Inspired, but not cured!

Friday, March 18, 2011

In a post in one of my groups, someone put the post: Japanese nuclear worker on the news: "I am prepared to die to avoid meltdown." They then said, Say it with me - "I will not complain about my job today." I have also heard of the nuclear plant workers who are going in, even though it is a suicide mission, and I am very impressed with their courage, and their sense of honor and service.

Lord knows we do complain a lot on the site and in society in general, and do need to have a wider perspective about things, but something they said troubled me. They said our complaining was sad and gave the quote, and challenge of having a complaint free day. I might be able today to do that and I do think it would be a good exercise for me, but someone else might couldn't, and it doesn't make them sad.

I did like the quote and did gain perspective from it, but I know at other times of my life, I would not have been in a place to find any help from it. We are all individuals at different points in our lives, and I am sad for those in that place where they feel the need to complain, but I can in no way say it’s sad that they are there. Their reality can still be really bad to them, and be beyond their means to deal with it at this time, whether a heroic act happens or not.

I wrote a blog, since I found myself writing far too much for a post, since I felt I had to ask myself, “What can you gain from this broader perspective of how my problems aren’t as bad as theirs.” I mean at first glance it’s the type of story we are inspired by, feel a bit small in relation to and then go back to our life.

I wish I could see the broad picture by this heroic act of sacrifice, and in that moment have my depression, anxiety, stress, etc. taken away, and not complain or feel like my problems are so big, but that isn’t me to begin with. I think as I lose weight, and work on other areas of my health, the progress will help these emotional issues, but they came before the weight and may just follow me all the way down as I lose it. Each thing I learn helps me to grow, and for that I am always grateful, but I can't judge or value another person’s pain level- whether emotional or physical.

My stress, my depression, and how it relates at work is pretty bad to me. I can’t promise to not be stressed or depressed or complain today because of my work, because there are some huge problems and bad outcomes I face, if I don’t have time to get past my issues with invoicing and get the money to pay the back taxes. My problem is very bad, no it’s not terminal, and I am very glad for that, but that perspective only goes so far.

I always do try and see the bigger picture, and from all my medical time in the hospital and in physical therapy, I definitely know someone always has it worse. I also find this broader perspective of how my health could be worse is helpful to keep me working away at my bad health, to not get feeling too overwhelmed by the problems.

At the same time, my health and problems are serious and deadly, and I have to take them very seriously and not feel that they aren’t that bad and put off the hard work. I am sure the person I see in the hospital that is worse than me, had some similar feeling of someone else years ago, and ended up as my example, because they thought they had time and at least they weren’t as bad as that guy.

I think too often people, say, “Oh, get over it, it’s not that bad.” or something similar. For them- a person usually not in pain and not depressed- I have no doubt, that “IT” isn’t that bad, but to me it may be. We all need to get to work, complain less, and focus on change. At other times, however; we need to complain, rant, let out our depression and worry to get the healing so that we can do the hard work later.

They both are valid, and they both are needed, and the only person who can say what they need is the individual, regardless of how good our intention to help them is or our example to get them to rise above themselves. We just don't know what their entire story is, however omniscient we think we are.

I hope and pray the spouses and children of those brave Japanese workers have a safe place with people who understand them, to come and complain, and state how overwhelmed their lives will now be, since their loved ones will be dying from radiation poisioning.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Fantastic post my brother, keep working through it. I'm here when you need me.
    3731 days ago
  • BISCO_
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    3741 days ago
    Thank you, Bob!
    I commit to have a no complains Monday on you.
    Hope you're getting better.
    3742 days ago
    Excellent blog! Thank you for sharing your thoughts Bob! Lots of great comments here as well.

    Those Japanese workers are true heroes. A very big thank you to them for their selfless act.

    I find myself fairly tolerant when others complain. As you say, we just don't know their whole story. Some people really do have a much tougher row to hoe.

    It is all to easy to get focused on the negatives in our lives especially as we grow older. I am fortunate to have had the example of two wonderful grandmothers and a mother who never complained of their losses or pains. I hope that I can age as gracefully as they did.

    Blessings to you always, Elaine
    3743 days ago
    Hey Bob! I love your thoughts on this. I used to be repeatedly accused of being a pessimistic complainer. I tried so hard to get along with those people who were accusing me in that way. Finally the day came ´round when I realized what they were calling pessimistic complaining was my questioning of THEIR choices; they did not like it that I was questioning them and making them feel uneasy about their behaviour! What a relief to realize that I had let them bully me into thinking something was wrong with my thinking so that I would shut up and do what I was told. Life is better with them out of it!

    I think there is a place for questioning and I don´t call all questioning complaining either. It does take courage to do things you know will affect you negatively for the rest of your life. Sometimes it is the best we can do for ourselves and our families (future generations). These particular people know their job well and that they are better than anyone else at it. I hurt for them and I hurt for the people who will be affected not only by their decisions but also by whether or not it makes a difference in what happens.
    3744 days ago
    Great blog Bob!

    One of the many things I enjoy about this great nation is the freedom to complain.

    No one can ever fully know what another person is feeling or going through. Patience and understanding are always welcomed.

    But to not be allowed to complain? Nope.
    3744 days ago
    Thank you for sharing, Bob!
    We are all learning from the bravery and sacrifice of those Japanese nuclear workers. As you pointed out so beautifully, it is also very important for us not to judge or compare each other. We all have challenges in this life. Some are obvious and others are not. It is important that we treat ourselves and others with great compassion!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Janet
    3744 days ago
    NEVER REIGN IN YOUR OPINIONS SOMETIMES PEOPLE NEED TO SEE THOSE THINGS I AM AM ALWAYS LETTING LOOSE LOL but you know a horse is a horse not a zebra or an antelope and some things need to be said after a while
    hugs to you and that little wife of yours
    the lady mary
    3744 days ago
    Thanks for all the wonderful comments! As for balance, for myself at this point, it is the way to go internally. At other times, the balance had been off so long, I needed to be “complaining”. I think we too often use “complaining” to mean any negative statement. Sometimes things are negative and it is very therapeutic to state it and get it out of our heads. I find this very helpful, and useful to resolving it and getting a new or supportive perspective my by spark buds. I think LifeisaJourney hit it on the head, talking about the positives of complaining and the negative of it as it gets into repetition and drivel.

    As to my posting, I definitely think posting about others I see no place for balance. I have to reign in my opinions, and statements that though true to me and of great value, are given with little knowledge of the other party. Those direct statements or judgements should be reserved for a therapist or very close friend.

    3744 days ago
    Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts on this. I was a bit bothered by how some might take those comments as well, although I do also see the point as you stated. You are an amazing person, Bob. I do think it's very important to recognize that we never know a person's whole story and that we are all in different places in our lives. This is so thoughtful and I think it would've been appropriate to share, but that's just me. I'm wishing you all the best as always! Feel free to complain, vent, or talk to me any day! We all have our own struggles and should feel supported by others in my opinion. emoticon
    3744 days ago
  • no profile photo LIFEISAJOURNEY
    A lot of thoughtful reflection here, Bob. Thank your for articulating it and sharing with the rest of us so we can think about it, too.

    I'm thinking the idea is to not be a complainer. That is different from complaining. Stating a complaint, then being mindful and letting go of it is healthy. Stating a complaint, then dwelling on it, nursing it, making it a focus, and bombarding all w/i earshot with our sonorous 'drivel' is not healthy.

    As others have written, balance is important. I add that mindfulness helps attain that balance.

    Namaste, my friend,
    3744 days ago
    Hi Bob! I believe in balance. If I can't unload some of my concerns and complaints, then I internalize them. That is not healthy, so I strive for balance.
    3744 days ago
    Here, here, Bob!!! And quite well put, I might add.

    I, too, am very impressed by the sense of honor among those Japanese workers putting their lives on the line for "the greater good." I don't know if I could do that and I guess I'm just very grateful that I'm not in that position!!!

    As for everything being valid ... you are 200% correct. The best that I can try to do is shoot for balance ... there are most definitely times that I need to complain (though I try not to overdo it), times when I need to cry, yell, laugh, rant, worry ... all of those things. You are so right that they all have a place.

    Thanks for the blog ... tons to think about!! As for my job, I am so very spoiled at this new job that I sought out for over a year ... and I appreciate it each and every day ... but I also have complaints about it occasionally. Nothing is perfect!!!!

    3745 days ago
    Best_Life_Now, what a great name and well themed for my rant. Lady Mary, well said, I wish I was as succinct and to the point as you are!
    3745 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8752472
    You sound like a very compassionate person. With all the reality shows, I think that is a lost art. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
    3745 days ago
    we each have a certain load we carry..whatever that load is and we should carry it as well as we can and not always be comparing our loads with the others out there
    love and hugs
    the lady mary
    3745 days ago
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