Don't Tell Me I'm Not Trying!

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Somehow, in this moment, I have found peace.

HOWEVER, had you been around me a mere two hours ago, you would've observed a very different Kalyn.

I am not an emotional person. I pride myself on being able to keep my cool and usually perceive situations from a somewhat objective standpoint. Today was quite different.

As yesterday's blog revealed, I had an appointment with a counselor for my eating disorder. Today I planned on seeing a nutritionist. However, this morning, I got a call revealing that the dietitian needed to reschedule my appointment until tomorrow. I was disappointed, but she offered me another option: a counselor was available today during my schedule nutrition consultation time, and if I was willing, she would be able to see me for another counseling session. After my successful session yesterday, I eagerly agreed to see another counselor again today.

The session started off really well. We dove head-first into my eating disorder issues. I thought things were progressing fabulously- until I revealed my weight. Once the new counselor heard my current weight, all progress stopped. She refused to counsel me any further until I rushed myself to urgent care to get a physical. I tried to politely tell her that I had just had a physical examination performed within the last month, but she would not relent. I reluctantly agreed to see an on-campus physician (despite the fact that I had loads of homework that desperately needed my attention back home). THEN, she proceeded to tell me that I was basically a hopeless case- she wanted to call my father and enroll me in an out-patient residential eating disorder treatment facility (initially she was pursuing inpatient), and threatened other serious actions if I did not follow her every advice.

I left the appointment (& headed to the on campus urgent-care) with this statement from her, "If you fail to show up for your following counseling session Friday or any of your doctors appointments (the one today and another that is scheduled for Monday), we will have to call your father to take further action."

Needless to say, I've been shaken up ever since the appointment. I am the one who took the initiative to make a counseling appointment in the first place. I am the one who sought help. I do not want this disorder, so why should I be treated as if I do not understand the gravity of the situation? Furthermore, I am a twenty-one year old; why should my father be notified (and for that matter, my father and I are very close, and he happens to know all details of my disorder).

Have you ever been treated disrespectfully because of your weight? This was really the first time I've encountered something like this, and I hope I am never discriminated against in such a manner ever again; I hope the same for all of you. Being looked at as nothing more than a number really hurts.

PS, look what my lovely roommate bought for me (after I came home crying!):

My favorite red velvet cupcake!
I ate every bite.

So I have just one thing to say to that mean ol' counselor:
DON'T tell me I'm not trying!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I've never heard of a counselor behaving like that. It was not very therapeutic in my opinion. I don't know that I would go back to this counselor again. You are not a child. And threatening can hardly be considered counseling you.
    3702 days ago
  • MAK1186
    OMG I'm soooo sorry you were treated that way!! It is so unfortunate that people you just meet judge you before finding out your story. Keep your chin up and keep doing what you know it right. We (here on spark) know you are trying as we see it everyday! Glad to see the roomie brought you home that delicious cupcake too :) Stay strong girl!
    3702 days ago
  • KALYN89
    You all really are the best :) Where would I be without my SparkFriends?!
    3702 days ago
    Let me at her...let me at her...(in the voice of the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz, in relation to the witch). Shameful excuse for a counselor. emoticon
    3702 days ago
  • no profile photo IRISH_AGUIRRE
    That is really strange - such a different reaction from this one (overreaction, in my opinion). Plus, you are an adult - I don't think she can contact your father. I may be wrong, but I think it would be a patient's privacy (HEPA?) violation for her to do so. Keep strong. I know you are working on this. You will get there!
    3702 days ago
    Wow, good for you, not sure I would have handled it with such grace.

    3702 days ago
    good for you for not letting an idiot derail your progress. I would continue to point out to ALL of your treatment team just what said here. heck, print it out and give them copies. the point is, you ARE trying and you ARE NOT being secretive. I'm sure the counselor was just very scared for you and didn't do a good job of handling her fear. just keep repeating that you are the one seeking treatment/help because YOU WANT to be healthier. I'm thinking that maybe this counselor is used to seeing resistant ED people and not those of us that are actively trying to get better.
    3702 days ago
    Kudos to you for keeping your cool around someone who was so rude. That counselor I suspect thought she was helping (I have to admit I know very little about eating disorders, but my thoughts are maybe some people require extreme pushing?), but she was really rude about it.

    Congratulations on getting help to be healthy again, and don't let anyone like that defeat you or dim your Spark! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3702 days ago
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