Monday, March 28, 2011

Another blog (thanks Christurtle) remind me that my nephews sons christiening on saturday WILL be a family event that will stir emotions. I have not thought so because there are no big conflicts involved, I will not have to travel to participate and it is not my grandchild... but having learned that christenings, weddings and funerals are the most stressful events for a family system, I realise that I have to take care of myself and respect that I will be affected by the situation. Hmm:

-It is the grandfather and his new wife that will host the gathering after the christening at church. They live nextdoor to me and my sister is not comfortable with socializing with her former husband. I will feel this "in the air" and get stressed.
- My nephews wife is from Peru and has her mother visiting - she speaks only spanish and is very nice but it is a straain to be polite and make sure that she feels allright. Also, my sister is fighting jealousy and deserted feelings because this other grandmother is much closer to her first grandchild... my sister is trying to deal with these emotions because she knows that they are neither realistic nor healthy, but still, it is a strain for her and thereby also for me as I can sense them.
- my brother usually drags any new woman he is dating to family occasions - also a thing that my sister has a very hard time to accept and I don´t like it that much either because it is enough strain to deal with the family and a strange women feels awkward. My sister will get grumpy, my brother will sense it and become grumpy too and I will be the little sister that gets nervous and tries to make everybody feel allright with it...
– My daughter wants to come and I have to ask her father to change weekends because it is not my normal weekend to have her. I dread to mail him because I dread every situation where he is involved.

So...although I thought that this was nothing special it all sums up to a ot of things that will affect my emotional balance. I need to be aware and take care of myself.

Thanks for reading.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Meddy, I have found I need to let my family deal with their own issues. I cannot fix all their problems for them while struggling with my own.

    Each of us has the responsibility to suck in your troubles for a few hours at family events and get along. Let the outside world see you as a united front. Leave the squabbles for another day among family and let your nephew have a memorable day.

    Here's to your ex being nice and granting your daughter's wish to revise weekends so she can attend. Hopefully, she will have spoken with her father alrady.

    3537 days ago
    3538 days ago
  • SILLYHP1953
    Sounds like a perfectly normal family to me!! I used to be more hyper-senstive than I am now, but I've been working hard on letting other people have and deal with their own feelings and not letting it affect me. Thank you Al-Anon. I hope you have a wonderful time with family and that your daughter gets to be there with you.
    3538 days ago
    Being aware of where you possible pitfalls are going to be is a huge step in emotional wellness. If you know what you are going to be up against you are better able to respond to it. I agree that no matter who's family it is there will always be some emotional things to deal with unless you have the perfect family and honestly I don't think one of those exists. Good luck on you family event! Good for being honest with yourself before the event - it will help you greatly!
    3538 days ago
    Thanks for comments - but if it sounds as if I think the family is bullsh*tting, I don´t, I don´t even think that my family is that dysfunctional. We have issues but I love them and they love me... and to me this christening is a family gathering that manifests the hope for the new life - but I have to be aware that unless you have a perfect family with perfect relations (very few have...) there will be tension and stress at family events because positions are changing. It is okay, that is the way things are and as long as I accept it it will be fine.

    To me, the danger lies in ignoring that stress rises at any big family event it is part of family system. It is not "wrong" it is natural.
    3539 days ago
    I have a very dysfunctional family myself, I always dread the family reunions so I fully understand you on this.
    Maybe if it's possible for you to focus on the little baby for whom you all are there it might feel a bit better? If your daughter comes with you, could you use her as an "excuse" to not involve yourself with the adults bullsh*t?

    3539 days ago
  • DSJB9999
    emoticon emoticon

    Sometimes being aware of the tension can make it easier to deal with!

    Hope all goes well.

    Donna x
    3539 days ago
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