Tuesday, March 08, 2011
I am back on Sparkpeople. I say this with happiness. I have left and come back a couple other times. Each time I have come back, I have managed to come back heavier. I remember telling myself I would never reach 300lbs or over. Well, here I am at 304lbs. I am not happy about this at all and am taking action.
I have changed since the last 2 times I have been here. I used to be scale addicted. I could have led a support group for addiction to the scale. If I was up a pound my day was ruined if I was down then I felt on top of the world. I let the scale run my life. I was so unhappy. I also used praise to reward myself with food. If somebody told me I was really looking good, I splurged. I mean binged, on treats. I deserved it right? Wrong. I also let weight loss consume my life. I am sure I was pretty annoying to friends and family around me.
I have taken a different outlook now. My life is calmer these days. I am a little older, and my goals have changed a bit. My husband and I have joined the gym and have been going. I find I actually miss it if we can't go for a couple days. I have watched what I eat, but not obsessively. I have also forgotten weigh in days. I do want to get better about that though. I know now I have to come up with a balance. I haven't found the balance yet. I still struggle with food. I use food to fill my emotions. I love food. I eat when I am happy, when I am sad, bored, or watching tv and I need something to do with my hands. I still struggle with rewarding myself with food. I want to get better at weighing myself and setting mini goals. Also try and find some inner peace within myself that I am ok and making myself healthier and it won't be done overnight.
I also have one main goal. My husband and I want to start a family. We have been trying off and on for the past 3 years. This year though we have really started dedicating ourselves to this. We have gone to the doctor and have started the road to conceiving. I know my body has to be healthier for the success rate to go up. I am scared and uncertain for what lies ahead of us in this journey. What I do know is, I can do my part and start getting healthier.
I hope to use this blog as a place to share ideas, inspirations, and stories of this journey, or just vent :) I hope to meet people that are on this path or a similar path that we can cheer each other along on.
Thanks for listening! Good Luck to all!