HEALTHYASHLEY
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Burned Out

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Well, there it is. I have hit my first serious road block. I am just, tired. Tired of working too much, tired of not having enough personal time, tired from literal sleep deprivation, tired of counting and logging and tracking etc. I have pulled back from SP because I don't have anything left to give to anyone else. I don't feel it is right to continually ask for support that I can not reciprocate at this time. Close to 3 weeks this has been going on and I tried to push through and keep with it and in some respects I have and some I have not. I have made some poor food choices but at the same time the voice in my head has continued to say "that eating this or that is so not worth it". For example last night I got home after a 14 hour day and was starving. I debated Burger King for all of 3 seconds and but I just couldn't bring myself to eat it. The thought literally made me gag actually. I am proud of that. I am proud that even at a very low point I refuse to compromise and eat chemically processed garbage.
I have completely stopped running. That should make my 5 K in 3 weeks interesting. I have still been strength training and doing the elliptical. My mind and body are just a mess and I need to get out of this rut. I am not looking for advice, please don't tell me how I have to do this or that and I need to quit my job etc. I know what I need to do, sometimes the brain just needs time to catch up and process this kind of frustration. I haven't gained weight back and I am working on maintenance which makes me happy. I decided last night that what I am seeking is balance. I like to work and that is a good thing. I got my first huge reference book for my business this week and started reading it this morning and I am excited. The chef's at work are already starting to try and discourage me but I am not listening. All my life people have tried to shut me down and I have had enough of it. No more negativity people, sheesh. Yes, they can offer me good insights and I am listening to their experience but I am going to do this. There is a need for the return of good wholesome food. All of us on here are tired of the factory produced garbage they sell at chain stores. There are people like us willing to buy it! I am sure of it.
So here I sit this morning on a cliff. Do I jump or do I be scared and retreat back into the land of obesity. You should all be proud of me because I jumped. I logged my breakfast and made healthy choices and today is a new day. Nobody puts baby in a corner.
EDIT: I am not saying I am quitting. I don't know why people read a single blog from someone and make assumptions. This is about one moment in a lifetime of good health and fitness. All I am asking is before you lecture someone about clean eating or how they live make sure you actually know something about the person and how the live day to day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SIMPLE_TAILOR
    Do what you need to. We are here when you need us.
    3197 days ago
  • SALSACHIC
    Love this post and the Dirty Dancing reference! I recently put in notice at my job and I relate to your recent posts.
    3203 days ago
  • NUTS4NUTELLA
    I am very glad you made the decision to jump. The Dirty Dancing reference made me laugh really hard!
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    3203 days ago
  • NANHBH
    Ashley,

    "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." LOVE IT! Just keep putting one baby-step in front of the other. Hold that vision of your own business in front of you always. You are right, Ashley, there are a LOT of people out there who will buy your healthy food.
    emoticon emoticon
    3205 days ago
  • MARINO124
    All I see in this blog is determination. You ARE pushing through and getting stronger in the process because you are looking on the bright side. I personally understand what you mean about peoples advice. We try to be nice, but we sometimes lecture. All I want to do is encourage you. Look at where you came from! It's a fabulous thing where you are standing! And taking the plunge! WOOHOO! No one created anything new without hearing they were crazy to even think it was possible. Heck, they even put a man in jail for saying the earth was round!
    3205 days ago
  • HOPE2011
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    3206 days ago
  • OBLACK1994
    I think you are right about people and the way they judge others without knowing anything about them. As for me, I ignore them! At the end of the day, U are all that matters. It's your body, your thoughts, your hopes and dreams and it's your life! So take some deep breaths and take it one day at a time! Sometimes we just have to drop everything and inhale!! Dust yourself off and try all over again! U got it! emoticon emoticon
    3206 days ago
  • THISYEARSMODEL
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    3206 days ago
  • ZANNACHAN
    All the best to you.

    I don't know if this is an issue for you, but don't feel guilty about needing to find balance..or about not having anything to give back right now. No one is keeping a score sheet; you need to do what's important to you. It sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders about this; you're just run down and tired, which is reasonable (I mean, 14 hour days? No wonder you're exhausted!) I hope you get some rest soon.

    If you think about it, none of us really know each other's lives that well, just what they are willing to post in a public blog. I'm sure people just want to offer what encouragement and support they can.
    3207 days ago
  • ANGIEN9
    I love your blogs and hope you will just continue to resists those burgers!! As will I! Angie
    3207 days ago
  • SLIMTHICK2
    All the best to you. emoticon
    3207 days ago
  • HEALTHYONE2008
    Great going Ashley! Just keep hanging in there, and don't give up on your dreams. You are sooooo worth it. emoticon
    3207 days ago
  • POLSKARENIA
    You sound a bit like me. Sometimes i feel that once I have made some progress I just need to stop what I'm doing and consolidate before moving on... and that thing about knowing what you want to do work/business-wise - wow, are we alike!
    Keep on being you - It's the best thing!!
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    3207 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/14/2011 4:59:21 PM
  • GIANTMICROBE
    Nothing bothers me more than when people try to shut down my dreams. WHY do they have to be so negative?! Just because their lives suck and they're too cowardly and negative to do anything about it, they want everyone else's lives to be miserable too?
    3207 days ago
  • MELLYBEANS0919
    I hope you are able to get to where you feel refreshed again. Taking a break is perfectly fine, sometimes we all need to do that. Keep doing what you are doing, be proud, we are proud of you and are here to support you.
    3207 days ago
  • COLD_GOLD
    oh sweetie! only 3 weeks and you resisted the burger! this is just a slow period... and it is TOTALLY normal!!! Don't beat yourself up about it. I know, I know... we are all supposed to track our food and exercise every day, but really, it's a process and a few weeks out of the year won't hurt. You are still exercising, and a little rest will help you recover better. Keep on rockin it! you are doing great... just come back in a few weeks to what you were doing before! emoticon
    3207 days ago
  • ECONLADY
    I think you are doing an admirable job of handling everything. Please follow your heart!
    3207 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    I love the "Dirty Dancing" reference!
    Good for you for blogging your thoughts, I think it will be quite helpful in getting past this roadblock!
    Thank you for sharing and go Ashley!
    3207 days ago
  • JENERIN01
    Good for you. I so wish I had the guts to quit my job and pursue something that would really fill me with joy. I let the fear keep me immobile. Keep moving forward and don't regret what is behind you. By taking the "leap" you won't let yourself fail. I believe you can do it, and I think somewhere you do too. emoticon
    3207 days ago
  • LIVIN2LOVE1
    I always look forward to your blogs. You stay strong regardless of what's going on. You are such a busy person and I appreciate that because I am too.

    Jump, girl, jump! There will always, ALWAYS be nay sayers.
    3207 days ago
  • CHRISTINA791
    I just want to say thank you for blogging this. I know a lot of people go through rough times, and I think it's even harder when you're one of the more popular posters (as you said, people read into things).

    I'm sorry things are rough right now, and glad to hear that you're hanging in there. Best of luck with wherever life ends up taking you.
    3207 days ago
  • TISHA80
    emoticon Don't feel bad about needing support, now. That is what we are here for. You have supported so many of us, when we needed it. Now, it is time for us to support you.

    Good job not listening to the negative people. There will always be people like that and we would never do anything if we always listened to them. Sometimes we just have to take chances. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?


    3207 days ago
  • OJIBWEEQUAY
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    3207 days ago
  • SUZYGREENBERG94
    Sounds like a case of the Mondays... on a Thursday.... for the last 3 weeks. I sooo get it. Sounds like you're in the valley of doubt, and to be honest, I KNEW you'd jump. I think if the THOUGHT of BK makes you gag, you got this lifestyle change nailed. Peaks and valleys, girl.....peaks and valleys. You have a ton of support over here, we can all relate and we'll lift you up when you need it!
    3207 days ago
  • ALOFA0509

    Hugs 2U my sista!!! U got this emoticon
    3207 days ago
  • KAMAPERRY
    Hugs, and please don't pull back from us, you have given us alot, and let us give back to you. emoticon
    3208 days ago
  • CSERF09
    I smiled at the Dirty Dancing reference. One of my favorite movies.

    I can see your need for a break. Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life. I wish you luck with your business! emoticon
    3208 days ago
  • KELCEE75
    'Do I jump or do I be scared and retreat back into the land of obesity'

    Wow...this is a question I needed to hear today. It's making me epiphanize (is that even a word?...it should be) over here! lol Thanks for this!
    3208 days ago
  • LESLIES537
    Love that you're not listening to those people who are less than encouraging about your business. You are doing this and I'm proud of you! NOBODY puts baby in a corner!!! HELLZ YEAH, girl!! Do this thang!! emoticon
    3208 days ago
  • NOTABOUTHEFACE
    Why are you quitting? Here's what you need to do...

    ROFLMAO!! Sorry, I couldn't resist. emoticon

    Hope everything evens out for you soon!
    3208 days ago
  • MELYMEL22
    emoticon this was the closest thing i could find to someone jumping! Much love to you ashley and good for you for keeping up the fight... in all areas of your life. emoticon
    3208 days ago
  • RIGBY31
    Maintenance is A-OK! Take a breath, redirect. Gosh almighty, girl, this is your life! {{HUGS}}
    3208 days ago
  • DEB181
    I like you.. and I like the way you think..



    3208 days ago
  • IMOM4GIRLS
    Hang in there Ashley! So proud of you for seeing this as it is. Not the end, not failure, not quitting. Jut a day in a Lifestyle!! Good for you!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3208 days ago
  • CRAZYDOGLADYBO
    I am so proud of you and the choices you have made!
    3208 days ago
  • MANDA_MICHELLE
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    sorry you're going through a difficult time. take the time for you, only you can live your life. remember that after the storm, there is always sunny skies.
    3208 days ago
  • SLFRISBEY
    (((hugs))) I am right there with you! And the quote "Nobody puts baby in a corner" made me smile for one of the first times today! :) Thanks for that!
    3208 days ago
  • GINA180847
    Dear, dear, dear Ashley, take care of yourself and I pray the fear you are feeling passes soon and the warrior you are finds you doing all you need to do. Of course this is hard but you should be so proud of yourself for all you are doing in spite of how difficult it is.
    3208 days ago
  • HOTSTENO
    "I don't feel it is right to continually ask for support that I can not reciprocate at this time."

    I just wanted to say it's okay by me! I bet I speak for most of us here when I say I'm not reading your blog just so you'll send me a Spark goodie or whatever. You're helping me just by letting me support you!

    We have all been where you are. I hope you can get things back in balance soon, but I know it's hard sometimes. Just getting enough sleep makes a big difference to my positive attitude. I hope you can turn those negative feelings into positives soon, because you are special and deserve good treatment. Be good to yourself!

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    3208 days ago
  • EMSJOURNEY
    i can't wait to visit your restaurant! get that goin'! =)
    3208 days ago
  • SHORTY470374
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    3208 days ago
  • IBSHAUN
    Sending a virtual hug to you while you work this all out. No advice from me - just support! Glad you jumped though.
    3208 days ago
  • KATHLOW
    I'm here for you whenever! Let me just say how proud I am of you, you seem to be handling a tiring and scary situation really well. Good for you for choosing to keep eating healthily overall, everybody makes some poor choices here and there, after all. Go ashley!

    Hugs,
    kath
    3208 days ago
  • AEBROWNSON
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    3208 days ago
  • MADEMCHE
    I am so freaking proud of you. And you have every right to pull back and try to find some balance. You are doing amazing, especially with everything you have going on. Thanks for the update love, you will get there. You are in new and different territory and that is scary, but also really exciting. I know you are going to do great. The fact that you are still eating healthy and exercising is amazing. SP will wait. Love you Ash! Hugs!
    3208 days ago
  • HAPPY_AS_IS
    One step at a time! But really good job on not grabbing the BK! After that long day it would have been so easy to do!!!!

    Good luck w/ all that you are doing!
    3208 days ago
  • CHICKENCHASER78
    emoticon I'm glad you jumped and made good choices. I hope things get easier for you soon. emoticon
    3208 days ago
  • GODZYFAN
    I totally understand and have gone through periods of backing off myself. Know that we are here for you and support you all the way! emoticon emoticon
    3208 days ago
  • SCHENPOSSIBLE
    Friends are here to support you regardless if you can give it back or not. We are all rooting for you and please remember that. Hang in there.
    3208 days ago
  • KLPEFFERS
    Good luck with your business adventure!!! I only read this blog because it popped up on my "friend feed" that one of my friends commented on it, so I can't really comment on the rest of your blog other than to say that, I too get that feeling like, UGH you just need a break... to not be 100% on for a few days. But I wanted to wish you luck and perseverance! :)
    3208 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.