With help, I hope to cope.

Friday, March 11, 2011

I think that the title sounds like a cry for help, and I guess to some degree it is.
I'm not looking for sympathy to the situation that I find myself in, as the initial "hard" part is now passed (Monday passed), but it is now just a case of waiting, and not knowing when either the news or the severity of that news will arrive.
This is without doubt "the" hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, even going through redundancy, divorce, bankruptcy, death of both parents, being told I had 24 months to live, not seeing my children for nearly 3 years, this is by far the hardest mountain I have ever had to face.
I haven't been going to the gym, I have been just walking my boys (dogs) and adding that time into my fitness (by no way near the energy expelled) but, I guess it is something.
The problem with that is that I then have too much time to dwell on the facts and that depresses me.
Together with my 13 different medications for my heart and Diabetes, I have now been given some Anti Depressants and sleeping tablets which the latter really do work and can at least give my mind a rest for a good few hours.
I am sorry to be writing in this fashion and manner, but I think that by blogging, this is just as much for myself to help me to recognise my own feelings as to you the reader.
As I said, I am not looking for sympathy, I can't tell you what this is about as yet as I don't fully know myself, and therefore sympathy can't be handed out!
I do know one thing though. I don't get to see my "own" family as their Mother makes it difficult and with the distances involved even harder. I have no immediate family other than these.
I do however have Clare, she is everything to me and I have neither time enough or the space to write what I truly feel about this astonishing lady, but, thank you my Darling.
And to you, my peers, my fellow soldiers in this fight to gain better healthier lives for ourselves, your help, words of support and kindness has made a difference to me.
It gives me hope that I may cope because I know that you are there at all times.
Whenever I turn this computer on, there will ALWAYS be a message from someone.
So, thank you for being there for me!
With help, I hope to cope.


I WILL cope!

Thank you,


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your roots for survival go very deep - whatever it takes to get through this next chapter - you will find the strength you need.

    Take care

    2960 days ago
  • ERIN4771
    i can't pretend to know what you are going through, what i can do is offer my support in whatever shape you need the mean time, lean on clare, your furry little beasts and take some time for yourself. i know how hard it is to shut your mind off, but, if you can, please do....hugs my friend.... emoticon
    2960 days ago
  • VERITY50
    You are very courageous to speak out loud your feelings. I for one believe that you can't deal with your fears, concerns, etc. until you identify them.

    Best wishes as you journey through this period. I look forward to seeing your happy face on the other side. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2962 days ago
    Chris I will pray you will overcome this difficulty. You have overcome so many big things in the past.Keep hope for the future. You didn't give up when they said you had 24 months to live. Don't give up! Every moment you have is precious and just think you have inspired so many by your fortitude which has been inspirational to so many of us.Praying and thinking of you. emoticon
    2962 days ago
    Sorry to hear you are on more meds Chris! Hope they work for you! I am really worried about you! I hope you get some good news soon! So glad you have Clare to share your burden and the boys to help keep you going. Hope you have some rest and peace this weekend. Thinking of you!
    Love and Hugs from Ellen xx emoticon
    2963 days ago
  • LINEY223
    I can only echo others comments. We are all here to support you - it's small fry pay back for all the support you give by posting/ blogging/ encouraging others etc.

    Antidepressants are good but bear in mind they do take about 5-6 weeks to kick in. They are simply a net to stop you sliding further down and to allow you to find some strength to deal with whatever is going on. I know its a pain to take more medication but it really is no different than taking your diabetes medication to keep that under control.

    I know that you are a strong person mentally , emotionally and physically. As the Jewish/Yiddish phrase says " And All things will pass".

    Take care and thinking of you.
    2963 days ago
    Chris, so sorry you are feeling so down and I wish I had your fabulous gift of the gab to give you encouraging words. Just know that I and all of your Spark friends are here for you wherever we are.

    Chin up


    Anita x
    2963 days ago
  • JESS0107
    I will be praying that you find your cope. Everyone deserves to be happy so why not you? I hope you have a great weekend!
    2963 days ago
  • ANNC16
    Whatever it is Chris you know that you have the support and friendship of everyone on here, as well as the immediate support of Claire. You don't need to feel like you have to face this alone. You are definitely not alone.
    2963 days ago
    2963 days ago
    thinking of you emoticon emoticon
    2963 days ago
  • BRANDI1809
    I know that with Clare beside you, you will be able to get through this 'bad' time in your life. I hope that whatever it is you are facing, can be faced & fought & won.
    2963 days ago
    Chris just know that we are here for you. Good to see you've blogged.
    2963 days ago
    Chris, I am so sorry you are feeling down at the moment and hope that whatever it is turns out not to be too bad. You have helped so many of us in the past so now its our turn to be there for you. Remember just as you're always been there for us, we'll be here to help and support you whenever you need it. emoticon
    2963 days ago
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