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Do I belong here?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

This is a blog that has long been on my mind and needed to be written. But maybe I shouldn't be writing it at 2 in the morning. On the other hand, I am up at 2 am because of life's stresses!

So you may wonder why I titled this blog, "Do I belong here?" Well, a number of months ago, I read a blog (or I dreamed I read a blog) about a person on Sparkpeople who was very overweight. She was complaining how people much smaller than her complain about how they have to lose weight. She went on to say how irritated she was because they have no clue how difficult it is to have to lose so much more weight.

So when I struggle, do I have a right to express that? No, I don't have a 100# to lose. I used to have 50# but have lost 20-28 pounds. But I am struggling. I eat unhealthy food. I was down to 153.8, 5 weeks ago, now I am up to close to 160. I am not happy with myself. And yet, I eat foods that will hinder my success. All the while I wonder why am I doing this to myself? Should I just be happy with who I am? But being less will make me healthier, fitter, not so tired.

So I will ask the question again, Do I belong here? Do any of you mind I don't have as much to lose as you and yet I complain and struggle? Thank you Sparkfriends for always encouraging me. I will get my head straight yet.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD6427585
    You know... I started out with 140 pounds to lose... I'm down to about 65 left! I've NEVER felt the things that were expressed in that blog you read. I believe that whether a person has 10 pounds to lose or 300 it makes no difference. Sometimes I am frustrated with MYSELF because I let it go so long before I addressed it! If I had taken off the weight when it WAS 10 pounds, then it never would have been 140 pounds!!! So yea... you definitely BELONG here! And ... blessings on your 5% challenge! I'm a Cloverleaf! emoticon
    3262 days ago
  • REJ7777
    You certainly do belong here! emoticon

    Many people are at maintenance, and I think I'll need the support even more when I get there. I love SparkPeople! I learn so much from everyone, whether they have lost enormous amounts of weight, or have just a few pounds to lose, or are at maintenance. Everyone writes about his/her own experience and I'm convinced that's what makes SP such an effective site! I learn from other people's struggles and victories, no matter where they're at in their journey.

    I wish you success in reaching your goals! emoticon
    3262 days ago
    Of course, you do. Thsi site is as much about learning how to live a healthy life as it is about losing weight!
    3277 days ago
    You belong here because you want look and feel healthy and fit and that is what SP is all about. Stay encouraged and keep on doing what you know will help you. We all have bad days but hopefully the good days will overcome the bad. emoticon
    3288 days ago
    Sparkers are a unique group of people who strive for success. Failure comes with success and when you don't succeed... do your best. It's really about, do you want to belong? Of course you do. You have a great support group here, don't forget that. On all the Sparkers behalf, we all wish you the best always. It's how you feel, not what that scale says.

    Roger emoticon
    3290 days ago
    Of course you belong here!! We each come to Sparks with our own goals and every person is as important as the next one. Whether you need to lose 5, 10, 50, 100 or more it is a struggle we all understand and share. I have learned so much from members here and finally it starts to make sense. I love all the support we have and how my struggle is important to someone else.
    You are important to me and the rest of us here so just say "I belong" and be positive cause something wonderful will happen. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3290 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8305001
    You belong here! I have 50 pounds or so to lose myself. That is just one person that made the comment and they may have been having a bad day who knows. Everyone of us are different on here but we all have one common goal and that is to lose weight and be healthier. So focus on what you have accomplished so far and where you are going. You are going to get there we all have our bad days. So keep on Sparking!

    3290 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8301081
    Of course you belong here. We are hear to encourage each other regardless of our weight loss goals and journeys. I hope you are feeling better today. emoticon
    3291 days ago
    You absolutely belong here. It doesn't matter if we have to lose 10 pounds or 100 pounds, if we're struggling and can benefit from the support here then we belong. emoticon
    3292 days ago
    YES! - you do belong! Everyone has their own issues & goals and it's not up to anyone else to judge those goals or issues. Whether you are maintaining, want to lose those last 10 lbs, lose 50 lbs or 150 - we all belong here!

    Tova - you do matter and what you are going through matters and really your Spark friends are there for you. You just have to find your way to where you are eating healthier but allow yourself some indulgences once in awhile.

    3292 days ago
    Yes You do belong here. Why wouldn't you. If you don't nip it in the bud now, you will have a whole lot more weight to lose. You think your frustrated now. Let yourself go and see how much more harder and frustrating it will be. So to answer your question Again Yessssssssssss You Do Belong Here. Be Encouraged sweetie. emoticon
    3292 days ago
    Yes you do belong here!!!

    In my opinion, the less you have to lose the harder it is.
    I only have about 4 lbs to lose and it is a killer trying to get that off. So much harder than the first 18 lbs. I lost.

    Don't give up! Keep on keeping on!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon for you.
    3292 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6896537
    You absolutely belong here! You're 30/40 pounds is just as big of a struggle to you as the 100/200 pounds is to another person. This is about so much more than weight loss. It's about making a life style change and that is forever. Even once you reach your goal weight....if SP is what helps you maintain it, then yes, you have every right to be here and feel frustrated and celebrate your success and tough times.

    Don't EVER think you don't belong!!
    3292 days ago
    Of course you belong here!!! If it's 10 pounds or 300+, we all struggle. We all have issues. We all have problems
    3292 days ago
    I, too, do not have 100 lbs to lose, and yet I want and need the encouragement and support that my teams and sparkfriends can provide as I struggle with my food issues, with consistency, with motivation, and with living a healthy lifestyle.

    We all belong when we are on this journey, no matter the number on the scale or our goal weight.

    3292 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/30/2011 7:48:25 PM
  • NATALIE225
    Yes, you belong! I started with 50 pounds to lose and I've never looked at comments by people who had less to lose and thought they were unworthy. In fact, I've lost weight in the past and gained it back. I love reading posts from other people who've lost weight and MAINTAINED it. I'm learning a lot from other people on this site, and yes, we all have frustrating moments. But we're all here to give and receive support. You don't owe anyone any explanations or apologies for how you do that.
    3292 days ago
    I feel your pain. :) I'm only 5'2" on a good day. I'm already an "ok" weight from losing 25# w/ sparks a couple of years ago. I learned from using this site not to judge those skinny people because not all of them were born that way. I joined the 5'2 and under group so someone wouldn't judge me for wanting to be 120# (which is where dr. said I should be). But to many it is a dream number.

    We have to do it for ourselves, and not feel guilty for what we want to achieve ourselves. Sparks has been a fantastic place for me and I have seriously had no one say anything negitive to me. Find the right group and it makes a difference.
    3293 days ago
    Yes. That's why there are teams. If someone only wants to be around people who have 100+ pounds to lose, they can join a team comprised of others with a similar goal. If they don't like your struggles, they don't have to listen to them :)

    I have had 60 to lose and now I have 10 to lose and it's hard in both places.

    We all belong!
    3293 days ago
  • *ERICA*
    Self esteem is a wonderous thing. And we can go from being down about ourselves to feeling great in a matter of seconds. That being said. I dont think that anyone whether they are overweight or just trying to lose a few pounds should not be able to voice their frustrations. maybe doing that helps them....maybe doing that someone can help them with their situation. When you are trying to lose weight the right way, its hard. Some peopel are lucky and they can think about losing weight and it comes off. For others it takes time. And its frustrating when you are trying so hard and you cant get where you wanna be. I know and understand.
    With your emotional eating maybe try doing soemthing else. I have been trying to brush my teeth after every meal so I dont eat more than I should. i have even gone so far as to wash my kitchen floor so I dont go in there. And I dont carry $1 bills on me so I dont hit the vending machines. You have to find what works for you. You can obviously do it...and there are always set backs in life. Thats just how it is...Hang in there! You deserve to be here! You are making your life healthier! And your body will thank you for it one day!
    3293 days ago
    I'm working on maintaining my weight. I've been awed by the weightloss amounts of some of my SparkFriends. We're all here for different reasons. I try to cheer on and celebrate everyone I encounter on SP. Weight loss is hard, whether its 100+ lbs or its the last 5 lbs. We're here for each other. What's worked best for me is focusing on being healthier and not what the scale reads. That has led me to eat better, exercise more, and have a better attitude. In the process, I weight less, have more energy, and feel and look better!

    We're here for you and yes, you totally belong here!
    3293 days ago
    Sweetie, the only people who DON'T belong here are the occasional anorexics, who are trying to lose more weight when they don't have anything to lose. There are people here who are on maintenance, there are people who want to lose 10 lbs, there are people who want to lose 100s of lbs. We're all in it together. So don't worry.
    3293 days ago
    Coming over from HILARYMD's posting; here's what I wrote there:

    Personally, people who say that they "only" have 10 pounds to lose don't bug me, and never did even when I was starting out saying I needed to lose about 100. I don't even find that it bugs me when people complain about losing weight, or when they complain about working hard and not losing weight - I know I did both. What does bug me is when people complain about not losing weight (whatever the weight they have to lose) when it's pretty freaking obvious why they aren't: they're not really trying.

    But what really bugs me the most are the people who "only" have 10 pounds to lose, complain about it, do a quick fix/crash diet, lose 10 pounds, gain it back almost immediately, and return to step 1.

    As for the question "do you belong?" the answer is yes. The SP community is wide, and can accommodate everyone.
    3293 days ago
    Yes Tova you DO belong here!! I hear you about the up and down weight. I am wondering that when we get so close to our goals that we intentionally set ourselves back....maybe putting off the maintaining??!! I am pretty sure I have been at my goal weight atleast 2 times in the last year..but started eating not so godd food!! It doesnt matter if you have 100 or 5 to lose.....losing weight is a struggle and we REALLY need the support of this site to get to our goals!! Kim
    3293 days ago
    I'm with you, Tova. I feel guilty about where I am and try to be careful about what I say. But in defense of those in the smaller boat, it's anything but easy to drop those last few pounds. So YES!! you belong here. Everyone is battling different things. There are plenty of involved members on the site that using SparkPeople for maintenance mode. Even some on our 5% challenge. SparkPeople can and does work for all of us and you sure the heck have just as much right to use the tools as the next person.

    Stick with it my Daisy sister!!

    (ps - lit a bit of a fuse with this blog, didn't you?)
    3293 days ago
    I'm one of those with more to lose, but I don't begrudge anyone for expressing their frustratins, questions, thoughts, etc., whether they have 100 pounds to lose or 10 pounds to lose. Losing those last 10-20 pounds is often times more difficult than the first 10-20. I hope no one feels slighted in any way for being on SP. I find this such a motivational place to be and you and everyone and who has helped me and motivated me are part of the reason for the success I've had. Hang tough. Keep with us. Good luck.
    3293 days ago
  • B-N-ME
    Tova, this is YOUR journey!!! Only you know what helps you. So the question isn't for us if you belong here, because we love you and are here to support you! You have been a great team mate, faithful to post and encourage others...maybe the questions are Do we give you what you need from us? Are we helping you? Hoe can we better help you? What internally or externally is leading to your emotional eating?
    Tough questions, but without questioning we cannot find the answers.
    You are an asset, you have a need and if this forum helps you YOU BELONG!! Don't let anyone sway you from what works for you on your journey! emoticon
    3293 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3745250
    Should you be here, hell yeah, after all we all are here for the same reason, we have weight to lose. Granted some are a whole lot more (like me) than others, but it's still the same reason. Should you be happy with yourself? I'd say you were already but that doesn't mean you can't want to do something that will make you like yourself even more. Keep plugging away and eventually you'll get where you want to be.
    3293 days ago
  • ACCT1908
    Of course you do!!
    3293 days ago
    Of course you belong here! We all have ups and downs and many times I have just been treading water and relying on the social aspect of SP, whilst gathering strength from those around me. I also lost a lot of weight at the beginning of my time with SP, and now, partly because of major stresses in my life, and partly due to lack of motivation, I have put much of it on again. I keep going because my wonderful Spark friends tell me I can do it - and I will - and so will you! You are part of a wonderful team - I haven't been a member of the team for long myself, but it was good to see you post today, and I look forward to getting to know you and maybe we can help each other to beat this thing! emoticon emoticon
    3293 days ago
    You absolutely belong here. This is a site for healthy living, not just weight loss. Even if you didn't have a pound to lose, you would belong here if you wanted to share goals about nutrition, exercise, and healthy living with other like-minded people.
    3293 days ago
    We all have the right to be here honey. Isn't that the point? Blogging is meant to help us through our troubles and also a place to brag about our successes. Just like everyone who has already mentioned before - - - You, Me and all our friends, neighbors and even the people who know nothing of the SP world have the right to be here.

    I hope your outlook has changed about this and relax, be thankful a site like this exists to begin with (I know I am) and enjoy the camaraderie.
    3293 days ago
    What someone with 10lbs to lose and someone with 100lbs to lose have in common (a partial list):

    1. Must limit calories
    2. Must exercise
    3. Must be self-disciplined and separate action from feelings
    4. Must manage time to support goals
    5. Must confront and overcome motivational problems
    6. Must confront and overcome mental blocks
    7. Must confront and overcome emotional blocks
    8. Must cope with or discover how to eliminate cravings (which may be strongly associated with items 5-7)
    9. Must develop new habits in the context of "real life" (schedule, community, family, workplace etc.), which may not support -- and may in fact compromise -- the development of new habits
    10. Must transform way of thinking about self and life
    11. May have to transform world view as well
    12. Must learn to love a new self and a new way of life
    13. Must sustain all of the above FOR LIFE.

    What distinguishes someone with 10lbs to lose (A) from someone with 100lbs to lose (B), a complete list:

    1. Assuming equal focus and diligence, A will reach goal weight sooner than B.

    Ignore skewed, misguided, divisive comparisons. You belong here.


    3293 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/30/2011 8:32:22 AM
    tova of course you belong here... some of us have to lose more than others, we struggle just like the next. you have every right to complain just like any of us here. And i know people who hit goal weight and stay here to encourage others on their path..

    you are not allowed to go anywhere!! hugs..
    3293 days ago
    Tova, of course you belong here! We all have our up & down days and that is only normal! Move forward, review your goals and come on by and visit. We never stop learning! Sorry you've had a few rough weeks. I bet things will be better soon. Hugs!!
    3293 days ago
    Oh, good heavens yes, you belong! One thing I have personally discovered over the decades of losing and re-gaining and losing again is that we're all brothers and sisters under the skin. It may be just as hard for the woman who has 5 pounds to lose as the one who has 50!

    Think about triage at the hospital: OK, maybe the gunshot wound needs attention before the broken arm, but every patient needs help.

    Anybody who needs a boost of motivation, anybody who needs to look at their goals and refresh their drive... anybody who needs to be encouraged that others are doing this and so can they... BELONGS at SparkPeople.com! This is a great resource.

    Whoever wrote that blog was in a place where they were that day... and probably has no clue how it affected you. Do not sell your own needs short. You can do this, and you're worth doing it for.

    3293 days ago
    Hi, Friend! It must be something in the air, because the past few weeks I've struggled, too. I've noticed when I am really stressed or overwhelmed I am more apt to "mess up". You have a lot going on in your life right now and sometimes it's just easier to revert back to the old ways to try and get through.

    I'm glad you are here because you've been such an encouragement to me. There's going to be bumps in the road on our journey and we need each other to extend a hand when we lose our balance. Let's brush ourselves off and set our faces forward. Together we can do this.
    3293 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8207514
    What everyone else said. It's really more of how YOU feel, than what you think you're supposed to weigh.
    5, 10, 100 pounds, it only matters if you like the way you look & feel.
    3293 days ago
  • DEE797
    You belong here just as much as anyone else does whether you want to lose 10 lbs or 210 lbs. Each of us has our own struggles with food and weight and SparkPeople is here for each and every one of us. Don't let one person's attitude affect what you are doing to become healthier and fit. Wishing you continued success on your journey! emoticon
    3293 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1610124
    YES you belong and are welcomed, good days and bad days, lows and highs. I'm glad I didn't read that blog your read. We are all suppose to be encouraging each other. I guess they were having a low day and blaming it on skinny people!!
    3293 days ago
  • EAP1115
    3293 days ago
    Of course you do . . . and have every right to complain about your struggles as those who need to lose more. If someone wants to surround themselves with other 'like' people, they can join a team with people who need to lose the same amount of weight they need to. I too was feeling better when I was 15 pounds lighter but have let the stress of recent events get me off track. You belong here just as much as they do.
    3293 days ago
    Yes you belong here. You are still dealing with the same issues as we all are. The other person just feels overwhelmed and is looking at the big picture. You already have lost a great deal of weight and that is something to be proud of. I have yet to loose that kind of weight after all my work and exercise which is sometimes frustrating yet I know I have made healthy life choices in choosing to exercise most days and I am making healthier choices when eating and drinking. Don't let someone else make you feel guilty or bad. We are all here on this journey together regardless of where we are. Have a wonderful day! emoticon
    3293 days ago
    I've been all sizes--from very small to very large--but food and weight have always caused me lots of stress no matter what my scale said. If you want to embrace a healthier lifestyle and relationship with food and exercise, you belong here.
    3293 days ago
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