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Looking back and looking forward...

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

I am not sure where exactly this journey will take me. I still as I write this have a goal to lose about 100 pounds. But, as I talked to my walking partner this morning I realized that I have lost 100 pounds already. No, I cannot do it the same as the first 100 pounds because part of those pounds lost were caused by near death illness. I don't want to go back to that. Cannot actually because it resulted in the removal of my gall bladder. As I was talking to my exercise partner this morning I realized how far I have come.

The trail has not always been easy. I lost 80 pounds in the hospital, regained 40 over a few years. I then lost 60. Regained 40 again. I have 11 to go to get to that lowest weight. I will do it and then push through it to get to goal. I have a rough idea of what my goal is. But, I am taking it a few pounds at a time.

On Saturday, I talked with a friend who is doing Medifast. It sounds great not to have to think about all the foods I am going to eat. I was a bit jealous of my friends weight loss. She lost more than me. I don't have the money for that program. Then instead of comparing I started thinking of my accomplishments.

Yes, I have had pity parties which ended in me eating. Yes, I have eaten treats. Yes I have probably binged a bit here and there. But, it is getting less and less. I am learning to eat mindfully. I am learning to choose healthy foods. I am learning what foods I like that are healthy. I am learning how to eat in public and avoid the yummy looking chocolate cake and realizing that really most people don't care that I am not eating it.

My setbacks have taught me things. I am trying to learn from each and every one. I am also learning from my challenges. I am learning what if feels like to stop sugar and what the consequences are when I eat it.

As I squint to see the path in front of me. I step tentatively like a toddler learning to walk. A bit of faith, a bit of trust that it will be OK, a big bit of uncertainty. I am very unsure of what it will be like to be skinny momma. That brings a bit of fears. But, I am facing those fears and stepping on.

Thanks to all those who have come before to show me that it can be done. Thanks to all those who are walking the path of uncertainty with me. I appreciate the hand holding from time to time.

I looked at my states. Since I joined my first White Tiger Biggest Loser Challenge team I have lost 23.6 pounds. I lost 10 pounds last year. I have already lost 13 pounds this year. I will lose more. Even if I keep the pace I have set so far I will be able to lose 92 pounds this year. That is an amazing number to put my head around. I will do it healthy and learning all the way.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PROT358
    This is a wonderful post, so inspiring. Thank you for sharing. And congratulations on your continued weight loss success!
    3493 days ago
  • OVERHAULING-ME
    LOVE This post! I too am thankful for those who have gone before me, who have reached their goal or almost. I love knowing it IS possible! I also am thankful for everyone else on this same journey, for all they learn and the insight they share with others here on SP. I have learned LOTS from you! Thanks for your honesty with your struggles and successes!
    You're heading the right direction...two steps forward, one step back will get you to your destination! I'm right there with you!
    3493 days ago
  • NANCY-
    There are many paths available to us. Like you even though I have lost 30, I still have 100 to lose.
    You are among the brave and patient. Learning a new lifestyle, sustainable changes. It is not a quick or easy path but a rewarding one that leads us to new opportunities.
    I admire you,
    One of the most difficult things for me is to be patient. I have only lost about 20 in the past year. For me it is coming off sort of like how it come on, slowly. Ah, but the lessons learned, skills gained will sustain me for the rest of my life. As it will sustain you.
    Keep Sparking.

    emoticon
    3494 days ago
  • NOTGIVINGUP49
    emoticon on the skills that you have learned to MAINTAIN a healthy lifestyle! You ARE doing it!
    3494 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4363972
    You are doing it! You are learning and doing better each time. Good for you!
    3494 days ago
  • SIMPLE_IS_BEST
    My parents both went on the Medifast diet years ago, lost TONS of weight pretty quickly, and as soon as they quit the Medifast diet, they gained it all back, PLUS extra! So although your friend is enviable at the moment, I wouldn't envy what she will have to go through when she reaches her goal and quits that diet. Slow and steady with SparkPeople is definitely the best way to lose weight, and keep it off. You are doing great!
    3494 days ago
  • TUNIE-
    I agree completely with the other statements. Those medi-fast-type diets are not really sustainable, and unless you change the eating and exercise habits in your life, the weight will come back on. Just keep doing what you're doing -- you're on the right path to health!
    3494 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5959732
    Very important words to remember...you are learning and learning slowly. That is going to be your ticket to success! We have to learn how to live a healthy, lasting lifestyle and you are well on your way to doing that. Will it be fast... no, but it will be lasting once you really put those new habits in place for good. emoticon
    3494 days ago
  • EAP1115
    CONGRATS AND GOOD LUCK IN EVERYTHING ELSE TO BE ACCOMPLISHED
    3494 days ago
  • DARKTHOR
    Your friend isn't going to be on Medifast forever. When she isn't, what hard-learned lessons on eating sensibly will she have to help her on her journey? Your struggles along the way can be one of your greatest assets, if you learn from them and take strength from having overcome them.

    You are doing wonderfully, a step at a time. Keep moving forward, learning and growing stronger.
    3494 days ago
  • WORKINGSTIFF
    Every experience is a learning opportunity.

    Congratulations on your weight loss thus far and I hope that during this journey called life you will reach your goal and continue learning about yourself every day!

    3494 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1035627
    Sounds amazing. Great blog - one day and one step at a time. Don't worry too much about your friend on the Medi-fast. When all is said and done, you are doing this while learning about food and the proper way to stay healthy. Your friend will come out of this without that knowledge. You will be a step ahead of the game.
    3494 days ago
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