The snacking demon!!
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Today my stomach is a MESS! I have had so many issues with it lately and today I had some extra fiber thinking it would help. WRONG! I’m going to warn you I might get graphic. The gas was unbelievable. My stomach looked 6 months pregnant. I am usually proud of my shape and today I wore an apron all day at work. None of my pants would button and the pressure was so uncomfortable I had to escape to a private place to pass gas so often it was ridiculous. I eventually went…ya know…but it continued. So when I left work I got a medium dark roast coffee with very little cream so it was really dark and drank it really fast. It helped to move things along but even sitting here I am extremely uncomfortable. So I’m trying to drink a lot of water. It’s gotten better, just hope it goes away before tonight!
TONIGHT we are heading down to AC to celebrate our anniversary early. We were supposed to go next week, but I have a weekly appointment with my therapist and didn’t want to have to cancel my second one. And I was at work and just felt like I needed to be spontaneous. Lately that has been something that brings us closer. This morning we had a great morning being spontaneous and it just made us feel wonderful. So I texted him and said hey, if I pack our bags when you get home would you want to go stay at the Tropicana? He said yes and so I just booked the room. I feel like it’s part of being a better person, learning to let go of the control problems I have and just be happy and do what I want. I am also very close to cutting back a day at the gym. This morning was the first morning in a very long time where I almost didn’t go. And I know the signs of getting bored and such. So my plan is to 1. Get the new Jillian Michael’s dvd “Ripped in 30” to change up my strength training, and 2. DEFINITELY join my free month of swimming at the Atlantic Club. Since Tuesday I am free after class I think I’m going to do it Tuesday. I’m looking forward to it! I just know I have to change it up once I get bored. And hopefully the weather gets warmer soon too.
Food wise I am still struggling. Nights kill me and I’m almost to the point where I can’t keep peanut butter in the house. It really disappoints me because I am an ADULT. Why can’t I control myself? I don’t know it’s just gotten to the point where I need some kind of change. Something to help offset this horrible bingeing I do at night. I don’t think I’m consuming more than 500 calories but lately I’v felt like these night time food raids are stressing me out more than anything else. I’ll feel fantastic about everything EXCEPT the fact that I had like 4 tablespoons of peanut butter with some rice cakes…no like half the bag of rice cakes. I need some advice on this. Do I literally just get rid of peanut butter? BUT I feel like if I do that, my attention will simply turn to something else. Like instead of eating 4 tablespoons of peanut butter, I’ll like make soup or eat 5 bags of popcorn. And when I am eating, I think I’m lonely and that’s why I eat. Because around 8-9 pm is when I have been home alone now for about 3 hours and it’s the time I wish Matt was home to sit with me and watch TV. And I almost feel like I eat to fill that empty space. But as I am eating I am saying “stop. Wtf stop!” and then a little evil voice says “You bust your ass, enjoy it”. I don’t want to enjoy it at 9 PM I’d rather have a nice meal out or a big lunch. And I’ve wondered if that would help, splurging more on meals. But even though we ate out at Fridays for dinner, I still binged. I don’t know. But it’s FRUSTRATING!!! I feel like if I could stop that I could finally get to my goal weight. Because I burn like 900-1000 calories almost every day, and my weight doesn’t budge. UGH.
Sorry for the ramble. Anyway, other than that nothing else is new. I’ve actually been tracking really well, up until my night time bingeing, because I think I see I have like 200-300 calories left and I think oh I’ll have a snack, and it never ends. But tracking wise every day I’m great up until that point. So I think I prefer to track most days. Except today since we will probably be eating a meal in AC at like 11pm lol. But you have to live!