Here I Go Again on My Own
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I'm so, so, so tired. Yesterday after school, I came home and had dinner, then took a walk. I'm pretty stressed out and the walk was the start to what I needed to try to relax. I could have gone to the gym or taken a run, but the walk in the mountain air and 50 degree weather helped start to clear my head up. I've eaten horribly the last couple of weeks with minimal exercise (volleyball and a few times riding bikes at the gym). I know that stress should not be an excuse for treating my body horribly, and I really just wish that some day I'll learn to handle stress in a healthy way.
While I was on my walk, I made a mental list of all the things that are stressing me out. I want to list them here, too, so that if there's anyone who has any advice, they can help me out.
1. My job. It's wonderful and I love it. I get so behind sometimes, though. I want to be the best teacher possible. I want to inspire my students and teach them all they need to know. It's a tiring job, though. Between planning 3 preps, grading 80 3-10 page papers, and teaching, I'm about worn out. I can't wait for Spring break in a couple of weeks.
2. My masters degree. Between the reading and the homework, I don't know how to get it all done sometimes. Again, I just want to be the best student I can be and I feel like I fall short of that sometimes.
3. My home life. I pack my life with so many freaking things, that I sometimes feel like I'm not spending enough time at home with my hubby. I'm very fortunate that he understands this and that he is so kind and loving.
4. My family. I never see them. I need to plan a wedding shower and bachelorette party for my sister who is getting married in June. I want to spend time with my mom, sisters, and nephews. I miss my dad whom I haven't talked to since last May. When is there time in the day for me to be a good family member?
5. My personal life. I'm impatient and a worry wart. Sometimes I get jealous of what others have that I want, then I get upset at my selfishness. It's a never ending cycle.
6. My health. I've been neglecting it and that's just not right.
So, after thinking about it and listing it all out, I see a couple of commonalities. The first is that all I want to do is be the best me possible. When there are so many balls being juggled, I feel like I can't keep them all up for too long. If one drops, I've failed. How can I be good at everything all at once? The second thing I notice is time. I need an extra 10 hours in a day. Is there anyone out there who can make that happen? :)
I started fresh again yesterday with breakfast, salad for lunch, and a sensible dinner. When I got home, I did that 45 minute walk, then had volleyball after that. Same thing today, only better since I got all my water in today and actually got a 45 minute run in after I got home. My healthy lunch is all made for tomorrow. I'm ready to start anew with baby steps. Here I go again!