No more counting.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Okay I kind of had an epiphany last night which is why I will delete my previous blog. I realized I’m not happy when I am trying to “lose” anymore. I am done losing. I'm done being hungry all the time. There are no more health issues I have to worry about in regards to my weight. I am completely healthy and at a very healthy weight. I fit into a size 8, and even those are getting roomy and I’m enjoying seeing the differences in my muscles by trying new strength routines occasionally. I've been maintaining for more than 5 months with NO problems. Last night I was just hungry. I was just HUNGRY. Because I spend all day holding out. Don’t eat this, don’t eat that. Save calories for this. And I can’t do it anymore. I get anxious because our boss buys us pizza. I get anxious because tonight is date night and we’d be eating out somewhere where the calories aren’t on the website. I just can’t do it. Back in January because I’d reached 133 I really let myself enjoy my life and eat out and not count calories. I never gained a pound, I worked out the same as I am now and always did because truthfully I enjoy working out and being in shape. And I was really happy. And I just got this into my brain recently that I wanted to lose 8 more pounds. And I’m to the point where okay I am glad I lost 2 more, but if I don’t lose 8 more it won’t be the end of the world. I need to live. I have so much going on in my life I just want to enjoy every day and not want to cry every night between 8 and 9 because I'm at my limit and eating more is the end of the world. And my eating habits won’t change but I won’t feel this enormous guilt if something comes up and my plan of what I was going to eat all day changes. I just need to live. I can stay under my calorie limit without counting mostly because I know the calories in almost EVERYTHING so it’d be impossible for the numbers not to pop up in my head. So while I’m only halfway through Ripped in 30, I will continue the workouts but I have decided to stop counting calories for a while. Maybe a few weeks before Jamaica I will try again, but for now, for my sanities sake I really just can’t do it anymore. I can’t worry. I just had a protein shake and I can estimate how many it was but you know what, I don’t care. I know it was healthy and will benefit me because I did the dvd this morning along with running 4.5 miles on an incline at the gym, and I know I will be fine today because I upped my protein. I love feeling in shape and knowing how physically fit I am. I want that to be my focus. I will always care about my nutrition and making sure I eat fruits and vegetables because I LIKE fruits and vegetables and enjoy making meals that are healthy and tasty. But tonight I’m eating out with my boyfriend. And life will go on.
Watch in 3 weeks I’ll be saying I AM SO PUMPED TO LOSE WEIGHT AND STAY ON A STRICT DIET! LOL no I don’t think so. I am just looking forward to being even MORE active this summer by taking runs on the boardwalk and possibly finding some hiking locations nearby. And I’ve been researching kickboxing class. I think it could help with my anxiety. Anyway that's my story right now. Here's to putting the sparkpeople app away for a bit. =)