Thursday, April 14, 2011
Well, there it is. I have hit my first serious road block. I am just, tired. Tired of working too much, tired of not having enough personal time, tired from literal sleep deprivation, tired of counting and logging and tracking etc. I have pulled back from SP because I don't have anything left to give to anyone else. I don't feel it is right to continually ask for support that I can not reciprocate at this time. Close to 3 weeks this has been going on and I tried to push through and keep with it and in some respects I have and some I have not. I have made some poor food choices but at the same time the voice in my head has continued to say "that eating this or that is so not worth it". For example last night I got home after a 14 hour day and was starving. I debated Burger King for all of 3 seconds and but I just couldn't bring myself to eat it. The thought literally made me gag actually. I am proud of that. I am proud that even at a very low point I refuse to compromise and eat chemically processed garbage.
I have completely stopped running. That should make my 5 K in 3 weeks interesting. I have still been strength training and doing the elliptical. My mind and body are just a mess and I need to get out of this rut. I am not looking for advice, please don't tell me how I have to do this or that and I need to quit my job etc. I know what I need to do, sometimes the brain just needs time to catch up and process this kind of frustration. I haven't gained weight back and I am working on maintenance which makes me happy. I decided last night that what I am seeking is balance. I like to work and that is a good thing. I got my first huge reference book for my business this week and started reading it this morning and I am excited. The chef's at work are already starting to try and discourage me but I am not listening. All my life people have tried to shut me down and I have had enough of it. No more negativity people, sheesh. Yes, they can offer me good insights and I am listening to their experience but I am going to do this. There is a need for the return of good wholesome food. All of us on here are tired of the factory produced garbage they sell at chain stores. There are people like us willing to buy it! I am sure of it.
So here I sit this morning on a cliff. Do I jump or do I be scared and retreat back into the land of obesity. You should all be proud of me because I jumped. I logged my breakfast and made healthy choices and today is a new day. Nobody puts baby in a corner.
EDIT: I am not saying I am quitting. I don't know why people read a single blog from someone and make assumptions. This is about one moment in a lifetime of good health and fitness. All I am asking is before you lecture someone about clean eating or how they live make sure you actually know something about the person and how the live day to day.