PCOS: Coming out of the closet
Monday, March 07, 2011
About ten years ago, I was diagnosed with PCOS. I freaked out, lost 35 pounds and all my symptoms vanished. And I told almost no one why I did it. Three kids later, my weight has crept back up. I recently started reading about PCOS again, surprised at how much more literature and research there is now than there was when I was first diagnosed.
But it's so damn embarrassing. When you google it - it's all like "extra testosterone" and "weird sprouting hairs" and "can't get pregnant" and "obese" and "hormonally unbalanced" and "practically turning into a dude". And people will read that I have PCOS and then they'll google it and then they'll judge me. And maybe snicker at me a little. And its sort of like having all the things you're most ashamed of out for all to see. So I didn't say anything.
But that's wussy and chicken schmidt and that is NOT me.
So here I go. I have PCOS and its not my fault that my stupid hormones are all messed up. And its the reason why I gained weight in the first place and why it's incredibly hard for me to lose weight now. And you know what, it makes me feel oddly BETTER to know that there's a medical reason why those things happened.
I take total responsibility for letting my weight get out of control but I am reassured that the overwhelming difficulty and disappointment that I face in taking that control back is not all my fault. It is hard and it will always be so - because of stinking PCOS and because IT IS JUST PLAIN HARD . But I also know that I have kicked its arse once before.
So after taking a couple of weeks (OK, fine - two months) to revert back to being a lazy slug, I'm back on track. Except this time, when I kick PCOS in the taco - I want to use science. I need to learn everything I can about the condition itself and insulin resistance and the concepts of glycemic index and glycemic load. And I need help with that. So any advice or resources would be greatly appreciated.
About 8 months ago, I started working on my weight. But it's been really up and down. If I'm going to figure this out for the long term, I need to wrestle PCOS to the ground and then stake it in the heart. Like a vampire. I've always wanted to be a vampire slayer. The key is knowing how to kill them. I need to learn how to kill PCOS.
And for anyone who may read this who also has PCOS (although I'm pretty sure no one will ever read this - so much for my grand public statement) - how lucky are we? We have tons of new research on a largely reversible health condition. We have each other. And just a few years ago, millions of women dealt with all the same crap and were told they were crazy and there was nothing wrong with them.
That's all for now. I'll report back when I've developed my first strategic steps to squaring up on PCOS.