151.5 ::does a little booty shake::
So I am net surfing because I do that and I come across this:
I actually heard this story on the radio this morning on the Steve Harvey morning show. Seriously people, is this really news? Maybe to all those naturally thin people out there but come on America, we know we are fat. We have a huge problem (pun sort of intended). Anyway I thought I'd share this not-that-amazing report.
So amazingly enough, whatever I am doing is working because I am now down to 151.5 lbs. After 6 weeks I am down 5.5 lbs and I'm not totally sure how. I mean, I KNOW how, but my brain isn't wrapping around it because I still feel like I am eating and drinking everything. Hell, I shared a coke (a "real" one!) with D this past weekend. I drank like 3 or 4 glasses of wine last night. I've eaten cookies! I've nibbled on cheese! We ordered Dominos at some point, and I'm pretty sure I blogged about it!
Are you following me?
Ok, so I admit that I am totally jealous of my sister and B-i-L who seem to be dropping pounds with absolute ease (f-u nutrisystem plan). I swear B-i-L has lost 15 lbs since he started their plan, right around when I started mine. The guy looks lean already. No more belly, clearly lookin and feelin GOOD.
But you know who gets to eat cookies? Not B-i-L, that's for sure.
On Monday I had jeerleading practice and I was glad to get some work in (that counts, right CZARINA_TV?). Honest? I felt like the fattest person there. I know that's probably just my perception, and the truth is everyone has their struggles and I can only see and experience MINE. But there we are dancing and I am really having this internal dialogue between self-loathing Me and best Me. You all probably know what self-loathing Me sounds like, so I won't bore you with those details. Best Me is telling me to shut up already. Hey, we lost 4 lbs in 5 weeks. No one here is judging you. Learn the moves, keep it moving. We can do this. No, we're not where we want to be, and we aren't even where we were this time last year. Do you remember being 169 lbs? Do you? Because you weigh -16 since then. And those 16 lbs didn't come off by themselves. No, you worked those b*tches off one at a time. And we will work these next pounds off one at a time. So shut up already.
I was close to 160 when I re-committed to SP, having regained about 20 of the 30 lbs I initially lost. It is true that I hemmed and hawed about actually putting in the work for a few months. But here I am doing my Xtreme-slow-and-steady plan and it is working. Slow is ok. Slow means I can still go out to dinner or eat french fries (America's favorite vegetable btw). Slow means I will still get frustrated when "I'm not skinny yet" and then relieved when I step on the scale and it millimetered on down a bit.
I haven't really been blogging as much as I wanted. I used to fancy myself a writer so it's a little weird that I'm just NOT doing it. I think- to get real personal here- I have a hard time expressing my feelings and by writing I would actually have to expose myself. That's some scary stuff right there. I'm doing what I can to get past that. I'm carrying my notebook around with me again so that I can write when I can. I wrote 3 pages on Monday on my train ride to and from practice. That felt really good. And it's something I WANT. I miss my writer self. She's stimulating and insightful. I want her back.
Slow, but progressing. Look how it has incorporated into my life.