I don't want to be seen weak.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my blog yesterday, your words were really appreciated.
I have not been to the gym for 20 days now, and my fitness revolves around walking the dogs (although I I haven't done this a week now owing to my fear of being outdoors, and so Clare does this for the time being.) and also what Wii fit when I feel like doing it. I don't feel like it anytime, but I do do a small amount of time each day. I just feel my body is slipping, and that depresses me, as my eating, although not too bad, isn't the best I could be doing for myself.
I still have a long wait for the outcome of my problem to reveal itself, and I know that I can't continue to live my life this way. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be seen weak. But, at the moment, it's taking all my strength just to get out of bed and hold myself together.
I have many moments in tears, and many more moments wondering whatever happened to my life.
I am really in fear of what will happen and the consequences of what time will reveal.
I really don't want to make people tired by reading something so bleak and black, but as I said yesterday, this is purely a diary to myself really, so yet again, sorry to you as the reader.