Sorry to all of you.

Friday, April 08, 2011

I have been released from hospital after trying to take my life last Saturday with Alcohol and an overdose of Valium, sleeping tablets and Warfarin.
I have been sent so many concerned messages of worry especially from Patty, Caroline and Debra. Bless your hearts!
I have tried to make sense of all of this and never meant to use this great site to cause so much trouble! (I even got a message from Chris "Sparkguy!"). I have been seen and councilled by the "Crisis" team and have further appointments with them over the coming months. I have set a plan and it seems mostly to be working although, I have still been having "dark" moments and hope that they don't get a foothold on my thought train.
I still have all the problems and more but, I have been given advice from the "Crisis" team and hope from yourselves to at least try and win this fight.
I am so sorry for causing so much worry and anxiety.
I just couldn't help it.
I am at the moment at least grateful to be home and with the sun shining so much, feel somewhat lifted!
So, sorry to you all.
I can't guarantee it will be the last you hear about all of this, but at least for now, I feel somewhat more stable, so THANK YOU ALL!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi Chris,
    I'm so thankful to see this blog here! I hope the Crisis team is able to help you and we are always here.

    Kat X
    2897 days ago
    I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time at the moment. I've suffered from depressions for many, many years, but on the whole, it is controlled by the medication I take. I used to drink alcohol- far too much at times- as another way to try to cope with my mood swings, but eventually that just stopped the medication working and Iwas just left with the rawless of full-on depression. Horrible!!!! My head was very mad then.
    I celebrated 3 years without a drink today! Yeah! I'm part of a self-support group that has really, really helped me, and is still helping me to live life, one day at a time.
    I still have ups and downs, but they're not so extreme, and I have people who understand me to hold my hand all the way through the hard times.
    Perhaps a group of this sort might help you?
    Good luck with it all.
    2901 days ago
    Thank God you are still with us Chris! I have been so worried! Its good to have you back! Keep blogging!
    emoticon Love from Ellen xx
    2901 days ago
    Chris I am so so glad to see this post. As others have said, we knew something was wrong when you posted your blog on the 2nd but I for one felt helpless to do anything. (I wish I could have come round and given you a hug then, that's what I wanted to do!) I've got family and grandchildren staying at the moment which seems to take up all my time but I've checked back on here daily hoping to see a post from you. As Eileen says, our tails are wagging furiously to hear from you. I'm glad you're getting the help you need now, please, please keep blogging and keeping us up to date with how you're feeling. Love to you, Clare and the boys emoticon emoticon

    p.s don't apologise for worrying us (although you did!!!) that's what friends are for.
    2901 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/10/2011 8:09:08 AM
    I am really glad you are okay and that you are getting the help you need. You are an inspiration to so many people on spark. You can lean on us, we are all here for you.
    2902 days ago
  • LINEY223
    I can only echo what everyone else has said already. Glad you have a treatment plan and are accepting help from those who can really help you turn round this crisis in your life.

    I don't think you should say sorry for us worrying - that was our reaction and our choice. We'd be a bunch of G!ts if we weren't concerned and wanted to express our worry /care for you.

    Glad you are on a path which will eventually lead you back up.

    2902 days ago
  • BRANDI1809
    Good news Chris. My best wishes to you & Clare.
    2902 days ago
  • EILEEN828
    Yea!, Hooray!, I'm turning cartwheels. If I was a dog, my tail would be wagging furiously and I'd be licking your face. I and everyone else here are so happy you made it. I hope the crisis team have given you good advice. I hope you have reviewed your meds with them. I hope you have lots more sunshine over there too, because it really helps to elevate your mood. Take each day as the gift it is, and enjoy, savour, experience, and live! Give Clare and your dogs lots of hugs and kisses. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2903 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/9/2011 12:43:52 AM
    Chris, I am so happy you are OK and posted this blog! I think we were all worried as we could tell something was wrong from your last post on April 2. I have dealt with depression with some family members who got counseling, and one of the things is to have like 3 people you will definitely call if you are having those kinds of feelings, and make sure you are not alone, I know that sometimes you are such an upbeat person, and I understand that, as I have a family member who can go from high to low moods and can seem like the happiest person in the world when in a high mood but the low moods can be very dark.
    Anyway, I am glad you are getting some good help with the Crisis team, and know that you can talk with all of us. I think Spark needs to have live chat, as their next addition to the site and then we could be there for each other for even greater support! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2903 days ago
    So glad to see this blog...
    2903 days ago
    emoticon back, as you say we have all been so worried about you. The down side of using an online site, no one can physically reach you when you need it most. Keep blogging, it will keep you occupied and stick with those appts!
    2903 days ago
    So glad to see this post.

    I have been praying for you.

    Sometimes, when it seems like one day at a time is too much, we can take one moment at a time.

    Will continue to pray.
    2903 days ago
    chris, i am so happy to see this blog you are still here. i knew you had made another attempt and have been so worried..... i guess you're tired of all the sparkmails i sent trying to find out if you were ok!!
    please keep working with everyone to get better.... you are stronger than you think and you can do this!! contact someone any time you get the thought to take your life... there are many people who are there for you.
    read all the articles on depression on sparks and there are a lot of sparkteams dealing with depression you can check out and find people who are or have been experiencing what you have. don't give up on yourself..... you are worth living !!!!
    emoticon emoticon
    2903 days ago
    thinking of you emoticon
    2903 days ago
    So glad to hear from you, keep your chin up x
    2903 days ago
  • ANNC16
    No need at all to apologise Chris.

    We're all just glad that you seem to be through the absolute worst of it. Keepon iwth the crisis team and you'll get there I'm sure.

    Mick send his best as well. We're all here for you. Never forget that.
    2903 days ago
  • ERIN4771
    thinking about you chris....sending hugs, and happy thoughts your way!
    2903 days ago
  • JESS0107
    I will be praying for you!
    2903 days ago
    I have been through those dark moments in the past. If you need someone to talk to, please message me. Many things you can do alone, dealing with those kinds of feelings is NOT one of them, I know. :) Carrie
    2903 days ago
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