PIGLET1979

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Disabused

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I have stood, humbly, at my post, for nearly 6 long, trying weeks. Note: I originally typo'ed this line, incorrectly stating the duration as, "months," rather than, "weeks." So, there you go subconscious. You win.

I came. I sauteed and stewed. I karaoke lullaby-ed like a woman crazed. Rode bikes and trikes and plastic cars never intended to accumulate adult mileage. Swung swings. Nursed wounds, real and imagined. Dried- and cried- tears. Flashed and feigned smiles.

I am at a crossroads. I have reached an interminable impasse. Emotionally, mentally and physically drained, I desire to wave a white flag and brazenly announce my defeat to the masses. I am broken.

I am also guilty of a bit of melodrama and true physical un-wellness, which are of no use to just about anyone. Notable exceptions being the script rooms of, "Guiding Light," and possibly "Grey's Anatomy," on a particularly bad day. Although it is safe to say that I have abruptly reached the threshold of selflessness, I am determined to walk (or crawl) away from this extended experience a wiser, more tolerant, more self-aware human being. A human being that is certain my level of child-time endurance is both metered and extremely transient. I am duly grateful, and also confounded by the patience and the appearance of cheeriness on the faces of elementary educators.

You can never step in the same spilled milk twice. There are always new messes to me made. My life will never be the same.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • STRINGS58
    Re-reading this, knowing that child-care is the contributor -- I have to say, Congrats! because you have been fully invested! That's an essential ingredient in doing it well! Problem is that you get worn out and can't see that anything was done well because oops, there's more to do! I hope you enjoy making the best use out of brief breaks!
    3789 days ago
  • IUHRYTR
    Unfortunately, our lives will consist of a stream of messes. How do we approach them? With bitterness and despair or with an attitude of renewal as we eliminate the mess and face a clean future? Be well. -- Lou
    3790 days ago
  • STRINGS58
    I don't think I understand as I keep scanning your blog for the reason for your upset -- but how it resounded in me was finding an old obstacle causing the core of current distress and working to once again address it and move it out of the way. And yes, there will be another mess. The difference is how skilled we get and cleaning up the spills . . .
    3790 days ago
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