What to do for the best.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I feel so pathetic, I feel helpless and useless. I feel of no worth anymore.
I was once an upstanding citizen. I felt I could offer advice and be respected. I once was able to council and offer help.
I am no longer anything. I know that you my friends, give me support, and it is truly appreciated. But, I cannot value myself of ay substance now.
I don't write these things to senseationalise them, I do it as though it is my last will and testament. I know nothing of a "normal" life anymore, and sink into a world of darkness and alchoool as I try and block my thoughts of the damp future ahead.
I recently in hospital met a blind Ukranian man who was 89 years old. He moaned of the bread that felt like window puty in his mouth.
Clare, who's father would have know this amn (being Ukrakina), I acted to find his addresss and take him sime Italian bread and visit him in hs ramshackled home. I was so sad and near to tears at his existance. I promised him that I would ervisit him and care for him also.
I also revisiteed hositpal to see a Muuslimn man and toook him cans of Fants and McDonalds as he was cravinfs for these things. I did this 4-5 times and it Made a bubble of private life for me. I however can no longert ciope with this and am drinking nbneer and longing for a quiert
wat to rid mysekfl of all this pain.
I am beginnig to lose the abiltyt to be ablwe to typwe as well so I must go nolwe