Doing the Butt Kicking Thing Today
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Today, the motivation hit me. My apartment was, as per usual, a disaster. My friend, Becca, was coming over to watch the boys for me while I went to my therapy appointment. And although she's seen my house in the shape it was in... and sometimes worse... I was embarrassed by the thought of it. I played some Civ IV for a little while when I first got up, but the need to get the mess cleaned up was nagging too hard at me. At 8:30, I got off the computer, grabbed a garbage bag and started cleaning. Gone were the take out bags and drink containers. Gone were the junk mail and bits of cereal that Pete dropped everywhere. Toys got picked up off the floor. Dishes got brought into the kitchen. Laundry got put into a laundry hamper and brought to the washing machine to be cleaned. The dining room table was moved back to where it belonged. The chairs were put where they belonged. Even the coffee table was put back in it's rightful place in front of the couch. In 90 minutes, I transformed these two rooms from hazards to only bits of passable clutter (none of which was on the floor). I had planned on doing the dishes as well, but I was starting to flag. It was also about the time Becca and her kids got there, so it was a good stopping point.
In the end, I ended up taking out 8 bags of garbage of varying sizes (3 were shopping bag sized and one was an overfilled one from the kitchen garbage). It made me feel so much better to see the clutter leave. And it put me in a much better mood to speak with my therapist. I'd already felt like I accomplished something today. And that makes me just smile.
I was out for most of the day today. After my appointment, Becca and I took our kids to McDonald's to play in the indoor playplace (thanks to a very rainy day), and then she invited us over to her place for dinner, since tonight is Rich's late teaching night. It was after 6 that we finally got home. And it was strange, because mentally, I still had the messy apartment in my mind. It's what I'd been walking into for so long that it became the norm. So I actually paused when I walked in to a clean place. Because it felt so GOOD.
My therapist and I talked a bit about this today, about how the state of my apartment is a large contributor to my depression. When it's a mess, I feel like I'm unable to do anything right. It's easier for me to make excuses to not do things I know I should ("Oh, I can't work out because the living room is a mess and there's nowhere for me to exercise."; "I know I should make myself something healthy, but the kitchen is a mess. I'll just run up to Arby's and grab something for the boys and I for dinner.") She is of the opinion (and it's one that I share) that once I find a routine and stick with it for the apartment, so many other places in my life will fall in line. I won't have the ready made excuse that a messy house gives me to not exercise or not get swaps done. I won't have the depression of chaos around me adding to the chaos within. And I think that's a good thing.
I'm taking tomorrow off from my desire to get everything in order RIGHT NOW. It's my birthday, and I deserve a bit of a break. It doesn't mean that I'm going to take a break from trying to be healthier... Becca and I are going to either go out somewhere and walk or take a lap or two around Hickory Hollow Mall for some exercise, and we're going to meet with the Nashville SPers for lunch at Casa Fiesta. Healthy options it will be. Rich doesn't have tutoring or teaching tomorrow night, and we've talked about seafood pasta for dinner (since it's now Lent and Rich is Catholic). I love baked scallops, so this could be a good thing.
And I may do some things. I've got some swaps that are still due and several book reviews to put up on Sanity's Overrated. Tomorrow is Feel Good Friday on my blog, and I know I want to write something for that. But I'll do the things that *I* want to do, not the things that I feel I *have* to do. You only turn 37 once, after all. And I'm going to make the most of it!