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being honest about why I am still overweight

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I just read a blog about being afraid to lose weight. The author was trying to assess why she had lingering doubts about whether she'll lose the weight and the "what now?" that comes with reaching the goal weight. So, while we're being honest, I can say (because I have been avoiding it for months now), that I am afraid to lose weight, too. I think that is why the scale is not at all moving for me. There is, for me, some comfort in being overweight. This sounds silly, but for the first time in my life, I can say what is on my mind and not shock anyone. I can be tough. It is like the weight is my armor, deflecting attacks from others and protecting me as I go out into the fray. I have not reconciled that I can be a strong, independent woman AND wear a size 6 or that being thin equals being a doormat (like I very much was back in the day).

Frustrating to me though, is that I really don't feel like myself when I spout off a dissenting opinion about something, or when I speak my mind at someone else's expense. I also physically feel terrible: my back and neck hurt, I always have a headache, and I can't sit on the floor without hurting my hips. I hate shopping and buying new clothes makes me want to cry. I had to buy a formal gown for a charity event that I was chairing earlier this month, and I had a panic attack in the dressing room because I just could not stand what I was seeing. You would think these would be enough motivation for diligently counting calories and obessively running up and down my street. I just don't understand why it isn't.

I am irritated with myself for not getting started. I am doubly irritated with myself for being more comfortable here than where I was. I guess I still need a swift kick in the rear to get me going, I just can't seem to identify where it is going to come from, because I sure seem to have a hard time generating it for myself...
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  • PENNI68
    You took the words right out of my mouth!! Wow!
    2607 days ago
    I understand how you feel, I too have been where you are now. But you know what ? Things CAN get better !! You can improve your health ! Instead of worrying about how much you have to lose, let's take this in smaller steps. Make a simple goal and shoot for that goal. Once that goal is achieved, move onto the next goal. Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated.

    One thing I knew when I decided I needed to make a change was that I ate too much junk. So, one of the first things I did was to cut back on all the treats I did. I didn't even worry about how many calories I was eating. I knew by eliminating the mid morning muffin and afternoon brownie that that would impact my weight. Over time, I made other changes. This wasn't an all or nothing effort for me. I really did take smaller bites. pardon the pun.

    So, why not try a challenge ? How many push ups can you do ? If you can't do any, why not try the 100 Push up challenge. You don't have to do any push ups right now. the challenge will teach you how to do 100 !! How cool is that ??? How great do you think you'd feel if you could do 100 push ups ??? You can learn more about that here....<
    And yes, women can do 100 push ups. I'm significantly older than you and I routinely do 100 military style push ups. Gotta tell you, it really does feel great whenever I do them.

    Here's one thing I would recommend to you, don't be afraid to come out of your comfort zone. Yes, carrying the extra weight is a comfort because it's something we understand. Being healthy is scary because we don't know what that feels like, but you know what... it really does get easier. But, you've got to be brave. You've got to be ready to take a chance on yourself.

    You'd be surprized what you can do if you set your mind to it !!

    emoticon emoticon
    2607 days ago
    Yes ... heard those thoughts rambling around this head too. Been stumbling off track for almost 2 weeks too.

    But ~
    Force yourself to put such thoughts aside. Force yourself ... write down what you REALLY WANT in life ... And, most importantly, what you DON'T want anymore.

    Force yourself to turn your thinking upside down!!

    Sometimes the armor that comes with being fit and thin is, amazingly, so much more protective than the costume of weight (which I share with you). Being who you want to be ~not who anyone else wants you to be~ is the best defense against a harsh world! But it also is one that allows you to open the door to the beauty in the world, and let you participate in that beauty!
    2607 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/31/2011 10:21:31 AM
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