SHREKWARD
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Where do I go now?

Friday, March 25, 2011

I'm swamped.
I tried the gym this week on Tuesday, became very paranoid and ended up destroyed by a panic attack.
My work is becoming more and more tougher to deal, with a I am being put upon by my peers who hide and sherk and find myself with no fight back, unless I unleash all my fury, which would be an unwise thing to do.
I can't explain anything inside my head and with all the medications find myself sleepless with torments running free.
I have no idea where to go now, and I am so afraid as many things that I have attempted in life have failed.
There was one thing I keep thinking of more and more and have now started to read about on the net as to the best methods, but knowing me I would get that wrong too!
I don't see that I have anywhere else to go.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WORKTHEGOAL
    Sending love Chris x

    Wise words already spoken. Hope you find the courage and strength to take the next step forwards.

    Mandy x
    2791 days ago
  • LINEY223
    Chris GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW. Stop trying to be strong and cope and fight on alone - it is no sign of weakness to get help.

    If you broke your leg you'd get it put in plaster and do the physio exercises when it healed. This is no different.

    I have to say, although I do not know what you are going through as I am not you, I have been at the same place. i sat and counted out the tablets to take to end it all. I do not know why I didn't do it. It seemed the answer to all my problems and that everyone would be better off without me in their lives.

    TOTALLY untrue. I only thank goodness or sanity or whatever it was that stopped me all those years ago from killing myself.

    I know that it took me a long time and years of counselling to recover but my life is so different now it's unbelievable to even think how close I was to ending it.

    I know too after the suicide of my uncle that those left behind suffer an incredible amount - not only grief but guilt and shame that we couldn't stop him, didn't see it comiing etc.

    Do not do that to yourself to Claire and to those who love you in life.

    I repeat: You must go and talk to someone honestly about how you feel and what you are going through - however bad it is you owe it to yourself and to Claire to get help.
    PLEASE. I am begging you.

    2795 days ago
  • SPARK_COACH_JEN
    I agree with the previous posters who said you should seek professional help for how you're feeling. I'd be happy to help direct you toward those resources if you need it. Feel free to contact me via SparkMail.

    Coach Jen
    2796 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/25/2011 8:18:16 PM
  • JULIAOAK
    thinking of you - emoticon
    2796 days ago
  • FUTUREHOPE49
    Sorry to hear you are going through this Chris! I think you need some professional help quickly. You are doing well to hold your temper with the problems you have at work. Don't give up! You have come such a long way! I think you have done many good things in your life! You are not a failure! Try doing some yoga quietly at home, it will relax you and have a calming effect. Get rid of all that tension then you will sleep better. Do some body strength training exercises at home instead of going to the gym. There are lots of exercises on spark. Try and relax at the weekend, go do some gardening and get lost with nature. Remember all those lovely veggies you grew last year! emoticon
    2796 days ago
  • ANNC16
    Chris you need to seek professional help, and now. You cannot continue feeling like this, and the thoughts that are runningthrough your head are dangerous.

    You have triuphed in one major way, and that is to turn your life completely around. Just remember that fact. You have achieved an immense amount in the last 2 years.
    2796 days ago
  • KRILEYFARM
    "I have no idea where to go now, and I am so afraid as many things that I have attempted in life have failed." Shrekwards said.
    When I was in the world of darkness and just so not sure where to go. Until the day which I found the light which lifted me from the dark gloomy dungeon. Wow how life has changed! I speak the truth from my heart. My prayers are with you. Your sorrow has been placed upon my heart to reach out. For some reason ( I know why now) I clicked on your blog this AM. So please continue to read what the Holy Spirit has lead me to say.
    God blesses each and every one of us.

    Our Father is never going to leave us. We all struggle in many different ways. We must trust in our Lord and He will pull you out of the darkness. He is so good.

    God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13.


    What happens to us when we find ourselves in the middle of dark situations? Do we believe the things taht are happening to u are accidental? Do we seek to change our circumstances, or do we accept them with fatalistic attitude? Can we change our circumstancs, or should we even try?

    Sometimes we can change things, we must try. That is why we are there! At other times having tried, we find we cannot alter anything, nor can we sscape, and so we must allow those situations to change us and we must accept the privilege of shining there. Jill Briscoe

    Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22
    2797 days ago
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