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Recognizing What's Not Working

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What a fast-paced couple of weeks!

I knew something was going to give eventually, and it happened yesterday: meltdown. Early in the morning, I couldn't get myself out of bed (not enough sleep). When I did finally get out of bed, I had a rushed workout, wound up late to work (which is a problem since I teach a college class and was underprepared), had several errands to do after work, and then chores at home before any sign of rest. Whew.

It's not simply the fast pace and lack of any real significant rest that caused the meltdown. When I'm booked down to the hour, when I'm bouncing from one obligation to the next, then I 1) seem to be perpetually late. It doesn't matter how punctual I am or set out to be, I'm late everywhere I go. And 2) I feel like I'm not giving my best to anything I'm doing. This sucks any way you slice it, but as a perfectionist, it's got an extra layer of oomf behind it! I started the day feeling so sad yesterday, mostly because I knew I was getting a late start and would consequently struggle all day.

I'm eternally grateful for a good partnership. Sensing I was well over the edge, Dan stepped up and took the reigns, taking charge on the chores, starting dinner up for me, encouraging me to do whatever I needed to do to take care of myself--and I did. My self-care amounted to some pretty simple things, but having the time and space to do them restored a little balance to my life. Thank goodness for a good partner!

There are a few aspects of my life that just aren't working for me right now. Two years ago, even just 18 months ago, this statement was true about almost all facets of my life. It is because I made the committment to change this that my tolerance is so low for the things not working for me presently. I'm simply not willing to live a life that keeps me feeling frantic, failing, flailing, and rushed. There are some changes around the corner: for instance, I've made the decision to opt out of my doctorate program and leave the college with a second masters instead; I've decided, at least for now, not to return to teaching in the traditional sense. But for the next 6 weeks, I need to finish what I've started and keep my head above water as I see this through.

I'd love to be present here on sparkpeople more--present to my friends and myself in a much fuller way--but for right now, sparkpeople is one of those things that is taking a back seat while I'm in this particular phase. Know that I'm thinking of you all, sparkfriends, and look forward to catching up on all that I'm missing in your lives as soon as this current phase of things comes to a close and the next, exciting phase of things begins. Big plans coming down the pike, and I'm very excited about them!

P.S.--One place I have NOT given less than 100% is in my training--which is going great. I train about 2 hours a day, and I'm starting to feel genuinely prepared and excited for the physical part of these upcoming triathlons. It's really exciting! I can't wait to share more about it!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm inspired that you're aware of the cues around you and how they're making you uncomfortable. I think too many times, I know I'm guilty of this, we slip into complacency and just "deal" with the distressing situations of our life. I know I have things that I need to be dedicated to, but because I'm afraid of change or putting myself out there for rejection, I'm just coasting through life, not making waves and deathly scared of the change that will eventually ensue. Brava to you for listening and doing what YOU need to do to find peace. And you better believe we'll all be here when you have the time to come back. For right now, you work on doing what brings you peace. I hope you find it soon enough, friend.
    2951 days ago
    I am not sure how I became unsuscribed to your blog but it's not unlikely I pushed a wrong button, LOL

    I'm always amazed at a certain synchronicity many of us have here at Spark. I have not slept well since Monday evening and its had the effect of a snow ball rolling down hill and gaining momentum. It finally took Joan saying quite loudly and quite convincingly "Enough" to make me slow down and take a few deep breaths.

    Glad you saw the issue, glad you are regaining your balance. I was talking to a client last week stressing to them that working towards goals are almost futile unless you work on creating balance in your life at the same time. As always it looks like you are right on track.

    Many blessings to you

    My Love

    2951 days ago
    keep tweaking your life and figuring out what works for you at any given time, it's all we can do, glad to hear you are setting things in motion that will make you happy! i wish u a quick & painless finish of the teaching year!!
    2955 days ago
    You always have to do what's right for you. It's the quality of your life that is important, and only you can determine what that is for YOU.

    We will miss your blogs but totally understand that you have to do what's best for you.
    2955 days ago
    Take care of yourself. We will always be here for you! emoticon
    2955 days ago
    So glad you have kept up with your training. Your life does sound hectic! emoticon
    2955 days ago
    It will be good to hear from you any time you can check in.

    2956 days ago
  • BAM0827
    See you in a few weeks!

    Can't wait to read about your tris!

    2956 days ago
    Miss you but you need to take care of YOU! Thanks for checking in though! emoticon
    2956 days ago
    I am so glad that Dan is so understanding and helpful - Wow what a difference a great partner can make in our lives. Hang in there these upcoming weeks with finishing out obligations. So exciting that you have promising things coming. Glad you are still able to train.
    2956 days ago
    Dan rocks! emoticon What a fantastic dude!
    And emoticon on figuring out what's not working and setting an action plan in place.
    Even when you are feeling out of control, you continue to inspire the rest of us. emoticon
    2956 days ago
  • BANAN2
    I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dan is a keeper, and you have wisdom beyond your years. Hang in this pace, those six weeks will go quickly and just knowing you have a better plan for the future should help get you through these frantic, failing, flailing days (loved that phrase!) We'll be here waiting when it's all over and then you can fill us in on all the good stuff!
    2956 days ago
    You have to do what works for YOU Melissa . . . and if taking a break from SparkPeople for a while makes other aspects of your life that much easier, then go for it! We'll miss you, but in the long run your mental and physical health has to be your priority.
    2956 days ago
  • FREES1
    hang in there - you'll make it..
    I wish I could trade a little of my 'laid-back-ness' for a bit of your perfectionist with you - it might help us both out!
    in all the craziness of the next few weeks don't forget to breathe and take a little time here and there for yourself!

    and hurrah Dan!!!
    2956 days ago
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