DUTCH1811
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Overcoming PMS and Emotions

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Today I am feeling very blue and lonely. I think PMS is getting to me. I am missing my boyfriend so much tonight. I have not seen him in 10 months and have not heard from him in 5 months. He was a police officer for 24 yrs. Took an early retirement to go back to school. The recession hit and he lost most of his money in the market forcing him to go back to work. But because of his retirement he had to be very careful of what jobs he could take. He had a couple security jobs but just was not happy. He had worked in Afghanistan a few yrs ago and wanted to get back into that but was always looked over. So he took a job as a police officer in Broken Bow OK last June. I was supposed to go see him in Oct, but at the last minute he was called for that other job and was shipped off for training and off to Africa in less than 2 weeks. I did not get to see him before he left. His contract is for 10 months which is still another 5 months. I am feeling so lonely without him. He is my rock and my best friend. But I have realized that I was able to control my emotional eating tonight. I had a pulled chicken sandwich on wheat bread with light mayo and soy cheese (which was a lot better than I thought it was going to be) and a salad for dinner. My emotions kept telling me I needed to eat. I did go to the kitchen, I opened the fridge and my emotions kept telling me to find something sweet. I do have regular candy out there, but I told myself NO, I use that only when my sugars dive. I looked in the pantry. My emotions wanted to take the Fried Tostadas and break them up and make a big old mound of Nachos. But I remembered how I felt in my pants today (I had to keep pulling them up) and walked out of the kitchen. That made me feel good that I had the control not only to see it but to walk away from it. I am still feeling lonely and empty inside. But I am feeling it with a 60 calorie cup of decaf coffee and not 900 calories of Nachos. It is a weird feeling for me to be able to separate my emotions. To still feel sad and lonely but to feel good about myself for walking away from the food. Before I would just change all my feelings to feeling good by comforting myself with food.
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