Size Matters

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Did you read that title as SIZE matters, or size MATTERS? Either way...

My pants are getting tight. I'm just saying. I know I haven't been writing many blogs lately, but I needed to say it out loud.

Not that I'm trying to hide anything because you know, fat isn't anything that can be hidden. It hangs out right where everyone can see it.

In fact, last Saturday while I was running there was an incident. I live in a city so pretty much, no matter when I run someone is bound to see me. It was around 9:30 am and there were two guys crossing the road towards a Dunkin Donuts I happened to be running by. As I got closer they pointed and then one of them says, "Look at that fat chick trying to run!" and then they laughed hysterically.

Even though I stopped dead and said some choice words back to them (some of which are not fit to print on a family-friendly blog), I was hurt. Deeply hurt.

In the last two weeks since my doctor appointment in which she told me my thyroid is wack and that weight loss would be a crap shoot for me right now, I have to admit I've felt defeated. Like no matter what I do I'll never be where I want to be weight wise and I may never feel good again. Because this extra weight, well, it does weigh me down.

Body parts hurt that probably wouldn't otherwise. Going up and down stairs leaves me winded. Running is definitely much harder - and slower. I don't know if I can even express how many times I had the thought, "If you weighed 20 lbs. less you wouldn't be having such a hard time hauling your ass up these hills!" during my last half marathon.

I am trying to do what my doctor said to do: no stringent dieting, but rather eat healthfully 90% of the time, watch portion sizes, and get some regular exericse.

But I'm discouraged and the problem remains: my pants are getting tight. Not good because that means when I pull out spring clothing in (hopefully) a few weeks, nothing will fit. Not to mention I think I am already wearing the largest size of Muay Thai Boxing shorts that is made for women. So, an additional problem there.

I watched Eat, Pray, Love over the weekend. I actually liked the movie more than the book, which is unusual for me. There was a bit of dialogue that caught my attention to the point that when the movie was over, I went back to the scene so I could write it down. (The scene: Julia Roberts as Elizabeth Gilbert is in Naples eating pizza and her friend won't eat it because she's worried about weight she's gained and gaining more.)

"I'm so tired of saying no, and then waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before. Counting every calorie I consumed so I know exactly how much self loathing to take into the shower. I'm going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I'm just through with the guilt."

Oh man. I want to be there. I want to be that woman. I want to go for it. But it's hard. Because my pants are getting tight. I'm just saying.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Man, you came across two evil jerks is what happened. Keep doing what the dr. says and hopefully you can get your thyroid on your side and weightloss will follow. *HUGS*
    3267 days ago
  • --MAY--
    OHH That must have been hard, But they were wrong, and like was said above you are not trying to you are doing!! So just let that comment roll off your back, and do NOT let it keep coming into your mind. if it does say Yeah! what about it, I am running!!
    Keep on your journey no matter how long it takes Now to take my own advice ;o)
    3267 days ago
    I'm willing to bet the 2 jerks at Dunkin Donuts can't run 13.1 miles. At any speed. Much less one with hills.

    I'm sorry your thyroid is whack. That is not something you can do much to control, and it does make things much harder.

    It's extremely frustrating to be doing so much right and not getting the results you want/expect/deserve.

    So - know this: I watch your posts and blogs about your running and your Muy Thai, and I am a huge admirer of your consistency and strength and fitness. Someday we will all get to the point that we don't have to be "health conscious" all the time, it will just be habit. But that day is unfortunately not yet.

    HUGS! Keep on keeping on - you are fantastic.
    3267 days ago

    I am really sorry that you encountered something that negative. The only reason for them to have done that is because something is wrong with them. I would have invited them to run with me and laughed my butt off when they couldn't hang.

    You RAN a half marathon. You aren't trying to run. You are running. You do kick boxing! Do you think those arseholes to keep up with you during one of your sessions? Probably not!

    Keep doing what you are doing as if your thyroid wasn't out of wack. Keep fighting. Keep clawing. Keep getting more fit as the days pass. And hopefully the doctor will figure out the right medicine if there is, to get it back on track and you will see the weight melting off.

    You've got this.

    3267 days ago
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