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Inactivity is stealing my life choices

Monday, March 07, 2011

I want my life back, or at least a new chapter that includes more choices. I haven't been on in a long time. Injuries, sickness and complicated life have sapped my motivation to try. It's costing me life choices. Instead of battling loss of mobility tooth and nail, I've become complacent. I'd rather loose myself in a scrabble game on facebook than figure out how to exercise and regain all the mobility I can. I gave up trying. I didn't move into full self pity, but I gave in to hopelessness. 1 step forward and 2 steps back became my new gait. Reinjury, broke other foot, unbelievable odds/luck. I began to believe I should just give up trying. At least I haven't eaten crazy amounts and totally blown up. That would have totally destroyed my chances at mobility. I took my two more months in a wheelchair, my hobbling mollasses speed recovery and complications of life into stride, kept my chin up and plowed ahead, but my hope sapped away like a slow leaking tire. I've still got a little air in me, but I see I'm at risk of going flat, and I don't mean in my waist. I'm back up over #200, 204 to be exact, got up to #207, that creates some mobility challenges even without injuries. Injuries really makes #204 more like #304, that's serious mobility challenges. Box stores become a workout. Grocery shopping can lay me flat out. Some days I wouldn't even venture out. I consider the electric carts and utilize my handicap sticker. If I get my weight back down, my body can manage many more choices like walks in the woods. I miss the choices. I've become a shut in who says 'no' more than 'yes' to adventures. Adventures feed my soul. It's on the edge of malnutrition. I've stopped writing and sculpting (wrist injury started that), I stopped laughing and singing. I'm not depressed, just beaten down. I still care, but my motivation is very low. I pay some attention to my food intake, but not enough. I've got to move, get the music on, get the groove on. Even if it's in a chair. My metabolism is exhausted. I'm gonna try to wake it back up, this week I'm back on pure protein breakfast, that usually wakes my energy up. Last night I chose smaller portions, I've got to really watch portion control. So here goes, another round of waking up my spark, connecting to sparpeople and getting the spark back in my life, I want to say yes to adventures again. emoticon
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  • no profile photo DEVORA4
    2938 days ago
    You can do it. One step at a time. I've realized I'm a bit of a turtle at all this, but that's ok as long as I'm headed in the right direction that's all that counts.

    Do you have osteoporosis? I can't remember if I asked you that before. My son has osteopenia (pre-osteo). Hang in there.

    2966 days ago
    I've been where you are due to being laid up with back surgery, and also cancer. i gained...wasn't proud of it, had to pull myself out of a funk. Once I got my head back in the right mind set and came up with a plan things started going a bit better. It has been slow and steady, doing what you can do even if right now it is only 5 or 10 minutes. It is 5 or 10 minutes you weren't doing before.
    I don't know if you believe in God, none of my business. But I will say faith was a big part of my life and still is. "Faith is not just believing God can, its knowing he will"
    Do NOT give up! Set small goals for yourself whatever they might be. I BELIEVE IN YOU! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2966 days ago
    I notice another commenter recommended the chair exercise team, which I have also joined and was going to recommend to you. I can totally understand what you're going through. I had a stroke 8 years ago and lost a lot of myself. Although I'll never get it all back I can testify that exercise is making a huge difference in my life. I'm glad you are not giving up; sounds like you are stepping up to help yourself. Stay strong and don't give up! We're cheering for you.
    2966 days ago
    it is true you have to start forcing yourself to move it is very important no matter how hard it may seem.both my mother and grandmother suffered chronically with reumatiod arthritis,my grandmother thought every day through the pain,force her self to knit etc and right up to the day she diesd she made her own bed and was mother on the other hand didn´t fight threw the pain and i watched her getting weaker and weaker and less mobile by the the end she couldn´t even hold a cup of tea herself as she had no use of her hands she used to also walk with the help of two sticks to get around up to the last 8 months before she sister and i used to have to wash her and dress her.theese are my memories of my mom she died when i was 12.i never remember her being able or not in pain.on the otherhand i remember my nana being full of life fighting every step of the way.i know which one i would chose not only for myself but for my is true what they say.if you don´t use it you will loose it.i am sorry that you are in so much pain and i hope it eases up for you soon but at the same time i hope my family history will help motivate you to continue for you are worth it and so are your family.have you joined the chair exercise team?they have some good links to exercise videos that you can do without putting to much strain on your can get to it on my sparkteams on my sparkpage.take care and hang in there.if you need support you just need to ask and you have it,keep smiling,karen
    2966 days ago
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