Inactivity is stealing my life choices
Monday, March 07, 2011
I want my life back, or at least a new chapter that includes more choices. I haven't been on in a long time. Injuries, sickness and complicated life have sapped my motivation to try. It's costing me life choices. Instead of battling loss of mobility tooth and nail, I've become complacent. I'd rather loose myself in a scrabble game on facebook than figure out how to exercise and regain all the mobility I can. I gave up trying. I didn't move into full self pity, but I gave in to hopelessness. 1 step forward and 2 steps back became my new gait. Reinjury, broke other foot, unbelievable odds/luck. I began to believe I should just give up trying. At least I haven't eaten crazy amounts and totally blown up. That would have totally destroyed my chances at mobility. I took my two more months in a wheelchair, my hobbling mollasses speed recovery and complications of life into stride, kept my chin up and plowed ahead, but my hope sapped away like a slow leaking tire. I've still got a little air in me, but I see I'm at risk of going flat, and I don't mean in my waist. I'm back up over #200, 204 to be exact, got up to #207, that creates some mobility challenges even without injuries. Injuries really makes #204 more like #304, that's serious mobility challenges. Box stores become a workout. Grocery shopping can lay me flat out. Some days I wouldn't even venture out. I consider the electric carts and utilize my handicap sticker. If I get my weight back down, my body can manage many more choices like walks in the woods. I miss the choices. I've become a shut in who says 'no' more than 'yes' to adventures. Adventures feed my soul. It's on the edge of malnutrition. I've stopped writing and sculpting (wrist injury started that), I stopped laughing and singing. I'm not depressed, just beaten down. I still care, but my motivation is very low. I pay some attention to my food intake, but not enough. I've got to move, get the music on, get the groove on. Even if it's in a chair. My metabolism is exhausted. I'm gonna try to wake it back up, this week I'm back on pure protein breakfast, that usually wakes my energy up. Last night I chose smaller portions, I've got to really watch portion control. So here goes, another round of waking up my spark, connecting to sparpeople and getting the spark back in my life, I want to say yes to adventures again.