Time to retrain myself
Monday, February 05, 2007
I was reading somewhere, probably here, that says that even if you find yourself losing weight, it is rarely enough. I've lost about 7 pounds since the beginning of the year, this is the lowest I've been since my car accident about two years ago, yet I looked in the mirror and still had a difficult time accepting that I look better. Clothes fit a bit better, some are a little loose, some are still snug, but at least they button or zip, yet I still look in the mirror and see the negatives.
I have a dress bought for a wedding and I tried it on to see how it was fitting after losing some weight, and the first thing I noticed were the problems, my arms are in bad shape, my tummy is still bigger than I want it to be, yet if I look at it as a whole, it's not a bad dress, I took friends with me to help me find something that looks good and I still feel the need to be negative about it. It's so hard to retrain yourself from such negative thoughts.
If the scale remains true to what it was today, I'll be about 6 pounds away from getting out of the obese category. That word hangs over my head every day. I always knew I was overweight, yet that word truly depressed me, it was worse than just being overweight, it was beyond that. And seems to pull me down lower and detracts from my attempts to get healthier. I'm not sure that getting out of the obese category is going to be enough to help my self esteem jump and get past the fact my arms aren't toned, my tummy still jiggles and my legs aren't nearly as slender as they ought to, but I'd like to think that I'll see it for what it really is, success. It will have required about weight loss of about 10% of my highest weight to reach that. And that in itself is truly an impressive feat. Hopefully it'll be just the beginning.