25,000-29,999 SparkPoints 29,357

It Can't Always be Perfect

Monday, March 21, 2011

Over the past few months I've been struggling with my weight loss. Well, not struggling, but really being stuck at the same weight. I have been playing with three pounds that just when I'm celebrating the loss of them, they find they're way back to my scale within a week. It's been frustrating, but I've tried to work through it. I still bust my butt working out, I still eat healthy. I try to work out more, I try to eat healthier but it doesn't make a difference.

Those three pounds are important because I've never weighed less then I do now. Ten years ago when I saw a Nutrionalist, I was able to get down to 145 and couldn't lose anymore weight, no matter what we tried. She told me that it was obvious that my body was happy at that weight and I needed to accept it. When I joined SP, I set my goal weight for 140. Yes, this is really still considered overweight according to the BMI, but that number had importance to me because I've never reached it. My goal was for January 11 to reach this goal, just before my 36 birthday.

Here it is mid-March and I still have not reached that goal and am ready to give up on it. So, what, I fluctuate in the 140's. I wear a smaller size then I have ever worn, so why am I unhappy with it. I've always recognized that I'll never be skinny, I am not built that way. But, this morning when my alarm went off at 5 am so I could get my workout in, it hit me. I'm busting my ass working out, I'm eating healthy and this is the best my body has to offer? I don't want to be skinny, really I don't, I like having curves BUT is it too much to ask for less fat on my belly, my inner thighs and my triceps.

And as I've spent the entire day beating myself up because I rolled over and decided to sleep that extra 45 minutes because I just couldn't face another workout and struggling to continue eating healthy, I realized that I treat myself like crap. I would never put up with one of my friends thinking or talking about herself the way I do myself. So what, I'm never going to grace the cover of a magazine, BIG DEAL! I will never be skinny, but I am healthy. I no longer wear a size 18/20 but instead a size 6/8. I only outweigh my 13 year old daughter by 20 pounds & she's not fat! So what do I have to complain about? Why have I wasted a day feeling sorry for myself, hating myself, hating my body? How has this helped me to further my goals? Well, it hasn't, but I feel much better after getting all my frustrations and feelings out here!

I will no longer treat myself bad because I'm not perfect. I'm not and I have no interest in being perfect. I think that comes with a lot of unreachable expectations. I will learn to treat myself as I would treat any other person I have ever met, and in a lot of cases, people I haven't met. I will treat myself as I treat others!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Dont give up. You will lose those pounds. Keep the weight goals and set some other goals, some exercise goals. emoticon
    2633 days ago
  • HOPE2011
    You're right - we do tend to get obsessed with the numbers. I have my final goal as 140 too, but my doctor completely disagrees with me. (He says I should shoot for 160.) Since I've never been small, I figure that I will know when I get there.

    I think you are doing great! It sounds like you are in the phase MARCHEM is in - the defining phase! Getting cut and all that good stuff with your Jillian workouts!

    I think you are an inspiration - don't you forget it!
    2643 days ago
  • LJAMISON6135
    You are healthy! That is what's most important. Skinny is a bad word. None of us should ever strive for Skinny, like you said, you like your curves! You look great! I like the last post which said to not obsess as that causes stress. I too need to tell myself that. I like the uplifting advice I get reading everyone's posts. Hang in there, but lightly.

    2643 days ago
    The body is amazingly complex. I've known several women who tried everything including years of fertility treatments to get pregnant - it wasn't until they finally gave up trying - they got pregnant.

    Maybe your body is the same with weight - maybe when you resign yourself to eating right and exercising regularly and forget about the scale that the pounds will disappear? Stranger things have happened.

    Oh and remember - muscle is denser than fat. So you can lose inches but weigh more - hence the smaller size!
    2644 days ago
    It is frustrating when you focus on the Scale! Your blog shares that you are a size smaller then before! I think your weight is most likely because of healthy muscle gain, you look beautiful and you feel healthy! I remember when I was in the gym once and the owner and myself were talking and I can't remember what I said but it must of be negative to myself. He said to me that I was healthy. He has seen some of the slimmest girls come and they could not walk up a flight of stairs. That helped me to focus more on physical health not looks!

    When you do make the weight you want and I am sure you can, remember to be healthy first!


    Remember BMI is just a rough guide and it can't tell the differnce between fat weight and muscle weight and how your bone structure is.
    2645 days ago
    For whatever reason, feeling negatively about yourself keeps the weight just hanging on no matter how hard you work at it.
    I was at the same point. Agonizing everyday about why I was working so hard and nothing was happening.
    One day I just decided enough was enough and I put my scale away and quit tracking my food.
    I started running instead of strength training, ate what I felt like eating without stressing about it, and now the weight is coming off again.
    I only do a weigh-in/measurements every couple of weeks, and I keep my meals light and healthy but don't deprive myself if I want something sweet or fattening.
    I have so much more control now over my food than I ever did. It seems strange but its like lessening the stress on myself just made the whole process so much easier. Now this really does feel like a lifestyle change and I find myself looking forward to getting up early and working out because I don't give myself a set schedule. I just workout when I feel like it now and find that I'm fitting in more exercise than ever before.
    Something different works for everyone, so its a matter of finding your balance in life.
    2645 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by HDMARTIN88