch it. I told him he was going to fix it.

    Don't give up keep moving forward like you are and you will reach that new goal.

    Have a Great Day
    High Five emoticon
    3592 days ago
    Many types of Gold and it sounds like your still going for it that's inspiration on top of all you've already accomplished thanks for sharing
    3596 days ago
    Hi - I came across your page and was reading about the fantastic things you have accomplished and this recent struggle - I can tell you are frustrated, but after reading all you have accomplished to date, I have no doubt that you will be able to work through this set-back and get right back on track - you are an inspiration & I thank you for sharing!!! -Shanna

    3597 days ago
    Wow. Just happened to check in on you and your site and saw your post. While I haven't been "officially diagnosed" with anything, and I feel good, I too have struggled with the post competition issues of weight gain and not being able to lose like I think I should.... It's definitely been a learning experience. Keep fighting the GOOD fight and sharing your journey!
    3598 days ago
    Just came across your page and photos -- how inspiring. And then I read your blog -- how frustrating. Definitely take this latest obstacle as a bump in the road. Rest, heal and recover is the best medicine even if it includes 40 pounds. I'm friending and blog subscribing to keep up with your progress, best of luck. ~ Janet
    3599 days ago
    You are one strong woman. I had my share of medical issues and recovery a year ago, that left me with a different body. I think you are absolutely right "the best is yet to come".

    3603 days ago
    I've been dealt a hand I didn't want either...we will get just may take a little longer than we would like...we'll overcome...
    3607 days ago
  • no profile photo BELLA044
    You are a fighter & an have been an inspiration to me!! Just a bump in the road, I hope you are feeling better & happy to have you back!

    3608 days ago
    It is so hard when things happen that are out of control. You are right. You do have a choice in how you deal with this. You ARE a fighter and you WILL come out stronger as a result.

    3609 days ago
    Fight on! Another figure competitor had the same thing happen! Wish I could remember who it was. She was on Spark. Keep blogging, keep working, but most of all, take care of your HEALTH! and it will take care of you. That is some serious business.
    3609 days ago
  • BOBF15
    Glad you are a fighter, I am too. emoticon
    3609 days ago
  • LUVW8S
    I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I know how hard you have worked and I truly admire you. You have set an example for so many others. You beleived in yourself and you reached your goals. You have so much to be proud of. I will be praying for you some physical and mental strength and know you will triumph over this hill into new goals! emoticon
    3609 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.