Admitting it...the first step!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
(WARNING: This blog will have a LIMITED AUDIENCE PROBABLY...but I wish 1000s of people would read it...because I have questions I would like answered!)
Despite the occasional bump in the road...I LOVE this journey!
I have met runners...who now make their lives all about running!
I have met chemist...who measure, formulate, and document EVERY SECOND of the day!
I have met moms...happy to just lose a few pounds and hopefully work to keep it off!
I have met younger seniors...that continue to inspire me with their work ethic!
I have met coaches...that love Spark SO MUCH...it is now their life work!
I LOVE THEM ALL! I have supported ALL OF THEM...to a fault! I have listened...learned...grown!
But often...I am left feeling like I am alone! I have taken time to learn about them...but they RARELY return the favor! Now...that is NOT why I support...AT ALL...I support...because I am a good Christian guy from the midwest and my mom taught me right...but COME ON ALREADY!
I am curious if I am the ONLY PERSON ON SPARK WITH THIS ISSUE! Are there other articles out there? Are there others that are scared...LIKE ME!
I STRUGGLE WITH FOOD! There...I said it! In my 20s...I had an eating disorder to stay thin. As I grew older...I kept that disorder...I just went the other way! You can call it ADDICTION TO FOOD (as one friend quoted yesterday)...you can call it LACK OF WILL POWER (but trust me...the effort I put in daily to fight these feelings is greater than ANY EFFORT a marathoner puts out)...or you can call it AN EATING DISORDER...I struggle with food! PERIOD!!!
Eating the right things...controlling portions when there is lots of it around...knowing what is too much...too little...right...wrong...I STRUGGLE...DAILY!
I REFUSE TO DIET...they got me here! I REFUSE TO STARVE...I have done that...for TOO LONG! I understand and do the exercise portion of this journey...it is the FOOD that I STRUGGLE with! I am the child of an alcoholic! Is this what he struggled with daily? At least you can put alcohol away...avoid it...but YOU NEED FOOD TO LIVE!
I wish others on SPARK would just admit it...I can't be the only person struggling with this! I can't be the only person alone in the world. I was made to realize...through a tough and shocking intervention...that I don't TRY HARD ENOUGH! How would THEY KNOW? How would they know of my DAILY STRUGGLES?
I am resigned to the fact...that I need to PUBLICLY ADMIT (though if you read past blogs...I thought I had for MONTHS) that I have a problem.
Hear me...and if you have answers...PLEASE share them...this is a HUMAN BEING we are talking about here...not just some "inspirational" blog!
Hi! My name is Todd James...and I have an Eating Disorder!