Looking back and looking forward...
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
I am not sure where exactly this journey will take me. I still as I write this have a goal to lose about 100 pounds. But, as I talked to my walking partner this morning I realized that I have lost 100 pounds already. No, I cannot do it the same as the first 100 pounds because part of those pounds lost were caused by near death illness. I don't want to go back to that. Cannot actually because it resulted in the removal of my gall bladder. As I was talking to my exercise partner this morning I realized how far I have come.
The trail has not always been easy. I lost 80 pounds in the hospital, regained 40 over a few years. I then lost 60. Regained 40 again. I have 11 to go to get to that lowest weight. I will do it and then push through it to get to goal. I have a rough idea of what my goal is. But, I am taking it a few pounds at a time.
On Saturday, I talked with a friend who is doing Medifast. It sounds great not to have to think about all the foods I am going to eat. I was a bit jealous of my friends weight loss. She lost more than me. I don't have the money for that program. Then instead of comparing I started thinking of my accomplishments.
Yes, I have had pity parties which ended in me eating. Yes, I have eaten treats. Yes I have probably binged a bit here and there. But, it is getting less and less. I am learning to eat mindfully. I am learning to choose healthy foods. I am learning what foods I like that are healthy. I am learning how to eat in public and avoid the yummy looking chocolate cake and realizing that really most people don't care that I am not eating it.
My setbacks have taught me things. I am trying to learn from each and every one. I am also learning from my challenges. I am learning what if feels like to stop sugar and what the consequences are when I eat it.
As I squint to see the path in front of me. I step tentatively like a toddler learning to walk. A bit of faith, a bit of trust that it will be OK, a big bit of uncertainty. I am very unsure of what it will be like to be skinny momma. That brings a bit of fears. But, I am facing those fears and stepping on.
Thanks to all those who have come before to show me that it can be done. Thanks to all those who are walking the path of uncertainty with me. I appreciate the hand holding from time to time.
I looked at my states. Since I joined my first White Tiger Biggest Loser Challenge team I have lost 23.6 pounds. I lost 10 pounds last year. I have already lost 13 pounds this year. I will lose more. Even if I keep the pace I have set so far I will be able to lose 92 pounds this year. That is an amazing number to put my head around. I will do it healthy and learning all the way.